I feel no joy or desire to execute this Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

I read this as “I have no desire to exercise this thanksgiving!” And just though SAME!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just picking up on your "gathering of 6 with 2 small children" - is your Thanksgiving your family (with kids) and all the guests are adults? This is a hard thing to get excited about IMO. It's a lot of work but at the end of the day kids keep having their own needs and no peers to enjoy it with.

Just venting about some of my own Tgivings!

OP here. Yes, it’s really quiet and boring. My family has tons of cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. We rarely see DH’s sister and her family as they live on the West Coast, but at least things are a little lively when they are part of the mix.

I’m just going to scale back, do only what I’ve committed to doing, and let the rest of them figure it out with takeout menus or whatever. I’ll have plenty of food around so people can make themselves a sandwich whenever. It’s just going to be a little funny because I don’t think appetizers or anything like that have occurred to DH, so we’ll probably end up scrounging around for olives and cheese until the food is ready. I just don’t care this year. As long as my kids are fed, people can go help themselves to whatever. I’m not interested in appetizers and cocktails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP just picking up on your "gathering of 6 with 2 small children" - is your Thanksgiving your family (with kids) and all the guests are adults? This is a hard thing to get excited about IMO. It's a lot of work but at the end of the day kids keep having their own needs and no peers to enjoy it with.

Just venting about some of my own Tgivings!

OP here. Yes, it’s really quiet and boring. My family has tons of cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. We rarely see DH’s sister and her family as they live on the West Coast, but at least things are a little lively when they are part of the mix.

I’m just going to scale back, do only what I’ve committed to doing, and let the rest of them figure it out with takeout menus or whatever. I’ll have plenty of food around so people can make themselves a sandwich whenever. It’s just going to be a little funny because I don’t think appetizers or anything like that have occurred to DH, so we’ll probably end up scrounging around for olives and cheese until the food is ready. I just don’t care this year. As long as my kids are fed, people can go help themselves to whatever. I’m not interested in appetizers and cocktails.

Isn't this just family? Why be OK with everything being super casual beforehand (like having takeout the night before and sandwich makings for snacking), but once the Thanksgiving meal approaches suddenly you're at the olive and cheese and cocktails level? Do you change for dinner, too? Girl, you are still making this into a big deal. Relax, it's OK to have a relaxed Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually look forward to the holidays. I have provided my Thanksgiving written-out/timed-out plan on DCUM in the past, and many posters were impressed that I had it all thought through and prepared. DH and I always share the work, but I always do the heavy lifting, with planning and execution.

We’re hosting his parents for Thanksgiving, and my parents for Christmas. I’m really looking forward to Christmas. Honestly, after the last few holidays and visits with my ILs—where they offer unsolicited advice, get in the way without helping at all, nitpick and question every little thing, and generally act ungrateful for my efforts (wondering why I don’t make all 26 possible side dishes for a gathering of 6 people, two of them small children)—I just feel no desire to “pull off” this Thanksgiving at all.

ILs have hosted twice in 12 years. I have plenty of “I’d rather do it this way” observations about how they host, but all I’ve ever said is thank you and offered to help. They actively want us to host because they’re both tired/infirm, which is fine, but they complain and always say we should do this not that, where is the [insert name of side dish that is completely extraneous and frankly gross], blah blah.

DH has stepped up and is doing the turkey, two pies, gravy, and cranberry sauce. I’m planning on making several side dishes. But that’s it. I can’t even be bothered to think about what we’ll have for dinner the night before. I just honestly don’t care. They’ll be looking to me and I just feel like I’ll shrug and say, “Ask Kevin. Not sure what he has planned.” I don’t care about houseguests, breakfast, appetizers, anything. I’m basically looking forward to making dressing, and eating one plate of dinner, and that’s it.

Usually I do so much and this year I just don’t care. The house cleaners are scheduled, I’ll pull off the cooking I have committed to. But I just. Don’t. Care. This. Year. All I care about are my kids having a good time. Can anyone relate? How did you get over your “blah”?

You really, really need to get a life and to put an end to your pity party. I cannot believe you spend this much time on such a mundane post.

Found the ungrateful, do-nothing MIL!

You again? Your refrain is really getting tiresome.

[Anonymous]

When asked where the X is you can reply that you’re paring down and it’s not a family favorite. Toss in a gratuitous “And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, let’s all model being thankful for what’s been given to us.”

[Anonymous]

Uggh. I hate hosting people like you describe. They behave as if they should be waited on, given a luxurious stay and the constant center of attention. They want to be served pretty appetizers and a cocktail while they chat with their son. They want you serve them their favorite breakfast at the hour they wake up. From their perspective, they are gracing you with their presence and since you’re the women it’s your job to be their maid, chef and concierge. Their ‘judgements’ from their perspective are helpful observations so that you can improve your job performance as womanly servant. They will never blame their son and anything he does will be a shortcoming that you didn’t do it as the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. I am having trouble getting myself in a positive frame of mind. I host and do all the cooking. We are a small group this year, and I am finally giving myself permission to scale back. There won’t be every person’s favorite dessert, there won’t be two different kinds of stuffing, etc. and that’s ok.
I’m going to focus on making sure I have time to actually be thankful this year. Most years I am way to busy to enjoy the holiday at all.
May we all have a happy holiday.

I scaled back after some family deaths, a relocation, a few disappointing thanksgivings at generous friends’ houses, and trying to do the full meal multiple times for a smallish family that just didn’t care.

Now I make the sides I like, a protein my DD likes, and not much else. It isn’t the Thanksgiving of my childhood or what I used to do, but trying to replicate those broke my spirit. I consider my alternative menu and day to be a form of self-preservation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uggh. I hate hosting people like you describe. They behave as if they should be waited on, given a luxurious stay and the constant center of attention. They want to be served pretty appetizers and a cocktail while they chat with their son. They want you serve them their favorite breakfast at the hour they wake up. From their perspective, they are gracing you with their presence and since you’re the women it’s your job to be their maid, chef and concierge. Their ‘judgements’ from their perspective are helpful observations so that you can improve your job performance as womanly servant. They will never blame their son and anything he does will be a shortcoming that you didn’t do it as the woman.

I see you hosted my mother recently! Except switch “son” with “daughter.” Same end result, though.

[Anonymous]

Yay OP!! You’ve seen the light! Why should this be on the women?? Let the men take over their own family issues. Sit back and let Kevin handle. I know it’s hard to let go - maybe let everyone (including Kevin) know that Kevin is handling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When asked where the X is you can reply that you’re paring down and it’s not a family favorite. Toss in a gratuitous “And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, let’s all model being thankful for what’s been given to us.”

I love that response.


I also think you should either have a mental or secret bingo cheat for all the stupid things they complain about so you can check them off the list.

[Anonymous]

If they complain about something I would kindly respond. Oh I will be sure not to include that next time then.....
And you can also head off any negative comments by starting the meal saying you are so thankful and blessed to have everyone with you who appreciates and is thankful for the food in front of them..... You look like pretty crappy people to complain about it after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually look forward to the holidays. I have provided my Thanksgiving written-out/timed-out plan on DCUM in the past, and many posters were impressed that I had it all thought through and prepared. DH and I always share the work, but I always do the heavy lifting, with planning and execution.

We’re hosting his parents for Thanksgiving, and my parents for Christmas. I’m really looking forward to Christmas. Honestly, after the last few holidays and visits with my ILs—where they offer unsolicited advice, get in the way without helping at all, nitpick and question every little thing, and generally act ungrateful for my efforts (wondering why I don’t make all 26 possible side dishes for a gathering of 6 people, two of them small children)—I just feel no desire to “pull off” this Thanksgiving at all.

ILs have hosted twice in 12 years. I have plenty of “I’d rather do it this way” observations about how they host, but all I’ve ever said is thank you and offered to help. They actively want us to host because they’re both tired/infirm, which is fine, but they complain and always say we should do this not that, where is the [insert name of side dish that is completely extraneous and frankly gross], blah blah.

DH has stepped up and is doing the turkey, two pies, gravy, and cranberry sauce. I’m planning on making several side dishes. But that’s it. I can’t even be bothered to think about what we’ll have for dinner the night before. I just honestly don’t care. They’ll be looking to me and I just feel like I’ll shrug and say, “Ask Kevin. Not sure what he has planned.” I don’t care about houseguests, breakfast, appetizers, anything. I’m basically looking forward to making dressing, and eating one plate of dinner, and that’s it.

Usually I do so much and this year I just don’t care. The house cleaners are scheduled, I’ll pull off the cooking I have committed to. But I just. Don’t. Care. This. Year. All I care about are my kids having a good time. Can anyone relate? How did you get over your “blah”?

Everyone can relate at some level. Its fine. Keep focus on being thankful for having health, hubby, kids and a home. Be gracious to everyone and tune out unpleasant remarks, be the better person. Soon November would be over and you can start Christmas jungles.

[Anonymous]

This is so ridiculous. There are millions of American families for whom hosting Thanksgiving is drudgery because some of the guests don’t rank among their favorite people on the planet. They don’t all write a novel about it. I don’t understand this thread at all.

[Anonymous]

Book a trip for next thanksgiving as a consolation gift to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so ridiculous. There are millions of American families for whom hosting Thanksgiving is drudgery because some of the guests don’t rank among their favorite people on the planet. They don’t all write a novel about it. I don’t understand this thread at all.

Then why are you here, making it longer, and pushing it to the top of Recent Topics?

OP said she is usually an enthusiastic host who does a lot. There is clearly a marked difference between how she has felt in past years, and how she feels now. She’s asking if people can relate and if they have any advice.

As it turns out, many of us CAN relate to feeling like scaling back for unhelpful, ungrateful relatives—in my case, it is my parents who act like they should be waited on hand and foot during visits. ILs do not have a monopoly on being ungrateful, unhelpful and demanding houseguests. That’s just how it happens to be for OP.

What is it that you feel personally offended or threatened by, PP? Are you an ungrateful guest, an IL no one likes, or someone who wants to host but can’t?