Is anyone giving in to ED because of anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you really need to back down. Your senior should be making the decisions at this point, subject to your budget.
Seriously, go smoke a joint or something.

Do you scold people like this in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you really need to get a grip. It’s not your life.

Sure it is. It's her savings that she could be using on her life. Parents should absolutely be a part of financial considerations and hopefully offering insights and wisdom on other college considerations.

Go to bed. You sound like a cranky biddy or a teen who needs to get up early for school.

Also to be a family consideration in all of this - what are the chances the kid is going on to grad school and who is paying for that? We chose in-state and banked the difference so now are paying for grad school. FWIW Harvard Law is now $113,500 a year so over $350K in after tax money by the time some parents reading this will be facing law school costs.

OP, I understand your position. DS applied SCEA Princeton (deferred and waitlisted) and three publics. We toured the three for aerospace engineering. Chose UVA. Did not get in anywhere Ivy by EA or RD - nor did his friends. Full pay. No financial aid except the $5700 federal loan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It is the first choice or we wouldn’t be doing it! 😂

But it’s not soooo competitive that DC might not get in RD. DC probably would with high gpa and sat scores at 75th percent. I thought there would be a good chance of some merit. But I’m not sure and I don’t know if I can take waiting until spring.

If DC did RD would probably get in and probably get some merit based on all comparisons. This is an SLAC. But who knows anymore? I hate the idea of leaving money on the table because it’s so freaking expensive, but I literally obsess over the cost vs. admission rate. We can afford full pay but we don’t feel good about it.

DYK how you sound to the people who cannot afford full pay? Maybe Jeff should add a "First World Problems" section.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It is the first choice or we wouldn’t be doing it! 😂

But it’s not soooo competitive that DC might not get in RD. DC probably would with high gpa and sat scores at 75th percent. I thought there would be a good chance of some merit. But I’m not sure and I don’t know if I can take waiting until spring.

If DC did RD would probably get in and probably get some merit based on all comparisons. This is an SLAC. But who knows anymore? I hate the idea of leaving money on the table because it’s so freaking expensive, but I literally obsess over the cost vs. admission rate. We can afford full pay but we don’t feel good about it.

DYK how you sound to the people who cannot afford full pay? Maybe Jeff should add a "First World Problems" section.

Get over it. If you don't like the thread, go back to your preschool chats.

FWIW OP I think you were brave to post these concerns given how many unhinged harridans lurk on this forum (see above).

I think the ED is designed to take pressure off the kid though, so maybe start looking at it through that lens?
Our kid is in 11th and won't be applying to any SLACs or ED anywhere because we're in state for CA and hope that they get into one of the better UC colleges. That's our full scope and we'll have to wait til late Spring for a result.

[Anonymous]

If you have a lot of anxiety, I wonder if you could consider therapy for yourself.

My youngest is soon applying to college, and I have been through the process twice. I never experienced that level of anxiety, even though it was a stressful process.

I once read some advice that I thought was really good -- one of the best things that you can do for your kids is to be a non-anxious presence in their lives. Maybe you're hiding it from your DC, but if they can sense this from you, it does not seem ideal for your DC.

[Anonymous]

I think there is medical research that shows anxiety to be the cause of ED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you really need to get a grip. It’s not your life.

It’s my money! This is such a weird response. I’m not talking about choosing a school for my kid. I’m talking about the financial risk of ED vs. waiting it and seeing what happens.

100%! If college cost 30k a year I'd be a lot more sympathetic to the "it's not your life" charge. Full pay x two kids will impact MY life a lot. Only the very very rich don't have to think about how this impacts how they live in their 60s and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It is the first choice or we wouldn’t be doing it! 😂

But it’s not soooo competitive that DC might not get in RD. DC probably would with high gpa and sat scores at 75th percent. I thought there would be a good chance of some merit. But I’m not sure and I don’t know if I can take waiting until spring.

If DC did RD would probably get in and probably get some merit based on all comparisons. This is an SLAC. But who knows anymore? I hate the idea of leaving money on the table because it’s so freaking expensive, but I literally obsess over the cost vs. admission rate. We can afford full pay but we don’t feel good about it.

DYK how you sound to the people who cannot afford full pay? Maybe Jeff should add a "First World Problems" section.

We started saving the year our kids were born, better to save ahead of time and have the money grow rather than borrow money and pay interest. If we didn't have the cash we'd do two years at Nova and two at Mason while living at home, a friend's kid is doing that and she is going to get a better return on investment than 99% of the other kids coming out of our high school.

[Anonymous]

if it makes you feel better, we were told ED helps with merit -- "the pot is full, it's a lot emptier for RD". We don't want dc to ED bcs DC has no clear first choice and I want to know what the hell this will cost me. But maybe we're missing out on merit?

[Anonymous]

Some NPCs factor their merit $ for high GPAs/SAT scores and at the very least will provide your expected contribution. Once you run that NPC, that's close to your final cost. If you can live with that number and ED is your best hand, then play that card. If your DC gets in and you can't afford it, than you can still opt to decline the offer. Pretty simple outcome that lets you be in the driver's seat. If you can't afford it, and know this after running the NPC, then it's a poor decision on your end to engage in the 1st place.

Last but not least, instead of chasing a merit $ that can never be counted on, have your DC:
+ apply for outside scholarships
+ get a summer job before school (usually can earn $2500-$3500)
+ get a job on campus
+ apply for addtl department scholarships that may be available for returning students
+ get an RA job

...and on and on. Take back the control and that should help with some of your anxiety.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m aware we are fortunate although we have one child intentionally and have been saving since they were very little. I’m driving a 2011 car.

There’s not much point in talking about the specifics of the school because it all comes down to how much risk we’re willing to take. Fundamentally, I hate ED and the whole college game, and if I had another kid, I would do it differently. This school happened to match what DC was looking for. With older eyes, do I think DC could be happy other days places. Yes. But isn’t this what we were saving for all those years? It’s just SO MUCH when it’s right in front of me. It makes me kind of sick.

I just wanted to commiserate with other parents who were really stressed out about this process. I’m well aware that it isn’t healthy, and if I could let it go I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m aware we are fortunate although we have one child intentionally and have been saving since they were very little. I’m driving a 2011 car.

There’s not much point in talking about the specifics of the school because it all comes down to how much risk we’re willing to take. Fundamentally, I hate ED and the whole college game, and if I had another kid, I would do it differently. This school happened to match what DC was looking for. With older eyes, do I think DC could be happy other days places. Yes. But isn’t this what we were saving for all those years? It’s just SO MUCH when it’s right in front of me. It makes me kind of sick.

I just wanted to commiserate with other parents who were really stressed out about this process. I’m well aware that it isn’t healthy, and if I could let it go I would.

One way to let it go is to actively reduce your budget to in-state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m aware we are fortunate although we have one child intentionally and have been saving since they were very little. I’m driving a 2011 car.

There’s not much point in talking about the specifics of the school because it all comes down to how much risk we’re willing to take. Fundamentally, I hate ED and the whole college game, and if I had another kid, I would do it differently. This school happened to match what DC was looking for. With older eyes, do I think DC could be happy other days places. Yes. But isn’t this what we were saving for all those years? It’s just SO MUCH when it’s right in front of me. It makes me kind of sick.

I just wanted to commiserate with other parents who were really stressed out about this process. I’m well aware that it isn’t healthy, and if I could let it go I would.

One way to let it go is to actively reduce your budget to in-state.

There are personal reasons we aren’t really looking at in state, but trust me that I think about it constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a lot of anxiety, I wonder if you could consider therapy for yourself.

My youngest is soon applying to college, and I have been through the process twice. I never experienced that level of anxiety, even though it was a stressful process.

I once read some advice that I thought was really good -- one of the best things that you can do for your kids is to be a non-anxious presence in their lives. Maybe you're hiding it from your DC, but if they can sense this from you, it does not seem ideal for your DC.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is medical research that shows anxiety to be the cause of ED.

Slam it in a door.