What do you do when your kids pursue their passions and are now broke as adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s and have always worked low paying not for profit jobs. If I am happy, why does this bother you?

Do you complain about being broke and having a crappy unstable life? If not, what does any of this have to do with you?

Why would you assume they are "broke" and living a "crappy unstable life"? There are many ways to skin a cat. They might have had family help in buying an apartment or house. They might have a high earning spouse. They might just not need as many material goods as you do to feel satisfied in life. Who knows.

You are the person who comes across as unhappy though when you lash out at strangers like this.

Are you stupid or something? Read the OP and find out.

[Anonymous]

This was my sister. Musician with 6 part-time jobs to pay the bills. Encouraged to go back to school. Worked her butt off to get grad degree in career field and then land a good-paying government job. Did that for 2 years, hated it, quit, moved to a low COL area, went back to playing music, and is working as a handyman. Seems happy.

[Anonymous]

People sell out all the time. No shame in it. Beats eating Ramen in your 50s.

[Anonymous]

I was in the career I loved but a broke adult for 15 years, now I'm living comfortably doing what I love due to hard work and a couple lucky breaks. I never relied on my family but they supported me emotionally although concerned at times, but i remained unswayed.. I've also had many friends along the way chase more practical careers and leave their passion. It takes a lot of courage to reinvent yourself.

[Anonymous]

Only trolls judge people by the games they play.

Troll Level = 1.5, unimaginative topic that doesn't rile people up or demonstrate a level of sentience for OPp above a small mud puddle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two opinions on this. If my kid say wants to pursue a career in comedy or acting or a musician or painting...well it all comes down to work ethic. You would be shocked when you read biographies of successful artists that underlying their success was an incredible work ethic. We all know Malcolm Gladwell with the 10,000 hours and the Beatles...but Dave Grohl's mom essentially said the same thing...she only let him quit high school because he would gig 2-3 shows a day and was always working at his craft. Taylor Swift same thing, walking up and down Nashville row as a 12-year old, maintaining cue cards on every record and radio executive she met so that she would remember their wives, kids, etc.. Heck, even the Motley Crue book will tell you how hard that crazy group of "traditional" f**k ups would work to make their band a success.

So, if I had a kid that just didn't "talk" about it, but actually did it...I would worry, but I would let them pursue their passion. However, if the true work ethic just is not there, we as parents need to be willing to give some blunt talk, and perhaps redirect them to a career that maybe is passion-adjacent, but pays the bills. I wish I had the answer on this because even passion-adjacent can "pay the bills" but not much more. Alternatively, you talk to them and try to focus on their interests vs. the industry.

This is an incredibly thoughtful post - thank you, PP. I'm in a 'passion' career but have worked my way to the top of it over 10+ years and I now make a very comfortable living doing exactly what I love. It's entirely possible - someone somewhere is making a stable, comfortable living in any field, but there are very few spots at the top like that. And it takes the commitment of getting through the lean years one way or another. For me personally, it was worth it, but not easy and never guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two opinions on this. If my kid say wants to pursue a career in comedy or acting or a musician or painting...well it all comes down to work ethic. You would be shocked when you read biographies of successful artists that underlying their success was an incredible work ethic. We all know Malcolm Gladwell with the 10,000 hours and the Beatles...but Dave Grohl's mom essentially said the same thing...she only let him quit high school because he would gig 2-3 shows a day and was always working at his craft. Taylor Swift same thing, walking up and down Nashville row as a 12-year old, maintaining cue cards on every record and radio executive she met so that she would remember their wives, kids, etc.. Heck, even the Motley Crue book will tell you how hard that crazy group of "traditional" f**k ups would work to make their band a success.

So, if I had a kid that just didn't "talk" about it, but actually did it...I would worry, but I would let them pursue their passion. However, if the true work ethic just is not there, we as parents need to be willing to give some blunt talk, and perhaps redirect them to a career that maybe is passion-adjacent, but pays the bills. I wish I had the answer on this because even passion-adjacent can "pay the bills" but not much more. Alternatively, you talk to them and try to focus on their interests vs. the industry.

This is an incredibly thoughtful post - thank you, PP. I'm in a 'passion' career but have worked my way to the top of it over 10+ years and I now make a very comfortable living doing exactly what I love. It's entirely possible - someone somewhere is making a stable, comfortable living in any field, but there are very few spots at the top like that. And it takes the commitment of getting through the lean years one way or another. For me personally, it was worth it, but not easy and never guaranteed.

I lived in LA for a while and almost universally it was work ethic that separated the successes from the failures. Sure, luck is always there but it’s the work ethic that creates the luck.

Knew a woman who came out with nothing, wrote spec scripts, TV treatments, etc like crazy. Met with friends, friends of friends, etc in the business and set up meetings with agents, producers, show runners, etc.

Ended up getting hired as a CSI writer in its first season…talk about luck…a show that not only wasn’t canceled, but created multiple spin offs and I think is still on network TV.

Has a 9-figure net worth as she became a show runner and senior exec at the production company.

This is a complete unicorn…I get that…but her work ethic was in the top 0.1%. Even she would comment about all the “faux” creatives/actors who think they will be discovered.

[Anonymous]

passions rarely buy groceries, pay for utilities, pay for a place to sleep. you can passion all day once your immediate needs are met.
I blame tv for that crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People sell out all the time. No shame in it. Beats eating Ramen in your 50s.

+1 I had a friend who called me a sell out for majoring in something that was more marketable. Said friend pursued some liberal art degree. After they graduated, they could not find a decent paying job, whereas I had an internship that turned into a good paying job right after graduation.

They ended up in the same field as me years later, but had to get a masters to do so. They are really successful now, and I'm super happy for them. But, years ago, they apologized for calling me a sell out.

[Anonymous]

oh no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two opinions on this. If my kid say wants to pursue a career in comedy or acting or a musician or painting...well it all comes down to work ethic. You would be shocked when you read biographies of successful artists that underlying their success was an incredible work ethic. We all know Malcolm Gladwell with the 10,000 hours and the Beatles...but Dave Grohl's mom essentially said the same thing...she only let him quit high school because he would gig 2-3 shows a day and was always working at his craft. Taylor Swift same thing, walking up and down Nashville row as a 12-year old, maintaining cue cards on every record and radio executive she met so that she would remember their wives, kids, etc.. Heck, even the Motley Crue book will tell you how hard that crazy group of "traditional" f**k ups would work to make their band a success.

So, if I had a kid that just didn't "talk" about it, but actually did it...I would worry, but I would let them pursue their passion. However, if the true work ethic just is not there, we as parents need to be willing to give some blunt talk, and perhaps redirect them to a career that maybe is passion-adjacent, but pays the bills. I wish I had the answer on this because even passion-adjacent can "pay the bills" but not much more. Alternatively, you talk to them and try to focus on their interests vs. the industry.

Great post. This is/was DH's cousin. Well, the opposite of Swift. Wanted to pursue the arts during the day but return home to the comforts of what they had in childhood. Ditto for the husband. They did work, including one of them as a server, but they also they wanted to travel for six weeks to three months at a shot and didn't understand why the parents wouldn't cover their rent while they were away - let alone every month. "We wouldn't have to put in as many hours if we didn't have to pay our rent."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have money ourselves. They have cool jobs but always worry about money and have crappy unstable lives (in their own words) which make them depressed and always stressed out. We supported them in this path but now feel like maybe we should have steered them towards having a traditional career. They tried that out and didn’t like it.

I have a nephew like that who pursued his art degree at NYU. After 8 years post. graduation and working in several coffee shops and art galleries, juggling 2-3 jobs at time, he is now getting his degree in computer science. My kids, after watching this nightmare, went straight to engineering school.

I don’t think that’s a nightmare, that’s a young person figuring things out. I bet he’s met more interesting people and has better stories than your kids. And he’ll never have to wonder what could’ve been if only he’d tried. You only live once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my sister. After my dad passed away and was no longer available to subsidize her life, she pivoted from her low-paying journalism job to marketing and now makes decent money.

Funny how that is.

Seriously though, you can have your passions - but you need to find a way to pay the bills. No one has a right to another person funding their life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:passions rarely buy groceries, pay for utilities, pay for a place to sleep. you can passion all day once your immediate needs are met.
I blame tv for that crap.

Money rarely buys happiness and peace. I blame consumerism for that. Some money is necessary for basics but after that you can spend all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can always change careers. This is their problem to handle.

+1. I switched careers in my early 30s. How old are your kids?