Does the social needs forum feel like it’s changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This used to be my go to place for advice about my child with SN over the last 4 years. The replies were universally wise and supportive.

The last year or two though I feel the replies have gone way down in quality. They are much less helpful and much more likely to contain snark.

The general rule of this website seems to be that most replies eventually turn on the OP, but I never thought that was the case on the SN forum. Not anymore.

I just wonder if anyone else has noticed the change or if it’s just me?

Yup. People stopped having patience and empathy since COVID. They realized that it's easier if they don't have to have compassion for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff is very good about deleting the comments from the mom/wife who comes here to complain about autism. You just need to flag them.

And you are defensive neuroatypical parent who baits, sock puppets, and devolves threads in order to get 20 pages of insights, resources, and advice on high functioning autism deleted entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only been checking this forum frequently for the past two years or so when my teen really started having issues but overall I’ve found it a great source of support. Maybe I’m comparing it to the FCPS forum, which could be not understanding and so nasty.

+1. It’s a helpful category.

[Anonymous]

I am not a fan when someone comments my post as a troll. It is untrue. Every family has different challenges and difficulties, and I have no time or energy to post a troll post.

[Anonymous]

As a former special education teacher, I do get frustrated by the lack of understanding of SPED laws, eligibility criteria, educational vs. medical identification of disabilities, etc. No, your child is not automatically entitled to an IEP because they have XYZ diagnosis and the school district isn't breaking the law because they won't write one up for you right away. It's the "guns blazing" attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former special education teacher, I do get frustrated by the lack of understanding of SPED laws, eligibility criteria, educational vs. medical identification of disabilities, etc. No, your child is not automatically entitled to an IEP because they have XYZ diagnosis and the school district isn't breaking the law because they won't write one up for you right away. It's the "guns blazing" attitude.

I 100% agree. Discussions around these topics have stood out to me as the most argumentative, largely due to parent's negative reactions to being told that their child may not qualify for an IEP. If a child doesn't seem to meet basic IDEA criteria, it seems more helpful to explain that to the parent than to tell them to get a lawyer and sue the school. Being realistic within our current educational system shouldn't be seen as being critical of parents. The point of this forum is to share experiences, information, and advice. Getting advice you didn't want to hear shouldn't be seen as hostile.

[Anonymous]

I am really grateful for the advice and empathy I have found here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former special education teacher, I do get frustrated by the lack of understanding of SPED laws, eligibility criteria, educational vs. medical identification of disabilities, etc. No, your child is not automatically entitled to an IEP because they have XYZ diagnosis and the school district isn't breaking the law because they won't write one up for you right away. It's the "guns blazing" attitude.

I 100% agree. Discussions around these topics have stood out to me as the most argumentative, largely due to parent's negative reactions to being told that their child may not qualify for an IEP. If a child doesn't seem to meet basic IDEA criteria, it seems more helpful to explain that to the parent than to tell them to get a lawyer and sue the school. Being realistic within our current educational system shouldn't be seen as being critical of parents. The point of this forum is to share experiences, information, and advice. Getting advice you didn't want to hear shouldn't be seen as hostile.

Or schools are doing a pretty as poor job of evaluating and educating f you can’t afford a advocate you’re sol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeff is very good about deleting the comments from the mom/wife who comes here to complain about autism. You just need to flag them.

And you are defensive neuroatypical parent who baits, sock puppets, and devolves threads in order to get 20 pages of insights, resources, and advice on high functioning autism deleted entirely.

Another person here who wishes that poster who keeps getting stuff deleted would stop doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is an immensely helpful resource. I have benefited greatly and I try to share my experiences because I was successful in getting services and a nonmainstream placement. Also one of my kids has intense MH issues and many people struggle with getting services in that area.

What I see is a lot more arguing - things like that MH can be cured with better parenting. For example the current school refusal thread. If only that OP made her house boring her kid would be begging to go to school. Fix your parenting and you will have fixed your problem. This is not to ignore that we need to be on top of our parenting game.

I also see SN parents posting but then Wanting to dig in their heels when all of the advice they received is consistent and contrary with the way they want it to be. That’s easier to tolerate though because we all know how hard the road is and sometimes a temper tantrum is what we need before we can take a deep breath and do what’s needed.

Finally I see SN parents insisting that their experience is the only right one which completely ignored that so many things are governed by state law and vary by school system and even schools within the system. For example those threads that insist a kid must be evaluated within a particular number of days after the request when that’s state law specific so there is not one right answer.

I do hope people keep asking for advice and that people who I know and have been through it keep sharing their wisdom.

I have not had time to weigh on the school refusal thread but as someone who was in her exact same place just recently taking away screens was probably the single most helpful piece of advice on that thread. I don't think it was a knock on her parenting. It was the same advice any therapist would have given her after charging her a $1000 initial eval fee just to get background and $200 an hour for actual advice. You should not reinforce school refusal by making it easy. That is behavioral change 101.

My work is how I imagine that OP's. You don't take time off from it but I had to, every single time, which meant loss money and creating issues at work. When I took away all devices, my child would scream and break things and call me names. It was horrible. I would be crying and throwing up the whole day in private. After some point child would return to school for a period and then it would start all over again for a few days. After a few months of this child started going to school again on a longer-term basis. We didn't just make this strategy up. We paid a small fortune from our savings to the Center for Behaviorial Change and Anxiety that someone else mentioned higher up in that thread for this advice. OP got it for free.

You might think the advice could have been given in a nicer way sure but it's still the right advice.

NP and it’s the right advice for some. I think they main thing most people understand on this forum is that there isn’t one behavior intervention or therapy that will work for everyone. We dealt with school refusal too and got the same advice from one counselor. Take it all away, make home boring. Long story short- it ended in our kid running away and threatening suicide. And not returning to that school again ever. He’s at a completely different school now. It’s a long time since then and things are much better but we are several therapists later, we have tried so many things and medications and life is nowhere near perfect. But we are all stable and I’m so thankful for the kind and nonjudgmental advice I’ve received here.

[Anonymous]

This forum and all of the others on DCUM have gotten much more coarse over the years. It's a shame really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I rarely post here anymore because more because the misinformation and posts that seem "anti" the special needs person. I have been on this board for many many years. The Advice used to center around what was best for the child. Now it seems there is still some of that but more and more there are so many posts that support "parental prerogative" or to do what makes the parent feel good in the moment. There is also a poster who I hope is only one very active person, and they seem to take every opportunity to make disparaging comments about special needs people.

But the main reason I don't post here or read this board at all very much, is because there is almost never discussions about new ideas. It always seems to go back topics that have been asked and answered many times. You could just search for your question and read the archive .

thisssss.
There's a general vibe that seems to sit in a space of like - any kind of special needs child or any child with any remotely undesirable behaviors should understand that they are a huge inconvenience to, and undesirable to, other children and families and it's the OP's job to remove them and 'correct' the heck out of them until they become 'digestible'. I have one SN kid and one none and short of a kid biting or being aggressive or repeatedly mean, I always teach both my kids to try to see the person's pov and if their behavior is non optimum, what might be going on, maybe give a second chance. even if a kid is aggressive i assume that the parents or the school or the camp are dealing, unless it really obviously is not.

[Anonymous]

I have been disappointed that there seems to be an influx of educational professionals (teachers, admin) who actually do not know special education law or common diagnoses. They give incorrect information to parents and discourage parents from getting help from school. It’s really quite shocking to me.

I don’t remember the SN Board having so many negative people actively steering parents in unhelpful directions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former special education teacher, I do get frustrated by the lack of understanding of SPED laws, eligibility criteria, educational vs. medical identification of disabilities, etc. No, your child is not automatically entitled to an IEP because they have XYZ diagnosis and the school district isn't breaking the law because they won't write one up for you right away. It's the "guns blazing" attitude.

As a lawyer I get frustrated by SPED teachers telling me what my legal rights are (incorrectly).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeff is very good about deleting the comments from the mom/wife who comes here to complain about autism. You just need to flag them.

And you are defensive neuroatypical parent who baits, sock puppets, and devolves threads in order to get 20 pages of insights, resources, and advice on high functioning autism deleted entirely.

Another person here who wishes that poster who keeps getting stuff deleted would stop doing that.

I only flag the autism mom/wife whose sole purpose is to complain about autism and tell us all how horrible autistic people are