How do you handle paying in large family situations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

If you have that kind of money, why this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

If you have that kind of money, why this thread?

How else could OP brag about it then?

[Anonymous]

You spend over $750,000 a year. I can’t help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I will likely just pay for everything once they get here. I can’t think of a way to ask the two richer aunts to help pay. This is my side of the family so I don’t think Dh will necessarily like for me shell out tens of thousands treating my extended family for everything.

You know that even if y'all are used to spending 10-20k a week (lol), you don't HAVE to...right? We're pretty well off ourselves and manage to avoid burning money at least a few times a month

If you want to take the fam to NYC, by all means do so...and pay, given that is something you've planned for them. But you can also stick to around here and make contributing a little easier for the "richer" aunts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I earn the most in both sides of our families. I have relatives visiting from overseas. This will be a large group (10-15 people). There are 2 families who are UMC/UC and 2 families who struggle.

How do you handle planning and paying in large family groups?

I will likely just pay for everything once they get here. I can’t think of a way to ask the two richer aunts to help pay. This is my side of the family so I don’t think Dh will necessarily like for me shell out tens of thousands treating my extended family for everything.

We split it and all pay for ourselves. There are too many kids, single adult siblings, etc. to pay for everyone ourselves or allow someone else to pay for us four.

It’s just silly.

And eating out post Covid is EXPENSIVE. Prices for drinks and entrees are way up, there are extra charges, the restaurant taxes, and the 18%+ tips.

We no longer go to several places that ramped up their prices exorbitantly.

No thanks.

Mother’s Day brunches that used to be reasonable are now $500+ for a couple small families and art of grandparents. That’s stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that they are spending thousands of dollars to travel to see you.

What is that supposed to mean?

You owe them food and outings commensurate with all of their flight costs? That’s ridiculous.

Old retired people with decent savings who worked hard, should be joyfully using their money to make themselves and others happy. Not concocting ways to make their adult kids’ families sponsor their vacations or houseguesting demands.

[Anonymous]

The best we tended family trips are where everyone flies to a fun place, pays their own lodging, and the get together most days and do fun things and meals. And no one is working or doing homework; everyone has time to talk, have fun, relax, do solo days and group days.

Second best is the working family visits the retired family. The latter has time to prep meals, the house, plan outings, etc as they are no longer working fulltime or raising children.

The worst is when people descend in a family with kids (ie school, sports, EC, homework, friend time), and expect to be hosted or do their own thing IN the families house and eat everything they see - why ether they cook it or not, and never treat the host family to a nice meal out (needs to be once per 5 days of visit IMO). Oh and they don’t tell the host when they broke something or used up some food or ingredient. Or the whole pantry.

And please, go rent a car and do some day trips yourself. Give the families some breathing and recouping room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I earn the most in both sides of our families. I have relatives visiting from overseas. This will be a large group (10-15 people). There are 2 families who are UMC/UC and 2 families who struggle.

How do you handle planning and paying in large family groups?

I will likely just pay for everything once they get here. I can’t think of a way to ask the two richer aunts to help pay. This is my side of the family so I don’t think Dh will necessarily like for me shell out tens of thousands treating my extended family for everything.

That’s ridiculous paying for four families’ trip in america and everything they do and eat.

Do you make over $3 million HHI a year and have no expenses or savings goals?

Do they think all Americans are loaded beyond their wildest dreams, the streets are paved with gold, and you guys are multi millionaires?

What a racket.

[Anonymous]

You tell everyone to contribute or stay home and rotate who shops, meal preps and cooks.

Or are you running an all inclusive resort at your house for your extended family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that they are spending thousands of dollars to travel to see you.

Exactly. We live in Africa and have family/friends in North America, South America, Europe, and Asia. We cover lots of expenses when people visit is because we know they are spending a lot to come.

Here’s the real question: do they ever travel or take vacation? Or do they use one of their vacations every so often to come to your city?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I earn the most in both sides of our families. I have relatives visiting from overseas. This will be a large group (10-15 people). There are 2 families who are UMC/UC and 2 families who struggle.

How do you handle planning and paying in large family groups?

I will likely just pay for everything once they get here. I can’t think of a way to ask the two richer aunts to help pay. This is my side of the family so I don’t think Dh will necessarily like for me shell out tens of thousands treating my extended family for everything.

What are you doing that will cost tens of thousands?

Agree.
Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

True staying at Beaches or a Disney cruise may run up to those prices but that’s a special treat. No one but billionaires are flying in friends and buying up the resort for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

Do you even work full time zip or what is the source of your household income and wealth?

Maybe start there before you go diverting your after tax income to show your extending family from overseas all around the east coast.

You will be setting quite the precedent and expectations for down the road if this is your first such extravaganza. And many foreigners- our emerging market relatives especially - make a lot of incorrect assumptions about American families income AND expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

Oh- wow. This is unusual situation (and sounds like there may be some cultural expectations that are not typical for most of us). I might discuss expectations and plans ahead of time with your parents and any other relatives who are “in charge” (there always seems to be a leader or two). Try to figure out what exactly you are dealing with, on the front-end before they arrive.

First discuss it with your spouse.

Especially if they work or work a lot.

Especially if their side of the family is not treated the same or if they treat you all instead. Then they are effectively subsidizing your extended faintly visitors.

In our family, if it’s us and my out of state parents out, we all fight to pay the bill for the other side.

In my spouses family, the bill comes and that set of grandparents actively ignores it. And they have 5m Euros in the bank, plus a substantial stock portfolio and resi real estate portfolio that’s appreciated like crazy or has significant rental income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say they all go to a museum that costs money to get into, for example. Like Spy Museum. They roll up in a big group. Does OP pay?

Yuck

I’d feel so taken advantage of.
We have a family of relations who like to play the game “Let’s take turns.” On their turn they order soup; on our turn they order an app, a wine, a high priced entree and a dessert.
Over and over. And yes, they have good money. But it’s like a sport to them to see how much they can get other people to pay for their things.