I cook dinner 28 days per month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband likes to make himself a nice breakfast while mine gets cold or I shove calories in my face without noticing because I am jumping up every 2 seconds for the kids or being their only conversational partner too. Then when his eggs are done the kids are also done and he gets a nice quiet breakfast by himself at the table. I blew up at him about it this morning and I'm still pissed. And this is a guy who does his share of dinners....

I don't understand this. How does this end up happening?

He will stand in the kitchen on his phone while waiting for toast to pop or water to boil. I'll be at the table with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop cooking. Tell your family to fend for themselves. And stop being a doormat and use your words in the meantime.

We don't know the ages for the kids. For the dh sure

Well, the DH fended for himself this morning and she’s having a cow about it.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like you aren’t communicating with him. Have you ever asked for help with meals? Suggested a rotation (he handles breakfast, you handle dinner)? If being the one solely responsible for meals isn’t working for you, speak up! Marriage is teamwork but that also involves communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband likes to make himself a nice breakfast while mine gets cold or I shove calories in my face without noticing because I am jumping up every 2 seconds for the kids or being their only conversational partner too. Then when his eggs are done the kids are also done and he gets a nice quiet breakfast by himself at the table. I blew up at him about it this morning and I'm still pissed. And this is a guy who does his share of dinners....

I don't understand this. How does this end up happening?

He will stand in the kitchen on his phone while waiting for toast to pop or water to boil. I'll be at the table with the kids.

No, I don't understand how someone needs to get up every 2 seconds with kids, and views having a conversation with their kids as a burden to whine about. I get that he's not eating with you, and that's sad, but it's your parenting that is confusing me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a family of 4 and DH and I both work FT. I cook dinner for everyone 28 days per month and we get take out once night every other week. I also make everyone's breakfast most mornings unless the kids just want a bagel or yogurt or something else easy.

This morning, we've been up since 6am and kids ate then. DH and I haven't eaten yet. He just spent 30 mins in the kitchen sautéing vegetables and making a big omlette with a side of fresh fruit. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it all by himself, never even asking if I'd like something.
How can people be like this?

Go to him now and say: "This morning you cooked yourself a big omelette and took time to make it with fresh vegetable and serve yourself fruit too. You never once asked me if I'd like some. Next time please cook for us both-- it's as easy to do your omelet for two as for one. And 'next time' will be tomorrow because, surprise, you're on breakfast duty." Then tell him you've totaled how many meals you cook each month and that ends now; you're creating a schedule for when it's his turn to cook. Not asking. Presenting a schedule.

I don't get coming to post here instead of just saying, as he sat down to eat, "Looks great. Where's mine?"

Stop the mom-does-all-cooking nonsense. I don't care if he's got some super busy job. He can at a minimum be a polite human being and this morning he was not. I suspect this is a habit with him, isn't it, OP?

See, this is the problem with DCUM people who post scripts. This is quite possibly the dumbest advice and script I have seen here in weeks. Telling you to get dictatorial and huffy isn’t going to accomplish anything at all except make you like insane. Especially with the bean counting.

Better to just say you’d like to revisit the division of meal preparation. Not “I have decreed things will be different around here.”

Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a family of 4 and DH and I both work FT. I cook dinner for everyone 28 days per month and we get take out once night every other week. I also make everyone's breakfast most mornings unless the kids just want a bagel or yogurt or something else easy.

This morning, we've been up since 6am and kids ate then. DH and I haven't eaten yet. He just spent 30 mins in the kitchen sautéing vegetables and making a big omlette with a side of fresh fruit. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it all by himself, never even asking if I'd like something.
How can people be like this?

Go to him now and say: "This morning you cooked yourself a big omelette and took time to make it with fresh vegetable and serve yourself fruit too. You never once asked me if I'd like some. Next time please cook for us both-- it's as easy to do your omelet for two as for one. And 'next time' will be tomorrow because, surprise, you're on breakfast duty." Then tell him you've totaled how many meals you cook each month and that ends now; you're creating a schedule for when it's his turn to cook. Not asking. Presenting a schedule.

I don't get coming to post here instead of just saying, as he sat down to eat, "Looks great. Where's mine?"

Stop the mom-does-all-cooking nonsense. I don't care if he's got some super busy job. He can at a minimum be a polite human being and this morning he was not. I suspect this is a habit with him, isn't it, OP?

See, this is the problem with DCUM people who post scripts. This is quite possibly the dumbest advice and script I have seen here in weeks. Telling you to get dictatorial and huffy isn’t going to accomplish anything at all except make you like insane. Especially with the bean counting.

Better to just say you’d like to revisit the division of meal preparation. Not “I have decreed things will be different around here.”

Jesus.

+1

That advice was the quick route to a failing marriage.

OP, just have a conversation with him about division of duties.

[Anonymous]

Why are you bothering us while he is eating it up? GRAB A FORK AND TAKE YOUR HALF RIGHT OFF HIS PLATE!!!

And make sure you say mmmm and mmmm while you are eating it.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids and how long have you and DH been together? That's a weird dynamic you've created.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering us while he is eating it up? GRAB A FORK AND TAKE YOUR HALF RIGHT OFF HIS PLATE!!!

And make sure you say mmmm and mmmm while you are eating it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a family of 4 and DH and I both work FT. I cook dinner for everyone 28 days per month and we get take out once night every other week. I also make everyone's breakfast most mornings unless the kids just want a bagel or yogurt or something else easy.

This morning, we've been up since 6am and kids ate then. DH and I haven't eaten yet. He just spent 30 mins in the kitchen sautéing vegetables and making a big omlette with a side of fresh fruit. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it all by himself, never even asking if I'd like something.
How can people be like this?

Go to him now and say: "This morning you cooked yourself a big omelette and took time to make it with fresh vegetable and serve yourself fruit too. You never once asked me if I'd like some. Next time please cook for us both-- it's as easy to do your omelet for two as for one. And 'next time' will be tomorrow because, surprise, you're on breakfast duty." Then tell him you've totaled how many meals you cook each month and that ends now; you're creating a schedule for when it's his turn to cook. Not asking. Presenting a schedule.

I don't get coming to post here instead of just saying, as he sat down to eat, "Looks great. Where's mine?"

Stop the mom-does-all-cooking nonsense. I don't care if he's got some super busy job. He can at a minimum be a polite human being and this morning he was not. I suspect this is a habit with him, isn't it, OP?

See, this is the problem with DCUM people who post scripts. This is quite possibly the dumbest advice and script I have seen here in weeks. Telling you to get dictatorial and huffy isn’t going to accomplish anything at all except make you like insane. Especially with the bean counting.

Better to just say you’d like to revisit the division of meal preparation. Not “I have decreed things will be different around here.”

Jesus.

Are you the person who posted about hating "scripts" on another thread? So what do YOU suggest OP do specifically other than "revisit" things? Revisit means nothing. You're only here to bi**h about others' posts, not to help OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering us while he is eating it up? GRAB A FORK AND TAKE YOUR HALF RIGHT OFF HIS PLATE!!!

And make sure you say mmmm and mmmm while you are eating it.

The PPs who think DH is being a good boy because he's "fending for himself" will be so upset at this....And the one who doesn't want OP to be "dictatorial" will blow a gasket and say this is terrible....

[Anonymous]

I feel like there are two different issues here.

One is that he was thoughtless. Making a meal in front of you, and not offering to make you one wasn't cool. Maybe he assumed you ate. Maybe something else was going on. But you can say "I was hurt that you made yourself breakfast, and didn't offer to make some for me, can we talk about it?" and have an adult conversation.

The other issue, about whether it's fair that you make all the meals, depends on the bigger picture. I like to cook, and I do it well. My DH doesn't like to do it, and what he makes sucks. So, until my kid were old enough to cook, I did it all, and DH did other things, and the division was OK by me. But if the division you have isn't working, then that's a separate conversation to have.

But separate the two because they are really two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a family of 4 and DH and I both work FT. I cook dinner for everyone 28 days per month and we get take out once night every other week. I also make everyone's breakfast most mornings unless the kids just want a bagel or yogurt or something else easy.

This morning, we've been up since 6am and kids ate then. DH and I haven't eaten yet. He just spent 30 mins in the kitchen sautéing vegetables and making a big omlette with a side of fresh fruit. Then proceeded to sit down and eat it all by himself, never even asking if I'd like something.
How can people be like this?

Go to him now and say: "This morning you cooked yourself a big omelette and took time to make it with fresh vegetable and serve yourself fruit too. You never once asked me if I'd like some. Next time please cook for us both-- it's as easy to do your omelet for two as for one. And 'next time' will be tomorrow because, surprise, you're on breakfast duty." Then tell him you've totaled how many meals you cook each month and that ends now; you're creating a schedule for when it's his turn to cook. Not asking. Presenting a schedule.

I don't get coming to post here instead of just saying, as he sat down to eat, "Looks great. Where's mine?"

Stop the mom-does-all-cooking nonsense. I don't care if he's got some super busy job. He can at a minimum be a polite human being and this morning he was not. I suspect this is a habit with him, isn't it, OP?

See, this is the problem with DCUM people who post scripts. This is quite possibly the dumbest advice and script I have seen here in weeks. Telling you to get dictatorial and huffy isn’t going to accomplish anything at all except make you like insane. Especially with the bean counting.

Better to just say you’d like to revisit the division of meal preparation. Not “I have decreed things will be different around here.”

Jesus.

Are you the person who posted about hating "scripts" on another thread? So what do YOU suggest OP do specifically other than "revisit" things? Revisit means nothing. You're only here to bi**h about others' posts, not to help OP.

Revisiting involves a conversation and a discussion, not a directive. Are you slow? Or being deliberately obtuse?

Do you have a lot of conflict in your life? You probably do if you approach things like that ridiculously stupid script. It’s little wonder you are so dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bothering us while he is eating it up? GRAB A FORK AND TAKE YOUR HALF RIGHT OFF HIS PLATE!!!

And make sure you say mmmm and mmmm while you are eating it.

The PPs who think DH is being a good boy because he's "fending for himself" will be so upset at this....And the one who doesn't want OP to be "dictatorial" will blow a gasket and say this is terrible....

Naw, if done with humor it could spark the conversation that should happen. If done angrily or with sarcasm, it would escalate.

You women always get upset that men just blow up and then you go and advocate for behavior like this? Or that stupid script that is some weird attempt to be domineering?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe how meek and subservient the so-called feminists of the world are today!

Channel your inner nonna and cheerfully sass him, threaten to bonk him over the head with a frying pan, etc. Do NOT use therapy speak on him, that only works on other over-therapized women. Men understand violence and angry wooden spoon waving. I know, it’s counterintuitive to your stuffy,WASP stiff upper lipped sensibilities, but it works.