How do you handle paying in large family situations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

Oh- wow. This is unusual situation (and sounds like there may be some cultural expectations that are not typical for most of us). I might discuss expectations and plans ahead of time with your parents and any other relatives who are “in charge” (there always seems to be a leader or two). Try to figure out what exactly you are dealing with, on the front-end before they arrive.

[Anonymous]

While I would hope that other richer relatives would offer to chip in, I would be prepared to pay. My husband would roll his eyes if they didn’t offer but he would leave it up to me.

[Anonymous]

If you're hosting them, it's on you to pay for everything. As good guests, they should pay for all outside entertainment for themselves (tickets to anything they attend, admission fees, etc.) and should cover dinner for everyone at least once.

That's how it goes in my family. People argue over who "gets to" pay.

[Anonymous]

When the relatives are staying at your parents' house and your house, the main expenses are local sightseeing and meals, right? That would not run up to 10k a week.

When they're staying with you, absolutely pay for everything. But when they're staying with your parents, I think I'd take the lead from the parents. That's also where it would be appropriate for the rich aunts to chip in.

[Anonymous]

A possible solution could be paying for all but choosing more middle of the road dining options with a couple of nice dinners here and there. Then you can stay within the budget your family is accustomed to and also be generous in taking care of your extended family.

[Anonymous]

We have this situation and have figured out a decent solution. It definitely takes advance planning and a group that is happy to cooperate.

We basically assign dinners - and they can be in or out. So for 2 dinners out, two cousins, brother and I will “host,” as we can most easily afford it. My other brother and SIL will “host” a dinner in with a lot less expense.

I usually take the lead and certainly don’t reference money. I’ll ping my cousins and brother and say, ‘it would be great if we could have two nice nights out. How about the brother and split the bill on Thursday night ams cousins, you do Sunday night?” And ‘Little Brother - I’m working on meal planning for the family gathering. Would you and Larla be up for being in charge of dinner at our house on Friday night? We can get XX to help, too. I’m happy to get wine for the night if you tell me what kind.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

Where are they going on this 3 week trip to the USA? NYC? Treating all of them to a 3 night nice hotel stay plus outings plus food could exceed 20k. How wiill you get this huge group to whatever multiple destinations in the USA? Touring DC? Renting a small bus and driver?

The scope of their visit/vacation in the USA is is bigger than picking up 6 hotel bills for relatives at a 2-3 night destination wedding.
I assume you live locally as do your parents.

[Anonymous]

Different people “host” on different nights. You can make it clear in an email that you’d love to have people over for dinner on x night, and show them your favorite restaurant on y night and let others chime in.

[Anonymous]

Say they all go to a museum that costs money to get into, for example. Like Spy Museum. They roll up in a big group. Does OP pay?

[Anonymous]

If you're going on vacation together go to an all inclusive resort that is mid range. Everyone pays their own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that they are spending thousands of dollars to travel to see you.

Presumably that is their choice, though.

I'd be happy housing some of them and hosting some meals. But, no, I'm not paying "10's of thousands of dollars" for visiting relatives.

[Anonymous]

The type of situation dictates what you do as there is no easy solution. If it involves people we love who don’t have the resources we have we say we are hosting and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

I paid all the costs for my brother, SIL and their two kids when they visited us. We went to Disney, all the DC and NYC touristy stuff, Niagara Falls, San Francisco and the surrounding area and Seattle. We stayed with family in some of these places and in normal accommodations in the rest, nothing fancy. It was a substantial amount of money but it was also a once in a lifetime trip for them, so I didn’t mind. I wouldn’t pay for aunts and cousins though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I paid all the costs for my brother, SIL and their two kids when they visited us. We went to Disney, all the DC and NYC touristy stuff, Niagara Falls, San Francisco and the surrounding area and Seattle. We stayed with family in some of these places and in normal accommodations in the rest, nothing fancy. It was a substantial amount of money but it was also a once in a lifetime trip for them, so I didn’t mind. I wouldn’t pay for aunts and cousins though.

OP here. I always pay for my mom, dad and brother. This is a once in a lifetime trip for my aunts and uncles. One cousin will be joining them. My parents would want to treat but so not have the means so it falls on me. We can afford to do it. I will just plan to pay for everything once they get here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TENS of thousands??

Yes- explain OP. I could easily see hosting costing thousands…but tens of thousands?

I think I am just used to high standards of travel. Our family of five usually spends 10-20k per week. Since there will be 15-20 of us moving together, I just assumed it would be tens of thousands for three weeks.

Relatives will be staying at my parents’ house, my house and also hotels that I will likely be booking.

Where are they going on this 3 week trip to the USA? NYC? Treating all of them to a 3 night nice hotel stay plus outings plus food could exceed 20k. How wiill you get this huge group to whatever multiple destinations in the USA? Touring DC? Renting a small bus and driver?

The scope of their visit/vacation in the USA is is bigger than picking up 6 hotel bills for relatives at a 2-3 night destination wedding.
I assume you live locally as do your parents.

OP here. NYC was one of the places we will be going. We easily spend 5k+ for just our family for a weekend. A not nice hotel will cost 6-800 per night.