I don’t want to be my sister’s plastic surgery care taker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do either of you have spouses and kids? If she has kids and no spouse, she will need help. But if you also have kids you'd be leaving to help her, ehhh, that's a lot to ask.

As an aside, $12k is VERY cheap for that work. Are you not in a metropolitan area?

It sounds like this is a surgery in Mexico, DR, or Colombia, because no way she could get all that in the US for 12k!

Surgery is in Houston TX. I visited her at the same time she had a consultation scheduled. I have a vacation home in New Orleans and will be staying in NOLA for the holidays which is when her surgery is schedule for (Nov). It’s a 5 hour ride from NO to Houston and she wants me to stay at her apartment. I don’t want to do any of this.

[Anonymous]

Implants or TT, not at same time. Good doctors won’t do this. The anesthesia is too long, which increases risks. Plus the recovery more difficult with multiple areas of the body.

[Anonymous]

There are nurses that can be hired for post surgical care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got plastic surgery done in Colombia and hired 24hr nurses for 2 weeks. Your sister can do the same thing. What an outrageous request. I just did lipo and the recovery was rough (results incredible!!!!) there’s no way I would burden a sibling with this. You will literally have to help her get out of bed to go pee. No way!

I'm curious what clinic you went to in Colombia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you unable to do it or is it just that you disapprove of the surgery?

Maybe the increased self-confidence will help her land a partner and they can be the one to take care of her after the next surgery.

Wait... wha??

She's not going to have increased self confidence until way AFTER the surgery, she's going to need someone to take care of her immediately street the surgery.

How exactly do you see the scenario you mentioned working out?

[Anonymous]

Just tell her no and let her be mad. No way would I do this.

[Anonymous]

No way. She can hire help.

[Anonymous]

Open your mouth and say no. This is not hard.

[Anonymous]

You are not your sister's keeper but you seem to play this role when it's convenient to you.

[Anonymous]

No is a complete sentence. You don’t have to give her a bunch of reasons. Just say no I will not. Tell her you were sorry she felt pressured into doing this but that you are not going to do some thing that is such a time commitment that you did not agree to, and furthermore you do not want to support her in getting surgery with these pushy people who seem shady.

[Anonymous]

Damn. I felt guilty asking a friend to drive me and pick me up from a colonoscopy. Can’t imagine demanding someone do all this for me for unnecessary surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you unable to do it or is it just that you disapprove of the surgery?

Maybe the increased self-confidence will help her land a partner and they can be the one to take care of her after the next surgery.

I don’t disapprove of the surgery but I don’t like how aggressive they were in getting a down payment not giving her time to process what needs to be done. I also don’t have 6 weeks of my life to at minimum: sponge bath her, give meds to, clean her surgical drains and bandages, wrap in compression garments, meal prep, care for her cat that gets medications, clean her apartment etc. I told her we should consider a post surgery at home nurse and house keeper but she didn’t look into that.

She’s not incapacitated at that time, even based on your complaint. She can’t lift anything. She’s on light duties and should be able to care for her drains and dressings, barring complications that would need medical intervention anyway.

You’re irritated by how aggressive the practice was, but you say you don’t disapprove of the surgery. Even if they weren’t aggressive, she will need help afterwards. So which is it?

[Anonymous]

What's the real problem, OP? She's getting an elective procedure and you're not? Seems like there's something else going on with you and it's not caretaking.

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask her to take out a life insurance policy and name you as beneficiary before surgery.
In case everyone is right and there are too many risks with two major surgeries.

(Joke but not really).

On the one hand she is an adult and can make decisions stupid as they are.
But she cannot force you to be caregiver post op. She can hire a nurse for that.

On the other hand, could you live with yourself if you did not do the max you could to dissuade her from this particular surgery.

Personally I would call the office and ask them to remove your name from the caregiver slot and let sister know you did that because you don’t think it is safe.

If she doesn’t have caregiver, I would imagine they couldn’t do surgery.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why people are acting like you owe her the caretaking - you do not. Its a huge ask. Whether or not you need to take care of her has nothing to do with whether you approve of the surgery or selected surgeon. My sister fully supports my getting the required procedures for my chronic condition, but even for that she has no duty to come take care of me during it. I'd never ask that of her either unless I literally had no alternative and even then its for a required health treatment, not an elective procedure.

Put in writing exactly what you're will to offer (if anything) and make clear thats it. You can express worry about the selected surgeon once, but beyond that fully back away from the situation. The more involved you are in the overall situation, the harder it is to fully back out.