Platonic boy girl friendships in high school

[Anonymous]

I understand your anxiety, OP but there isn't much you can do about it. It sounds like they get along really well and it's great that her boyfriend is actually someone she also likes as a friend. It would be so much worse if he were a jerk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% guarantee he wants to be more than friends. Maybe he will make a move, maybe not. Maybe she will. Men and women aren’t meant to be “best friends.” One always wants more. Either they will get together or find other mates and their friendship will shift. But you have no control over this. Why even think about it?

NP here but I'm wondering if it's your life experience that makes you think this, or if you have actual experience raising children?

My teen has a boy best friend- who she has been best friends with since K. So you are saying he wants more than friendship? And if he didn't, he would have ditched the friendship by now? Sorry, this makes no sense.

I agree with this PP. My DS has a best friend since K that is a girl. She is like a sister to him. I can't see them ever dating. I always had male friends that were just friends. Some of us can do this.

Me too!!! Who are these people who think women and men can't be friends? It's sad really. I'd have missed a lot of great friendships in my life if I thought like that.

Some people aren't attracted to each other. That's it. It's not that complicated.

Do you live under a rock? Or are in denial? You are clearly a woman.

The main thing driving men outside of puberty to stay in a close friendship with a woman is sexual tension/attraction. You are only BFFs as long as he is single. Once he has a girlfriend, and if it isn’t the BFF, the constant texting and frequent hang outs with girl BFF will drastically reduce. Women love male friends because they give them more attention and are nicer than female friends. They are not the same with their male friends. There are reasons for this.

Except all the women here have had a different experience. I'm the poster whose friend was in usher in my wedding. I also gave a speech at his wedding. I don't think that's an exceptional situation. I know a lot of people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% guarantee he wants to be more than friends. Maybe he will make a move, maybe not. Maybe she will. Men and women aren’t meant to be “best friends.” One always wants more. Either they will get together or find other mates and their friendship will shift. But you have no control over this. Why even think about it?

NP here but I'm wondering if it's your life experience that makes you think this, or if you have actual experience raising children?

My teen has a boy best friend- who she has been best friends with since K. So you are saying he wants more than friendship? And if he didn't, he would have ditched the friendship by now? Sorry, this makes no sense.

I agree with this PP. My DS has a best friend since K that is a girl. She is like a sister to him. I can't see them ever dating. I always had male friends that were just friends. Some of us can do this.

Me too!!! Who are these people who think women and men can't be friends? It's sad really. I'd have missed a lot of great friendships in my life if I thought like that.

Some people aren't attracted to each other. That's it. It's not that complicated.

Do you live under a rock? Or are in denial? You are clearly a woman.

The main thing driving men outside of puberty to stay in a close friendship with a woman is sexual tension/attraction. You are only BFFs as long as he is single. Once he has a girlfriend, and if it isn’t the BFF, the constant texting and frequent hang outs with girl BFF will drastically reduce. Women love male friends because they give them more attention and are nicer than female friends. They are not the same with their male friends. There are reasons for this.

Except all the women here have had a different experience. I'm the poster whose friend was in usher in my wedding. I also gave a speech at his wedding. I don't think that's an exceptional situation. I know a lot of people like this.

You can add me to the list. I had a male BFF in college. We never dated. I was very happy to attend his wedding. I also became BFFs with one of my exes. We both know we are compatible as friends but drove each other completely nuts while we were in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% guarantee he wants to be more than friends. Maybe he will make a move, maybe not. Maybe she will. Men and women aren’t meant to be “best friends.” One always wants more. Either they will get together or find other mates and their friendship will shift. But you have no control over this. Why even think about it?

NP here but I'm wondering if it's your life experience that makes you think this, or if you have actual experience raising children?

My teen has a boy best friend- who she has been best friends with since K. So you are saying he wants more than friendship? And if he didn't, he would have ditched the friendship by now? Sorry, this makes no sense.

I agree with this PP. My DS has a best friend since K that is a girl. She is like a sister to him. I can't see them ever dating. I always had male friends that were just friends. Some of us can do this.

Me too!!! Who are these people who think women and men can't be friends? It's sad really. I'd have missed a lot of great friendships in my life if I thought like that.

Some people aren't attracted to each other. That's it. It's not that complicated.

Do you live under a rock? Or are in denial? You are clearly a woman.

The main thing driving men outside of puberty to stay in a close friendship with a woman is sexual tension/attraction. You are only BFFs as long as he is single. Once he has a girlfriend, and if it isn’t the BFF, the constant texting and frequent hang outs with girl BFF will drastically reduce. Women love male friends because they give them more attention and are nicer than female friends. They are not the same with their male friends. There are reasons for this.

Except all the women here have had a different experience. I'm the poster whose friend was in usher in my wedding. I also gave a speech at his wedding. I don't think that's an exceptional situation. I know a lot of people like this.

You can add me to the list. I had a male BFF in college. We never dated. I was very happy to attend his wedding. I also became BFFs with one of my exes. We both know we are compatible as friends but drove each other completely nuts while we were in a relationship.

As boys mature, they can hold platonic friendships. The women on this thread are talking about adult platonic relationships.

OP's situation is about a teenage boy. Unless the boy is homosexual or the girl is not very attractive, it's highly unusual for the boy to not have hormone-caused sexual attraction.

[Anonymous]

My son in middle school's BFF is his "sister" a girl he's known since they were 2. They often hang out at the skate park, the arcade and other places with their friends. And it's more often just the two of them.

I do wonder what the future holds down the road, but I do hope they're still close friends when they're in high school. His circle of friends has always been pretty equally split boys and girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% guarantee he wants to be more than friends. Maybe he will make a move, maybe not. Maybe she will. Men and women aren’t meant to be “best friends.” One always wants more. Either they will get together or find other mates and their friendship will shift. But you have no control over this. Why even think about it?

NP here but I'm wondering if it's your life experience that makes you think this, or if you have actual experience raising children?

My teen has a boy best friend- who she has been best friends with since K. So you are saying he wants more than friendship? And if he didn't, he would have ditched the friendship by now? Sorry, this makes no sense.

I agree with this PP. My DS has a best friend since K that is a girl. She is like a sister to him. I can't see them ever dating. I always had male friends that were just friends. Some of us can do this.

Me too!!! Who are these people who think women and men can't be friends? It's sad really. I'd have missed a lot of great friendships in my life if I thought like that.

Some people aren't attracted to each other. That's it. It's not that complicated.

Do you live under a rock? Or are in denial? You are clearly a woman.

The main thing driving men outside of puberty to stay in a close friendship with a woman is sexual tension/attraction. You are only BFFs as long as he is single. Once he has a girlfriend, and if it isn’t the BFF, the constant texting and frequent hang outs with girl BFF will drastically reduce. Women love male friends because they give them more attention and are nicer than female friends. They are not the same with their male friends. There are reasons for this.

Except all the women here have had a different experience. I'm the poster whose friend was in usher in my wedding. I also gave a speech at his wedding. I don't think that's an exceptional situation. I know a lot of people like this.

You can add me to the list. I had a male BFF in college. We never dated. I was very happy to attend his wedding. I also became BFFs with one of my exes. We both know we are compatible as friends but drove each other completely nuts while we were in a relationship.

As boys mature, they can hold platonic friendships. The women on this thread are talking about adult platonic relationships.

OP's situation is about a teenage boy. Unless the boy is homosexual or the girl is not very attractive, it's highly unusual for the boy to not have hormone-caused sexual attraction.

Give me a break. So you are saying a guy/girl that have been friends since ES and all of a sudden they go thru puberty and the boy wants to only jump the girls bones or they aren't friends anymore. RIDICULOUS

[Anonymous]

Most of my (37f) best friends in high school were guys. We had regular communication (for the early 2000s) and did mot activities together, it never meant we were going to become romantic. In all honesty, 1 of them was romantically interested in me and it became an issue down the road, but the others remained close friends without that drama. She'll figure it out and learn, I think if she asks for your help just tell her that if she feels strongly for her friend romantically, it's worth trying than wondering what if, but to be mindful of the friendship that they've had when it's over (i assume this friendship will have lasted longer than the romantic relationship will)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% guarantee he wants to be more than friends. Maybe he will make a move, maybe not. Maybe she will. Men and women aren’t meant to be “best friends.” One always wants more. Either they will get together or find other mates and their friendship will shift. But you have no control over this. Why even think about it?

NP here but I'm wondering if it's your life experience that makes you think this, or if you have actual experience raising children?

My teen has a boy best friend- who she has been best friends with since K. So you are saying he wants more than friendship? And if he didn't, he would have ditched the friendship by now? Sorry, this makes no sense.

I agree with this PP. My DS has a best friend since K that is a girl. She is like a sister to him. I can't see them ever dating. I always had male friends that were just friends. Some of us can do this.

Me too!!! Who are these people who think women and men can't be friends? It's sad really. I'd have missed a lot of great friendships in my life if I thought like that.

Some people aren't attracted to each other. That's it. It's not that complicated.

Do you live under a rock? Or are in denial? You are clearly a woman.

The main thing driving men outside of puberty to stay in a close friendship with a woman is sexual tension/attraction. You are only BFFs as long as he is single. Once he has a girlfriend, and if it isn’t the BFF, the constant texting and frequent hang outs with girl BFF will drastically reduce. Women love male friends because they give them more attention and are nicer than female friends. They are not the same with their male friends. There are reasons for this.

Except all the women here have had a different experience. I'm the poster whose friend was in usher in my wedding. I also gave a speech at his wedding. I don't think that's an exceptional situation. I know a lot of people like this.

You can add me to the list. I had a male BFF in college. We never dated. I was very happy to attend his wedding. I also became BFFs with one of my exes. We both know we are compatible as friends but drove each other completely nuts while we were in a relationship.

As boys mature, they can hold platonic friendships. The women on this thread are talking about adult platonic relationships.

OP's situation is about a teenage boy. Unless the boy is homosexual or the girl is not very attractive, it's highly unusual for the boy to not have hormone-caused sexual attraction.

Give me a break. So you are saying a guy/girl that have been friends since ES and all of a sudden they go thru puberty and the boy wants to only jump the girls bones or they aren't friends anymore. RIDICULOUS

Pretty much. It’s been studied. Men view the friendship different than women do, even if it doesn’t seem like it to you (the woman).

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% guarantee he wants to be more than friends. Maybe he will make a move, maybe not. Maybe she will. Men and women aren’t meant to be “best friends.” One always wants more. Either they will get together or find other mates and their friendship will shift. But you have no control over this. Why even think about it?

NP here but I'm wondering if it's your life experience that makes you think this, or if you have actual experience raising children?

My teen has a boy best friend- who she has been best friends with since K. So you are saying he wants more than friendship? And if he didn't, he would have ditched the friendship by now? Sorry, this makes no sense.

I agree with this PP. My DS has a best friend since K that is a girl. She is like a sister to him. I can't see them ever dating. I always had male friends that were just friends. Some of us can do this.

Me too!!! Who are these people who think women and men can't be friends? It's sad really. I'd have missed a lot of great friendships in my life if I thought like that.

Some people aren't attracted to each other. That's it. It's not that complicated.

Do you live under a rock? Or are in denial? You are clearly a woman.

The main thing driving men outside of puberty to stay in a close friendship with a woman is sexual tension/attraction. You are only BFFs as long as he is single. Once he has a girlfriend, and if it isn’t the BFF, the constant texting and frequent hang outs with girl BFF will drastically reduce. Women love male friends because they give them more attention and are nicer than female friends. They are not the same with their male friends. There are reasons for this.

I believe you believe this but the reality is some men are nothing like you.

Thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% guarantee he wants to be more than friends. Maybe he will make a move, maybe not. Maybe she will. Men and women aren’t meant to be “best friends.” One always wants more. Either they will get together or find other mates and their friendship will shift. But you have no control over this. Why even think about it?

NP here but I'm wondering if it's your life experience that makes you think this, or if you have actual experience raising children?

My teen has a boy best friend- who she has been best friends with since K. So you are saying he wants more than friendship? And if he didn't, he would have ditched the friendship by now? Sorry, this makes no sense.

I agree with this PP. My DS has a best friend since K that is a girl. She is like a sister to him. I can't see them ever dating. I always had male friends that were just friends. Some of us can do this.

Me too!!! Who are these people who think women and men can't be friends? It's sad really. I'd have missed a lot of great friendships in my life if I thought like that.

Some people aren't attracted to each other. That's it. It's not that complicated.

Do you live under a rock? Or are in denial? You are clearly a woman.

The main thing driving men outside of puberty to stay in a close friendship with a woman is sexual tension/attraction. You are only BFFs as long as he is single. Once he has a girlfriend, and if it isn’t the BFF, the constant texting and frequent hang outs with girl BFF will drastically reduce. Women love male friends because they give them more attention and are nicer than female friends. They are not the same with their male friends. There are reasons for this.

Except all the women here have had a different experience. I'm the poster whose friend was in usher in my wedding. I also gave a speech at his wedding. I don't think that's an exceptional situation. I know a lot of people like this.

You can add me to the list. I had a male BFF in college. We never dated. I was very happy to attend his wedding. I also became BFFs with one of my exes. We both know we are compatible as friends but drove each other completely nuts while we were in a relationship.

As boys mature, they can hold platonic friendships. The women on this thread are talking about adult platonic relationships.

OP's situation is about a teenage boy. Unless the boy is homosexual or the girl is not very attractive, it's highly unusual for the boy to not have hormone-caused sexual attraction.

Give me a break. So you are saying a guy/girl that have been friends since ES and all of a sudden they go thru puberty and the boy wants to only jump the girls bones or they aren't friends anymore. RIDICULOUS

Pretty much. It’s been studied. Men view the friendship different than women do, even if it doesn’t seem like it to you (the woman).

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/

A whole study of 160 people in college. 😂

[Anonymous]

My sister had a guy best friend in high school. They were together all the time. 24/7 if allowed. It was a beautiful relationship. And then he wanted more. She didn’t. He really was a great guy but if you’re not attracted that way there’s not much you can do.

[Anonymous]

Let it be. No way you can save your child from all potential heartbreak nor should you aim to

[Anonymous]

My daughter had this exact friendship, constant texting FaceTime and hangouts 1 on 1 (and group). It turned out both of them liked each other the whole time and eventually one of them confessed. They dated for 6 months, and it escalated quickly when they did. They were already so comfortable with each other and it was too late to add a bunch of rules by the time I figured it out.

It was a wonderful first relationship and then he abruptly broke up with her. Which was traumatic. I think she might have tried to remain friends but he actually started being really mean, and she ended up hating him bc of it. He ended up trying to patch up the friendship but she is done with him and lots of social awkwardness has come from it bc they have a lot of mutual friends.

I don’t really know what to tell you though bc I don’t think there is a way to stop it as a parent. I will say that 5 months post break up my daughter has WAY more friends than she had when she was with him. I wonder if their friendship was actually a bit of a crutch for her that kept her from making more bc they were always hanging out just them.

Anyway - it also could just be platonic. My daughter has many male friends and I know the ones that aren’t cute or tall she would never date lol. Observe their interactions - it’s usually pretty obvious if there is interest on either side. I knew it was there as a parent even when they didn’t.

[Anonymous]

I had two really good male friends in ms and hs. They were so fun to be friends with, difficult than girls. They were straight and it never progressed past that.

I think in college it was harder to not try to progress beyond a platonic relationship--it happened that I wanted to in one case, and other guys made moves, with no hints from me.

In high school, we were not as bold and were more innocent so we didn't think about it. They can remain platonic or if it changes, it might even be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 has been friends with a boy for about a year. Over the past few months they have become very close. This weekend they went ice skating on Saturday (other friends were there too) but when I picked her up it was just the two of them left at the rink. Then on Sunday they went and played basketball together (just the two of them). They are constantly texting and communicating through Snapchat. All day long it seems.
My question is, what is the chance that this will remain platonic?
I worry that if they start dating and then break up, DD will lose one of her best friends, and she doesn’t have many friends.

I met my husband when we were both 15. We were casual friends then got to be closer friends her a period of about six months. Everyone kept saying stuff to us about dating and I rolled my eyes every time and said boys and girls could just be friends.

Well we started dating. And are still together 25 years later.

I don't see how fretting about any of this will help on your end.