How is it possible for people to not be able to afford children?

[Anonymous]

infant daycare is 30k + for one kid..that's how.

We spend 62k for two kids in daycare. Essentially we need to make about 110k just to pay for daycare.

[Anonymous]

It is very expensive to raise a child but if there is a will there is a way. But you need the will! For many couples the affordability issue is a smokescreen for not being sure they want to upend their lives which is what parenting is all about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bunch of bull. Low income people grow their families like there’s no tomorrow.

+1
There just not MC families, so they don't make the snob radar screen and are considered 'no one' on this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In this area, I get it. We only have one and it's definitely partially driven by COL here. If jobs weren't tied to this area, we would have moved and I think would have had another kid. Not only would we have been able to move for lower COL, we also would been able to move closer to family, which can help with the affordability of kids. Where we are now, we have to pay for our support system and it's expensive.

I don't know why a dual income couple in a less expensive area would claim they couldn't afford kids. I guess it's either crippling student debt or just an attachment to a very expensive lifestyle (frequent travel, eating out all the time, nice clothes, fancy gyms, etc.) that eats up all their disposable income. But that's not about not being able to afford kids, it's about valuing kids less than that other stuff. Which is fine, but not the same thing as being too poor to have children so it's a weird way to frame it.

You said it yourself, jobs are tied to your area. Low cost areas also have lower wages, not to mention that many adults work low wage jobs that barely cover rent. There is such a thing as being too poor to have children, but it's too scary to think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?
You were making 50K, which is closer to what an average american makes compared to what your husband makes. Now imagine that instead of having a husband making 150K, you had one that made 50k like you did. Staying home under that situation would leave you 50K minus taxes, which is not poverty level, but low for any practical purpose. If instead you decided to go to work, you'd be spending 20k+ on daycare, assuming both you and your husband had regular schedules and didn't work shifts.

OP here. I'd assume that as a woman who's interested in having children you wouldn't look for a man making 50K unless you're fresh out of school or you wanted to become a provider yourself and as I said. 150K is pretty normal here. Almost any couple of professionals should be able to hit that mark in their 30s.

Ooof- so 1) a woman should look for money when marrying, unlike a man, and 2) it's okay to be a woman and make 50K but if you are a man at least 3x that is required?

DP
IMO
1.men and women should look for money/potential in a spouse.
2. It's OK to make a salary that suits your lifestyle and you can stay within budget - gender independent

Yes, I tell my children (daughters and sons) this. So in your words, yes my daughters (and sons) 'should look for money when marrying'

[Anonymous]

My mom's dad told her "if you wait until you can afford children, you never will." And then mom had three of us, and I, being the oldest had to financially support myself from about age 15. I waited until I could reasonably afford kids, and could cover the basics without any problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom's dad told her "if you wait until you can afford children, you never will." And then mom had three of us, and I, being the oldest had to financially support myself from about age 15. I waited until I could reasonably afford kids, and could cover the basics without any problem.

Finally someone with common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?
You were making 50K, which is closer to what an average american makes compared to what your husband makes. Now imagine that instead of having a husband making 150K, you had one that made 50k like you did. Staying home under that situation would leave you 50K minus taxes, which is not poverty level, but low for any practical purpose. If instead you decided to go to work, you'd be spending 20k+ on daycare, assuming both you and your husband had regular schedules and didn't work shifts.

OP here. I'd assume that as a woman who's interested in having children you wouldn't look for a man making 50K unless you're fresh out of school or you wanted to become a provider yourself and as I said. 150K is pretty normal here. Almost any couple of professionals should be able to hit that mark in their 30s.

Ooof- so 1) a woman should look for money when marrying, unlike a man, and 2) it's okay to be a woman and make 50K but if you are a man at least 3x that is required?

Story old as time. I definitely had future earning potential as a criteria while I was dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having two kids in my late 20s on $125k income was challenging when (1) we had daycare expenses, (2) we wanted to save for a house, and (3) we wanted to save for college and retirement. We had 0 leftover at end of month and bought cheap food, never ate out, only went camping for vacation. Most of those were ‘wants’ but that’s the calculation your friends are making. And that was without any car payments or major student loans. It’s why we only had two though I would have wanted 3. If people want the house, or travel, or ability to send their kids to top schools, I see why they think they “cant afford it” on <$150k especially for multiple kids. Add in medical expenses, especially for a SN kid, plus wanting to allow kids activities and experiences as they grow up, and it can be daunting. In my late 20s/early 30s I felt similarly to you and just figured we’d make it work, but in retrospect with older kids, college and retirement getting closer, I understand why people who are more cautious may feel differently than I did.

Also, I’m 40, went to a top school and have risen to level of VP at work, and consider myself to lucky to now be making $150k in my low paying industry. Your “anyone can make $150k in their 30s” comment is silly - and if you are talking a dual income family, high quality childcare is crushing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s more that they can’t factor kids into their current lifestyle. Of course they can afford kids in the purely technical sense, but not while keeping the same standard of living or giving their future kids everything they believe is necessary.

And that’s fine. Not everyone needs to have kids, and people can choose not to do so if they don’t believe it’s the right choice for them.

+1. This applies to any number of kids. I have two and we have budgeted for private school, expensive camps, a couple of nice vacations, adequate savings etc.- an UMC life . Three would be a stretch for us with those priorities, and our HHI is over 500k. Could we send our kids to public school and make it work? Yes, but it’s all about choices. Obviously this is different from two people making a joint 90k annually but is usually about choices.

Also, in ones mid thirties, if they’re not in a financial position to have kids, that’s kind of on them. They have been in the workforce for more than over a decade at that point.

[Anonymous]

I’m a teacher and can’t really afford my kid but oh well. I make it work the best I can. He gots tons of money in financial aid so that really helps pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard the "I can't afford children" from many couples without children. These couples are in their 30s which is an age at which you've worked enough to have a decently paying career, so it's weird. I was making around 50K before I had my children and stayed home and my husband didn't hit 150k until a couples of years later, so we're pretty average in our area. We're planning to send our kids to public school when they're older and enroll them in cheaper activities, but it looks like everyone around us is holding out for private schools which can be incredibly expensive. Have these lifestyle expectations made children "unaffordable" or there's something else I'm missing?

You had a spouse making 3 times your salary. Clueless much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds like a troll.

This is a troll post for sure. Thinking everyone can "make $150k by their 30s". Should we just not have teachers, professors, physical therapists, nurses in DC? There are plenty of professional jobs that don't make $150k.

[Anonymous]

My parents had four kids, both mom and dad only an 8th grade education. My mom was a SAHM.

Just live in a cheap dumpy apt in a crappy neighborhood, don’t own a car, never go on vacation and wear hand me down clothes. Also never do out to eat or movies etc. Our 12 inch black and white TV with an antenna was it at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds like a troll.

This is a troll post for sure. Thinking everyone can "make $150k by their 30s". Should we just not have teachers, professors, physical therapists, nurses in DC? There are plenty of professional jobs that don't make $150k.

Understand your point but, as a woman, I purposely didn’t go into a a more flexible but lower paying field like physical therapy, speech therapy, social work etc. I know MANY women who did this, banking on getting married to someone making multiple times their salaries, and then ultimately staying at home with their kids before maybe going back to work. at 22, I didn’t see the ROI- those low paying fields, while extremely noble and possibly fulfilling, require grad school and very little opportunity to make decent money long term. I was thinking along the lines of “I want to get married at some point, but what happens if I don’t? What career would I need to support myself adequately, and has more possibilities for making decent money?”