What do you do when your kids pursue their passions and are now broke as adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They can peruse the goodies available to low income people.
No, I am not an RWNJ.
I am someone who works part time, lives in a nice subsidized apartment, gets money for groceries, travels (often using points) and sometimes eats out. My kid will get a low cost college education, god willing.

Wow. People like you are why some people become RWNJ. You do realize that your subsidized apartment and money for groceries are being funded by people who don't feel entitled to work part time and live like a parasite off the work of others, don't you?

NP
Subsidized housing is absolutely nothing compared to the actual parasites your taxes fund. It is also necessary with housing costs, necessary low wage workers and a lot of individual situations. You don't know that poster's situation or history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have money ourselves. They have cool jobs but always worry about money and have crappy unstable lives (in their own words) which make them depressed and always stressed out. We supported them in this path but now feel like maybe we should have steered them towards having a traditional career. They tried that out and didn’t like it.

I have a nephew like that who pursued his art degree at NYU. After 8 years post. graduation and working in several coffee shops and art galleries, juggling 2-3 jobs at time, he is now getting his degree in computer science. My kids, after watching this nightmare, went straight to engineering school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can peruse the goodies available to low income people.
No, I am not an RWNJ.
I am someone who works part time, lives in a nice subsidized apartment, gets money for groceries, travels (often using points) and sometimes eats out. My kid will get a low cost college education, god willing.

Same. My kid got free full financial aid in Ivy League school. If I work hard and make even $120,000 I would be disqualified from FA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have money ourselves. They have cool jobs but always worry about money and have crappy unstable lives (in their own words) which make them depressed and always stressed out. We supported them in this path but now feel like maybe we should have steered them towards having a traditional career. They tried that out and didn’t like it.

You don't need to do anything. Unless they are disabled or incompetent, if they really want or need change, they would make it happen. Everyone goes through phases when grass looks greener on other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can peruse the goodies available to low income people.
No, I am not an RWNJ.
I am someone who works part time, lives in a nice subsidized apartment, gets money for groceries, travels (often using points) and sometimes eats out. My kid will get a low cost college education, god willing.

Same. My kid got free full financial aid in Ivy League school. If I work hard and make even $120,000 I would be disqualified from FA.

This shows how messed up college aid system is.

[Anonymous]

There is no shortage of unhappy people who work in lucrative fields. They find it soul sucking, stressful and depressing but have to support lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

This is tricky. It’s hard to put any pressure on an adult especially a career path that will make them miserable even more. I get it that financial stability is important, but at what expense? One’s mental health? Unhappy life? This is a very tricky situation.

[Anonymous]

It’s all about balance. There is what you love and what you have to do to support yourself. If you are lucky they are the same. If you aren’t lucky it’s important to have the confidence that doing more than one thing isn’t a cop out. I consider myself to be a professional artist, but I can count the years on one hand that art supported all my income needs. Most artists I know have multiple side hustles, everything from teaching to book keeping to working in arts administration to having a partner that makes enough to support their artistic choices.

This applies to many passion careers besides art such as education, child or elder care, writing, non profit work, academia, etc.

[Anonymous]

Late 50s and have always worked low paying not for profit jobs. If I am happy, why does this bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s and have always worked low paying not for profit jobs. If I am happy, why does this bother you?

Do you complain about being broke and having a crappy unstable life? If not, what does any of this have to do with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can peruse the goodies available to low income people.
No, I am not an RWNJ.
I am someone who works part time, lives in a nice subsidized apartment, gets money for groceries, travels (often using points) and sometimes eats out. My kid will get a low cost college education, god willing.

Same. My kid got free full financial aid in Ivy League school. If I work hard and make even $120,000 I would be disqualified from FA.

This shows how messed up college aid system is.

How?

[Anonymous]

I probably wouldn't have clicked on this thread six months ago, but here we are as a family. We've had some health changes over the last few months and now I'm a lot more focused on our DCs being able to support themselves as opposed to being subsidized (e.g., money for house down payment, annual gift, etc). For example, one DC is very interested in being a school teacher, most likely at an independent HS. They like kids, they were inspired by certain teachers, and DC seems to think it might mesh with what are some of their attention challenges, etc. And heck, we need good teachers!

But now our finances have taken a bit of a hit and may for awhile. We may not have the surplus to do this as well as ensure that our care needs are covered w/o being a burden to our DCs.

Do we discuss with this DC now, while in college? Leave it and see how it manifests? DC probably doesn't have the skills or the span for consulting/financing/law so don't want them to go down a road where they might be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have money ourselves. They have cool jobs but always worry about money and have crappy unstable lives (in their own words) which make them depressed and always stressed out. We supported them in this path but now feel like maybe we should have steered them towards having a traditional career. They tried that out and didn’t like it.

You failed them.

Getting a solid profession is paramount.

[Anonymous]

I have two opinions on this. If my kid say wants to pursue a career in comedy or acting or a musician or painting...well it all comes down to work ethic. You would be shocked when you read biographies of successful artists that underlying their success was an incredible work ethic. We all know Malcolm Gladwell with the 10,000 hours and the Beatles...but Dave Grohl's mom essentially said the same thing...she only let him quit high school because he would gig 2-3 shows a day and was always working at his craft. Taylor Swift same thing, walking up and down Nashville row as a 12-year old, maintaining cue cards on every record and radio executive she met so that she would remember their wives, kids, etc.. Heck, even the Motley Crue book will tell you how hard that crazy group of "traditional" f**k ups would work to make their band a success.

So, if I had a kid that just didn't "talk" about it, but actually did it...I would worry, but I would let them pursue their passion. However, if the true work ethic just is not there, we as parents need to be willing to give some blunt talk, and perhaps redirect them to a career that maybe is passion-adjacent, but pays the bills. I wish I had the answer on this because even passion-adjacent can "pay the bills" but not much more. Alternatively, you talk to them and try to focus on their interests vs. the industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s and have always worked low paying not for profit jobs. If I am happy, why does this bother you?

Do you complain about being broke and having a crappy unstable life? If not, what does any of this have to do with you?

Why would you assume they are "broke" and living a "crappy unstable life"? There are many ways to skin a cat. They might have had family help in buying an apartment or house. They might have a high earning spouse. They might just not need as many material goods as you do to feel satisfied in life. Who knows.

You are the person who comes across as unhappy though when you lash out at strangers like this.