I feel no joy or desire to execute this Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Book a trip for next thanksgiving as a consolation gift to yourself.

NP. If they rotate, it will be her parents’ turn for Thanksgiving next year, so she’ll want to take a Christmas vacation.

Good plan for now, OP. “I don’t know what Kevin has planned” is perfect. Especially if your spouse’s name is not Kevin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so ridiculous. There are millions of American families for whom hosting Thanksgiving is drudgery because some of the guests don’t rank among their favorite people on the planet. They don’t all write a novel about it. I don’t understand this thread at all.

Then why are you here, making it longer, and pushing it to the top of Recent Topics?

OP said she is usually an enthusiastic host who does a lot. There is clearly a marked difference between how she has felt in past years, and how she feels now. She’s asking if people can relate and if they have any advice.

As it turns out, many of us CAN relate to feeling like scaling back for unhelpful, ungrateful relatives—in my case, it is my parents who act like they should be waited on hand and foot during visits. ILs do not have a monopoly on being ungrateful, unhelpful and demanding houseguests. That’s just how it happens to be for OP.

What is it that you feel personally offended or threatened by, PP? Are you an ungrateful guest, an IL no one likes, or someone who wants to host but can’t?

Of course many of you can relate. That’s not surprising. You’re all miserable, and you know what they say about misery and company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When asked where the X is you can reply that you’re paring down and it’s not a family favorite. Toss in a gratuitous “And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, let’s all model being thankful for what’s been given to us.”

I love that response.


I also think you should either have a mental or secret bingo cheat for all the stupid things they complain about so you can check them off the list.

Not secret! Post it here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so ridiculous. There are millions of American families for whom hosting Thanksgiving is drudgery because some of the guests don’t rank among their favorite people on the planet. They don’t all write a novel about it. I don’t understand this thread at all.

Then why are you here, making it longer, and pushing it to the top of Recent Topics?

OP said she is usually an enthusiastic host who does a lot. There is clearly a marked difference between how she has felt in past years, and how she feels now. She’s asking if people can relate and if they have any advice.

As it turns out, many of us CAN relate to feeling like scaling back for unhelpful, ungrateful relatives—in my case, it is my parents who act like they should be waited on hand and foot during visits. ILs do not have a monopoly on being ungrateful, unhelpful and demanding houseguests. That’s just how it happens to be for OP.

What is it that you feel personally offended or threatened by, PP? Are you an ungrateful guest, an IL no one likes, or someone who wants to host but can’t?

Of course many of you can relate. That’s not surprising. You’re all miserable, and you know what they say about misery and company.

You sound bored. You sound like you don’t have much going on in your life. If this thread isn’t something that interests you, then move on. That’s what happy people do. I hope you feel better soon. Happy Holidays. You sound lonely, angry and left behind. That seems awful, and I truly hope things improve for you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you’re making a nice meal. Don’t take their comments without pushing back this time. Use your DGAF mood to stick up for yourself. As PP said, do fun things with your kids, who will value that much more than an additional side dish or polished silver. Please yourself. Start new traditions. Get pizza or a Costco lasagna for other meals. You should also enjoy the holiday, and it sounds like it’s time to refocus and make it fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so ridiculous. There are millions of American families for whom hosting Thanksgiving is drudgery because some of the guests don’t rank among their favorite people on the planet. They don’t all write a novel about it. I don’t understand this thread at all.

Then why are you here, making it longer, and pushing it to the top of Recent Topics?

OP said she is usually an enthusiastic host who does a lot. There is clearly a marked difference between how she has felt in past years, and how she feels now. She’s asking if people can relate and if they have any advice.

As it turns out, many of us CAN relate to feeling like scaling back for unhelpful, ungrateful relatives—in my case, it is my parents who act like they should be waited on hand and foot during visits. ILs do not have a monopoly on being ungrateful, unhelpful and demanding houseguests. That’s just how it happens to be for OP.

What is it that you feel personally offended or threatened by, PP? Are you an ungrateful guest, an IL no one likes, or someone who wants to host but can’t?

Of course many of you can relate. That’s not surprising. You’re all miserable, and you know what they say about misery and company.

You sound bored. You sound like you don’t have much going on in your life. If this thread isn’t something that interests you, then move on. That’s what happy people do. I hope you feel better soon. Happy Holidays. You sound lonely, angry and left behind. That seems awful, and I truly hope things improve for you.

LOL! The ones who can’t do anything but complain about Thanksgiving are the ones with “not much going on in their lives.” You really can’t grasp how miserable of a thread this is? Hilarious that you think that the one poster who spots this is the “lonely” one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so ridiculous. There are millions of American families for whom hosting Thanksgiving is drudgery because some of the guests don’t rank among their favorite people on the planet. They don’t all write a novel about it. I don’t understand this thread at all.

Then why are you here, making it longer, and pushing it to the top of Recent Topics?

OP said she is usually an enthusiastic host who does a lot. There is clearly a marked difference between how she has felt in past years, and how she feels now. She’s asking if people can relate and if they have any advice.

As it turns out, many of us CAN relate to feeling like scaling back for unhelpful, ungrateful relatives—in my case, it is my parents who act like they should be waited on hand and foot during visits. ILs do not have a monopoly on being ungrateful, unhelpful and demanding houseguests. That’s just how it happens to be for OP.

What is it that you feel personally offended or threatened by, PP? Are you an ungrateful guest, an IL no one likes, or someone who wants to host but can’t?

Of course many of you can relate. That’s not surprising. You’re all miserable, and you know what they say about misery and company.

You sound bored. You sound like you don’t have much going on in your life. If this thread isn’t something that interests you, then move on. That’s what happy people do. I hope you feel better soon. Happy Holidays. You sound lonely, angry and left behind. That seems awful, and I truly hope things improve for you.

LOL! The ones who can’t do anything but complain about Thanksgiving are the ones with “not much going on in their lives.” You really can’t grasp how miserable of a thread this is? Hilarious that you think that the one poster who spots this is the “lonely” one.

Happy people don’t spend their time in threads that don’t resonate with them, looking to ridicule others. I sincerely hope you find something better to do with your time. I’m sorry that whatever you are going through has made you such a miserable person that even getting negative attention online is satisfying to you. If your family isn’t willing to have you for Thanksgiving, maybe you can find someone from a community organization who needs volunteers or something. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have felt this way before and catered everything that year. Afterwards, I told DH the only thing that could have made this better is paper plates. It was the only time my MIL didn't annoy me. She usually tries to help and then things just get burned or ruined, and I'm a frazzled mess trying to keep up with her need to ask constant questions and get in the way. Why can't MILs just go spend time with their grandkids?

Here: https://catering.balduccis.com/items/category/thanksgiving-full-dinner-package
$189 for 6 people and your husband doesn't have to do anything either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so ridiculous. There are millions of American families for whom hosting Thanksgiving is drudgery because some of the guests don’t rank among their favorite people on the planet. They don’t all write a novel about it. I don’t understand this thread at all.

Then why are you here, making it longer, and pushing it to the top of Recent Topics?

OP said she is usually an enthusiastic host who does a lot. There is clearly a marked difference between how she has felt in past years, and how she feels now. She’s asking if people can relate and if they have any advice.

As it turns out, many of us CAN relate to feeling like scaling back for unhelpful, ungrateful relatives—in my case, it is my parents who act like they should be waited on hand and foot during visits. ILs do not have a monopoly on being ungrateful, unhelpful and demanding houseguests. That’s just how it happens to be for OP.

What is it that you feel personally offended or threatened by, PP? Are you an ungrateful guest, an IL no one likes, or someone who wants to host but can’t?

Of course many of you can relate. That’s not surprising. You’re all miserable, and you know what they say about misery and company.

You sound bored. You sound like you don’t have much going on in your life. If this thread isn’t something that interests you, then move on. That’s what happy people do. I hope you feel better soon. Happy Holidays. You sound lonely, angry and left behind. That seems awful, and I truly hope things improve for you.

LOL! The ones who can’t do anything but complain about Thanksgiving are the ones with “not much going on in their lives.” You really can’t grasp how miserable of a thread this is? Hilarious that you think that the one poster who spots this is the “lonely” one.

Happy people don’t spend their time in threads that don’t resonate with them, looking to ridicule others. I sincerely hope you find something better to do with your time. I’m sorry that whatever you are going through has made you such a miserable person that even getting negative attention online is satisfying to you. If your family isn’t willing to have you for Thanksgiving, maybe you can find someone from a community organization who needs volunteers or something. Good luck.

Lol yea this thread is fully of happy, well adjusted and giving people. 😂

[Anonymous]

I don't feel the joy of doing anything for Thanksgiving either!
But, I'm happy on my own instead of engaging with the dysfunctional family with a mental ill sister who every body is avoiding. yet, I have been selected to solve the problem again. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some point, I think it's okay to just have the meal catered by someone else in the long run. It's cheaper than a trip to the therapist afterwards... I'm glad your husband is stepping up. Just remind yourself. It's one day you can get through it

+1 and use paper plates, that sort of thing. When I suggested this, my SIL hated the idea. And yet she is one of those types that avoids helping out with meal prep and clean up. If I was host, that’s how I would do it.

[Anonymous]

PP. Because of this thread I started really considering catering this year when his parents come over for Thanksgiving. We were anticipating a lot of stress so DH and I discussed and thought, why not. If it doesn't work out, we'll do differently next time. This seriously lifted a big weight off us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. Because of this thread I started really considering catering this year when his parents come over for Thanksgiving. We were anticipating a lot of stress so DH and I discussed and thought, why not. If it doesn't work out, we'll do differently next time. This seriously lifted a big weight off us.

OP here. Wow, I’m glad to hear it! I’ve started not caring about things I usually care about. The house will be clean and there will be a holiday dinner on the table. If that’s the extent of our hosting this time, so be it. I think catering sounds great. Please let me know how it goes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just picking up on your "gathering of 6 with 2 small children" - is your Thanksgiving your family (with kids) and all the guests are adults? This is a hard thing to get excited about IMO. It's a lot of work but at the end of the day kids keep having their own needs and no peers to enjoy it with.

Just venting about some of my own Tgivings!

OP here. Yes, it’s really quiet and boring. My family has tons of cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. We rarely see DH’s sister and her family as they live on the West Coast, but at least things are a little lively when they are part of the mix.

I’m just going to scale back, do only what I’ve committed to doing, and let the rest of them figure it out with takeout menus or whatever. I’ll have plenty of food around so people can make themselves a sandwich whenever. It’s just going to be a little funny because I don’t think appetizers or anything like that have occurred to DH, so we’ll probably end up scrounging around for olives and cheese until the food is ready. I just don’t care this year. As long as my kids are fed, people can go help themselves to whatever. I’m not interested in appetizers and cocktails.

I’m not going to agree with everyone else. I think it is rude to host people and “not care.” If you had issues with the way your in-laws behaved in the past, you should have communicated back then. If you feel overwhelmed cooking people’s traditional dishes, ask them to help. If you aren’t up to hosting, don’t invite people. And finally, whether you like it or not, your in-laws are part of your family. You need to learn how to do the things required to have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just picking up on your "gathering of 6 with 2 small children" - is your Thanksgiving your family (with kids) and all the guests are adults? This is a hard thing to get excited about IMO. It's a lot of work but at the end of the day kids keep having their own needs and no peers to enjoy it with.

Just venting about some of my own Tgivings!

OP here. Yes, it’s really quiet and boring. My family has tons of cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. We rarely see DH’s sister and her family as they live on the West Coast, but at least things are a little lively when they are part of the mix.

I’m just going to scale back, do only what I’ve committed to doing, and let the rest of them figure it out with takeout menus or whatever. I’ll have plenty of food around so people can make themselves a sandwich whenever. It’s just going to be a little funny because I don’t think appetizers or anything like that have occurred to DH, so we’ll probably end up scrounging around for olives and cheese until the food is ready. I just don’t care this year. As long as my kids are fed, people can go help themselves to whatever. I’m not interested in appetizers and cocktails.

I’m not going to agree with everyone else. I think it is rude to host people and “not care.” If you had issues with the way your in-laws behaved in the past, you should have communicated back then. If you feel overwhelmed cooking people’s traditional dishes, ask them to help. If you aren’t up to hosting, don’t invite people. And finally, whether you like it or not, your in-laws are part of your family. You need to learn how to do the things required to have a relationship.

OP. Well, there will be a clean house and a full holiday meal, so I guess we are hosting.

I never said they weren’t a part of my family. I don’t think my family of origin is perfect and my husband’s isn’t. But yeah, when people complain but aren’t helpful, it’s not as easy to host them. We do stand up for ourselves in the moment, so it’s not like I’m capitulating to making 26 sides and then complaining about it. We have asked them to help, by the way—they don’t. They make excuses. I wouldn’t mind at all about doing everything if they weren’t rude about what they think we “should be” doing.

My husband’s late grandmother couldn’t help, but all she ever said was thank you and was a lovely guest. It’s not about needing help, it’s about disliking the ungrateful attitude. And no, at this point in the game, I don’t “need to do” any more to have a relationship with people who are ungrateful, immature and unhelpful. I will accept their presence in my home, I will serve them a meal, and the house will be clean. If they want more, they can go to a restaurant or a resort.