Husband interrupts whatever I am doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any time you aren’t doing something? It seems like you just don’t want your husband to talk to you?

Thats really what you took out of her post? Wow

[Anonymous]

For a bit of humor:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1r2NLgrsPF/?igsh=MWF2d3ZyanV1ZDlwYw==

[Anonymous]

Just be polite and firm and let him “not take kindly” until he gets it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any time you aren’t doing something? It seems like you just don’t want your husband to talk to you?

This is a legit good question.

Do you make time for your husband, or are you just focused on children and your “me time?”

In other threads, women complain about their absentee husbands and want to divorce.

Men can’t win.

What are you talking about? Men win all the time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a bit of humor:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1r2NLgrsPF/?igsh=MWF2d3ZyanV1ZDlwYw==

Ha! This makes me feel so much less alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same problem. Usually he needed my help or wanted me to do something right then. My problem was I would drop everything and do it. Now I say, firmly and sometimes in an annoyed tone, I will when I’m finished or I’m doing something but I can later. He also would take up space like he’ll need to do something in the kitchen as I’m doing something and expect me to move. I now say, let me finish this first. He does not object to this.

My take is that he just expects to take up the space whenever he needs it, his needs come first, he’s not interrupting, he’s just doing the next thing, whereas as a woman I learned to adapt, move aside and be amenable. I think this kind of adaptability never occurred to him but as I said, now that I say something, he goes along with it.

Same. And I think it’s ADHD combined with his internal self-centeredness that is more prevalent in men - simply because women are conditioned to think of others first.

Being nice about it didn’t work, he just got hurt, so now I mostly push back in a jokey way - he’ll ask if I know when a store closes and I’ll ask Alexa in front of him, or point out he has a clock on his computer, so doesn’t need to ask me the time. Occasionally if he ask if I can look up some fact or detail he is also capable of looking up on the phone in his hand and I’ll just say “no”.

[Anonymous]

Does he possibly have ADHD? Mine does this to me, he has ADHD. I’ve just had to explain my boundaries, validate his feelings but hold fast to said boundaries & lock the door when I need space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom with two little kids, one of whom has special needs. I love my DH dearly but I am having this recurring issue where he will not allow me to have alone time, basically ever. No matter what I am trying to do, whether it is tending to the kids (and trying to listen to them, talk to them, etc), working from home, washing dishes, attempting to listen to a podcast, reading a book, he is terrible at noticing that I am doing something else and letting me do it. Example is when I am working from home, he will talk in the room and just start talking at me about whatever topic floats into his head. Or I finally sit down after getting the kids to bed, open my book, and he starts talking.

It is driving me nuts. He does not take well to me kindly saying, hey, I am in the middle of something - can we talk later?

My work days and time with my kids I am "on" pretty much all the time, and I need more quiet and time to relax and unwind without focusing on whatever he wants to talk about. I am pretty good about making time for him but this feels like an immature and frankly kind of selfish behavior. In the meantime, if he has a TV show he wants to watch, he makes a big production about "hey this is my TV night" and goes and watches it. It has not always been like this and I am honestly not sure where this comes from. His friends kind of suck so I think he lacks people to talk to maybe?

AITA for being annoyed by this? Any tips for dealing with it?

Working from home: put an at work do not disturb sign up, let him know you are doing a task that needs concentration and he can text you if he needs something urgently.

Reading a book/ listening to a podcast: let him know a few times in a row, I had a long day with the kids and I need to unwind. I’m just going to do X but maybe we can make a time to hang out later/tomorrow/etc.

Washing dishes: just chat with him. I think if you don’t want to because you’re burnt out you need to say, I’m super burnt out, I do want to hear you but I can’t right now.

Everyone has different space needs. He doesn’t seem to be reading you well. However my STBX was like you — didn’t want to talk with me, ever. We were not like you in that we didn’t have date nights or other times to connect carved out. But I think this might be a mismatch in your expectations of what “home” is. I would not feel comfortable if I couldn’t start a conversation with someone hanging out at home some of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom with two little kids, one of whom has special needs. I love my DH dearly but I am having this recurring issue where he will not allow me to have alone time, basically ever. No matter what I am trying to do, whether it is tending to the kids (and trying to listen to them, talk to them, etc), working from home, washing dishes, attempting to listen to a podcast, reading a book, he is terrible at noticing that I am doing something else and letting me do it. Example is when I am working from home, he will talk in the room and just start talking at me about whatever topic floats into his head. Or I finally sit down after getting the kids to bed, open my book, and he starts talking.

It is driving me nuts. He does not take well to me kindly saying, hey, I am in the middle of something - can we talk later?

My work days and time with my kids I am "on" pretty much all the time, and I need more quiet and time to relax and unwind without focusing on whatever he wants to talk about. I am pretty good about making time for him but this feels like an immature and frankly kind of selfish behavior. In the meantime, if he has a TV show he wants to watch, he makes a big production about "hey this is my TV night" and goes and watches it. It has not always been like this and I am honestly not sure where this comes from. His friends kind of suck so I think he lacks people to talk to maybe?

AITA for being annoyed by this? Any tips for dealing with it?

The solution is divorce. You’ll be free to do what you love. Don’t let him ruin your life. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Here’s what works for me:

Schedule time with him. Sounds like he’s anxious and “checking in” with you all the time. People like this are helped by knowing when their next connection will be.

Example:

From 7-9pm Tuesday and Thursdays, you can talk to me about whatever you need and/or we will do an activity together.

On a particular day, you can say, “I really need to focus to get this done. Interruptions make it take longer. Can you save up your questions for once an hour / until noon / every 2 hours?”

This works with my kids, my DH, and my clients.

[Anonymous]

You can also put one of those adjustable clock signs on your closed office or bedroom door to show when you can next be available/disturbed.

[Anonymous]

Husband interrupts whatever you are doing? It’s time for you to interrupt this marriage. It’s obviously not working.

[Anonymous]

One time my sister confessed to me that she loved snuggling her dog at the end of the day because he was the only one in the family who demanded nothing from her. I don’t know why that struck me so hard and I want to cry thinking about it, but I think there is something very common about that sentiment among women nowadays.

[Anonymous]

I identify with you, op.
The issue is my dh doesn’t want to connect. He wants to talk about himself. His work issues, his problems his concerns his stress.
If I don’t stop and say “well now I’m going to talk about something going on with me!” He would never ask.

I leave the house to go for walks if I want to listen to something. I lock my home office door.
Or I started going out of town for 48 hours solo.

I can’t change him. I can only change myself and my approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I identify with you, op.
The issue is my dh doesn’t want to connect. He wants to talk about himself. His work issues, his problems his concerns his stress.
If I don’t stop and say “well now I’m going to talk about something going on with me!” He would never ask.

I leave the house to go for walks if I want to listen to something. I lock my home office door.
Or I started going out of town for 48 hours solo.

I can’t change him. I can only change myself and my approach.

I was going to write something similar. The things he wants to say at me are always some variation of 1) too much work 2) not enough work 3) other people get paid more than him. He doesn’t do anything besides work and hang out with the kids so there’s not much to talk about. Plus he doesn’t have any friends left and he wants me to take the place of all his lapsed friendships. I am honestly at a point where I just do whatever and he will have to deal. I have asked him to go to therapy again many times and he won’t so I am not going to make myself crazy because he wants to use me as a coping mechanism for his own imbalanced life.