I feel no joy or desire to execute this Thanksgiving
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I usually look forward to the holidays. I have provided my Thanksgiving written-out/timed-out plan on DCUM in the past, and many posters were impressed that I had it all thought through and prepared. DH and I always share the work, but I always do the heavy lifting, with planning and execution.
We’re hosting his parents for Thanksgiving, and my parents for Christmas. I’m really looking forward to Christmas. Honestly, after the last few holidays and visits with my ILs—where they offer unsolicited advice, get in the way without helping at all, nitpick and question every little thing, and generally act ungrateful for my efforts (wondering why I don’t make all 26 possible side dishes for a gathering of 6 people, two of them small children)—I just feel no desire to “pull off” this Thanksgiving at all. ILs have hosted twice in 12 years. I have plenty of “I’d rather do it this way” observations about how they host, but all I’ve ever said is thank you and offered to help. They actively want us to host because they’re both tired/infirm, which is fine, but they complain and always say we should do this not that, where is the [insert name of side dish that is completely extraneous and frankly gross], blah blah. DH has stepped up and is doing the turkey, two pies, gravy, and cranberry sauce. I’m planning on making several side dishes. But that’s it. I can’t even be bothered to think about what we’ll have for dinner the night before. I just honestly don’t care. They’ll be looking to me and I just feel like I’ll shrug and say, “Ask Kevin. Not sure what he has planned.” I don’t care about houseguests, breakfast, appetizers, anything. I’m basically looking forward to making dressing, and eating one plate of dinner, and that’s it. Usually I do so much and this year I just don’t care. The house cleaners are scheduled, I’ll pull off the cooking I have committed to. But I just. Don’t. Care. This. Year. All I care about are my kids having a good time. Can anyone relate? How did you get over your “blah”? |
Anonymous
| At some point, I think it's okay to just have the meal catered by someone else in the long run. It's cheaper than a trip to the therapist afterwards... I'm glad your husband is stepping up. Just remind yourself. It's one day you can get through it |
Anonymous
| I focused on the stuff my kids actually like to do like making place cards, decorating a tablecloth and making Chex mix...... I outsource what I can when we have hosted and prep what we can in advance.... The day is about family so I try to focus on the members of my family that are supportive and I care about the most and making their day special.... The rest just turns into noise.... I'm definitely a gracious host and I'm good company but my priority is making sure my kids have a wonderful holiday.... Not if aunt Sue liked my jello |
Anonymous
|
It's such a relief your husband is doing more this year. I think you're feeling weird about not doing as much as you used to for these ungrateful people, but after Thanksgiving is over, and you see it went smoothly, you'll feel much better and resolve to do like this every year!
|
Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you all, I appreciate your perspective and advice. You all make sense. I think I’ll just go along, do what I need to do, skip what I don’t want to do and let someone else worry about ordering pizza or whatever, and focus on doing some fun things with my kids! Thank you. |
Anonymous
| I’m feeling very blah about it and I’m hosting no one (!) but DH and kids. I’m catering it all, minus one minor thing and am still not in to it. So, yes, feeling the same way. I’m working the day before and after for the first time in a couple of years which may be subconsciously influencing me. Not sure. |
Anonymous
| “I’m not taking advice when I’ve done the lion’s share of hosting for a decade. You want it done your way, you host.” Don’t take their crap. |
Anonymous
|
It's okay to drop the rope. And you're finally doing it.
Your plan sounds perfect. |
Anonymous
| It’s a great plan and you’ve planned more than me. I haven’t thought about the meal or gone grocery shopping. I figure there’s always the premade dishes at Costco or some other place if it gets too busy! Relax and enjoy the holidays. It’s all okay. |
Anonymous
|
OP just picking up on your "gathering of 6 with 2 small children" - is your Thanksgiving your family (with kids) and all the guests are adults? This is a hard thing to get excited about IMO. It's a lot of work but at the end of the day kids keep having their own needs and no peers to enjoy it with.
Just venting about some of my own Tgivings! |
Anonymous
|
I am sorry. I can’t imagine cooking so much for one meal when you have two small children. How much food do you even need? I would limit your side dishes to two - some sort of potatoes, some sort of salad or other green item
|
Anonymous
| Kevin's got this!! Good for dropping the rope, OP. |
Anonymous
Kids don’t always need peers, if the adult family members are engaging. Play tea party, Magnatiles, or read books with them when small. Play board games, cards, or do jigsaw puzzles when older. |
Anonymous
|
I mean, it sounds like you don't care because you know that your ILs will just suck the joy out of it. So why bother trying. I think that sounds normal.
How long are they staying? Can you plan something low key special for after they've gone? Not a Thanksgiving repeat, but just a meal your family would enjoy to welcome the holiday season when the party-killers have gone. You don't even have to explain that's what it is (actually, probably better if you don"t...) |
Anonymous
|
I hear you, OP. I am having trouble getting myself in a positive frame of mind. I host and do all the cooking. We are a small group this year, and I am finally giving myself permission to scale back. There won’t be every person’s favorite dessert, there won’t be two different kinds of stuffing, etc. and that’s ok.
I’m going to focus on making sure I have time to actually be thankful this year. Most years I am way to busy to enjoy the holiday at all. May we all have a happy holiday. |