Men, how much attention do you put on a woman's job, house, or car when you date her?
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Anonymous
Still waiting… |
Anonymous
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Never cared about car and not so much about living situation. Though I wouldn't have really wanted to date someone who still lived with parents if they were much older than 25. Job is probably the only thing I really cared about, though work ethic is probably a better way of saying it. So being laid off wouldn't bother me as long as you were actively looking for new jobs or doing things to change the circumstances, then its all good.
That said, it doesn't sound like youre really in a position for a relationship right now. |
Anonymous
| Don’t care about her car or house. She should have a job, doesn’t really matter what. |
Anonymous
| You need to get a job and get back on your feet financially and ideally get a place of your own. An unemployed woman living with her mother is not a hot ticket regardless of how attractive she is. OK, if she’s not she can attract guys but it will be short lived. |
Anonymous
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More American women have dirty car interiors than men
It was like that in hs, it was like that in college, it’s like that in adulthood Euro women keep their cars (if they have them) very clean on the inside. American women do have cleaner rooms/apartments/houses than guys in general but not their cars |
Anonymous
Have to agree. My coworker bought a brand new car a month later it looked like a dump inside. Trash and clothes everywhere in the floor and seats. |
Anonymous
I bet part of it is that the moms do most of the shuttling. Kids make cars messier. |
Anonymous
| As far as food, laundry, house and car goes, she should be able to afford home cooked meals, house cleaners, laundry service and car detailing, doesn't have to cook and clean herself, just being able to manage is good enough. Being kind, fun, educated and employed is more important to have a balanced life. |
Anonymous
| As long as its not unhygienic, its all good. Perfectionism has side effects like stress, tantrums, resentment etc. |
Anonymous
Minimal, and only to the extent it shows some sort of red flag. Clunker not relevant, living with mom not relevant if there is a reasonable explanation, house only relevant if there is something really odd or off-putting about it. Job not relevant with certain exceptions: sex work is a material issue; if there is a major disconnect between your apparent nature and your job (e.g., you're a Ph.D. who is currently working fast food, you're pretty vague about what you do and keep an obviously irregular schedule, etc. etc.) it might raise some concerns. Unemployment not an issue if there is a reasonable explanation like recently being laid off from a long term job. Modest economic circumstances are not a disqualifier for most men, although obviously "you + way more money" is a more attractive package than "you + a lot of debt." |
Anonymous
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I call BS on these responses from men.
No man with a decent life plan is fine being with a woman who is unemployed living at home with a crappy car in 2023. Those things don't just happen in a bubble, but reflect bigger things going on in the OP's life. There are men who are okay with, or may even prefer, lower income women (teachers, etc). But the idea being that they want a motivated, decently educated woman who has demonstrated some level of commitment to something (school, job), so that once kids come along, she'll stay home and shift that ethic to running the house. DH had a college friend who got engaged to someone like OP describes. She had blond hair and fake breasts, a beater car, and lived with her parents without any sort of consistent job. All the men in DH's college circle were talking behind the guy's back wondering what the hell he was doing with such a dumpster fire. And these were guys who at the time (and 20 years later) were very cool with the idea of a sahm. The guys responding on here that not having a job is fine are full of it, and are just used to being the "counterpoint" to dcum women who are very pro-education, pro-career. But I promise you they don't want to date an semi-permanently unemployed, career-less woman living at home with as much baggage as your OP indicates. |
Anonymous
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I think I will be in OP's shoes when I move to DC -
I will drive a junker because I've never owned a car (live in NYC). Always rented. Will probably live with my mother for a bit to save more for a house, also to help her as she is old. I will have 650-700K downpayment for a house. I may be looking for a job in the DC region once I move. Hoping I can transfer instead. My 401K is around 200K right now. |
Anonymous
| No guy wants to sit around all evening while you bag about your dad and call him a deadbeat narcissist. As others said, work on yourself first. Right now you'd be shopping in the broken toy aisle. |
Anonymous
Absolutely nothing. Nice person. Pretty. Smart. And connection. It really isn’t that complicated |
Anonymous
Codependent mother and unable to hold down a job are both correlated with “crazy” |