My spouse is addicted to Drama

[Anonymous]

Sounds exactly like my husband. Untreated anxiety or adhd. Very stressful and difficult to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything is an issue.

Dog chips a nail running around the yard and has a little blood when it comes in. OMG it could bleed to death, 3 hours of drama, googling. Spoiler alert, dog is fine.

Kids sports team looks to improve the team, OMG, what is going on, X won't be able to play college sport now. Hours upon hours upon hours of calls and texts freaking out, googling kids, team rosters and such.

Kids driving teacher gave feedback that kid is not very comfortable driving. My response, ok we will spend additional time with them behind the wheel to get them comfortable. Wifes response is OMG, she can't ever drive, She needs to be medicated to make her calm, what will we do, this is serious............

Neighbor cutting grass, can you believe it, they are cutting grass again(duh they do it every Saturday), so rude, so inconsiderate, I am going over to say something to them. No, they own the property and are just cutting the grass.

We are hosting thanksgiving this year. Our house is so small, we need to move all the furniture out of formal living room, rent a table and use the formal living room as a dining room because dining room is so small. House is 7300 sf, dining room is 12 x 16 with a table that seats ten.

All of this since Saturday. Including about 10 other things that are so ridiculous I won't even type them.

I just don't want it any more.


It's just non stop. I can't stand her any more. Her mother makes her husband miserable(he pretends he is hard of hearing when she is around), her sister drove her husband out of the house, I am just sick of the drama with everything. And my wife used to always say things to her mom and sister about how nasty they were/are to their husbands, now she is running point on it.

Just venting.

You consider a 7300sf house small? Really?

[Anonymous]

no. my wifes words. I would love to downsize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything is an issue.

Dog chips a nail running around the yard and has a little blood when it comes in. OMG it could bleed to death, 3 hours of drama, googling. Spoiler alert, dog is fine.

Kids sports team looks to improve the team, OMG, what is going on, X won't be able to play college sport now. Hours upon hours upon hours of calls and texts freaking out, googling kids, team rosters and such.

Kids driving teacher gave feedback that kid is not very comfortable driving. My response, ok we will spend additional time with them behind the wheel to get them comfortable. Wifes response is OMG, she can't ever drive, She needs to be medicated to make her calm, what will we do, this is serious............

Neighbor cutting grass, can you believe it, they are cutting grass again(duh they do it every Saturday), so rude, so inconsiderate, I am going over to say something to them. No, they own the property and are just cutting the grass.

We are hosting thanksgiving this year. Our house is so small, we need to move all the furniture out of formal living room, rent a table and use the formal living room as a dining room because dining room is so small. House is 7300 sf, dining room is 12 x 16 with a table that seats ten.

All of this since Saturday. Including about 10 other things that are so ridiculous I won't even type them.

I just don't want it any more.


It's just non stop. I can't stand her any more. Her mother makes her husband miserable(he pretends he is hard of hearing when she is around), her sister drove her husband out of the house, I am just sick of the drama with everything. And my wife used to always say things to her mom and sister about how nasty they were/are to their husbands, now she is running point on it.

Just venting.

You consider a 7300sf house small? Really?

Obviously he's using that as an example of how irrational she's being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anxiety is an illness. You should be more sympathetic that your spouse is sick, but your spouse must also seek treatment. This is no way for either of you to live.

This is the right answer.

She's clearly very anxious. It manifests as all of these annoying behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Does she work outside the home, OP? Because it sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands and doesn’t have an outlet or platform where she can be part of anything. So she fabricates drama in every interaction she has.

My SIL is like this. Incredibly anxious, super high maintenance and just exhausting to be around. We’ve found that when she’s working and has an outlet she’s easier to tolerate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she work outside the home, OP? Because it sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands and doesn’t have an outlet or platform where she can be part of anything. So she fabricates drama in every interaction she has.

My SIL is like this. Incredibly anxious, super high maintenance and just exhausting to be around. We’ve found that when she’s working and has an outlet she’s easier to tolerate.

THis. Your wife needs a job. Not a 7300 sf house to make up drama about. Sounds like you've given her too much leeway.

[Anonymous]

Anxiety, untreated and uncontrolled.
My 7 year old is like this and we are working on tools to refocus and step away from feeling lost when things happen and how to calm down and get out of the spiral. We will look into medication if it gets worse as she ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything is an issue.

Dog chips a nail running around the yard and has a little blood when it comes in. OMG it could bleed to death, 3 hours of drama, googling. Spoiler alert, dog is fine.

Kids sports team looks to improve the team, OMG, what is going on, X won't be able to play college sport now. Hours upon hours upon hours of calls and texts freaking out, googling kids, team rosters and such.

Kids driving teacher gave feedback that kid is not very comfortable driving. My response, ok we will spend additional time with them behind the wheel to get them comfortable. Wifes response is OMG, she can't ever drive, She needs to be medicated to make her calm, what will we do, this is serious............

Neighbor cutting grass, can you believe it, they are cutting grass again(duh they do it every Saturday), so rude, so inconsiderate, I am going over to say something to them. No, they own the property and are just cutting the grass.

We are hosting thanksgiving this year. Our house is so small, we need to move all the furniture out of formal living room, rent a table and use the formal living room as a dining room because dining room is so small. House is 7300 sf, dining room is 12 x 16 with a table that seats ten.

All of this since Saturday. Including about 10 other things that are so ridiculous I won't even type them.

I just don't want it any more.


It's just non stop. I can't stand her any more. Her mother makes her husband miserable(he pretends he is hard of hearing when she is around), her sister drove her husband out of the house, I am just sick of the drama with everything. And my wife used to always say things to her mom and sister about how nasty they were/are to their husbands, now she is running point on it.

Just venting.

Your house is 7300 sq ft???
How ever do you find room to walk around, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything is an issue.

Dog chips a nail running around the yard and has a little blood when it comes in. OMG it could bleed to death, 3 hours of drama, googling. Spoiler alert, dog is fine.

Kids sports team looks to improve the team, OMG, what is going on, X won't be able to play college sport now. Hours upon hours upon hours of calls and texts freaking out, googling kids, team rosters and such.

Kids driving teacher gave feedback that kid is not very comfortable driving. My response, ok we will spend additional time with them behind the wheel to get them comfortable. Wifes response is OMG, she can't ever drive, She needs to be medicated to make her calm, what will we do, this is serious............

Neighbor cutting grass, can you believe it, they are cutting grass again(duh they do it every Saturday), so rude, so inconsiderate, I am going over to say something to them. No, they own the property and are just cutting the grass.

We are hosting thanksgiving this year. Our house is so small, we need to move all the furniture out of formal living room, rent a table and use the formal living room as a dining room because dining room is so small. House is 7300 sf, dining room is 12 x 16 with a table that seats ten.

All of this since Saturday. Including about 10 other things that are so ridiculous I won't even type them.

I just don't want it any more.


It's just non stop. I can't stand her any more. Her mother makes her husband miserable(he pretends he is hard of hearing when she is around), her sister drove her husband out of the house, I am just sick of the drama with everything. And my wife used to always say things to her mom and sister about how nasty they were/are to their husbands, now she is running point on it.

Just venting.

She's not addicted to drama... she's got an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and she's clearly never been taught how to regulate it nor regulate her overwhelming thoughts.

Didn't you know this about her when you were dating?

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a parent like this and it was misery. My dad left (and more or less left us): I was parentified at a young age and developed my own anxiety coping mechanisms (anorexia perfectionism anxiety attacks). I fortunately was able to overcome much of this (there are still scars) but I think it broke my sibling, who is in their mid 50s and unable to connect with anyone because he freaks out around any show of emotion at all and shuts down.

Op you have to get spouse to deal with this but also get your kids therapy now. Living with this corrodes your confidence and years later even as a functional adult I still can’t trust my judgment at times because I don’t want to catastrophize but also don’t want to ignore (usually with health related things which was a huge source of my moms anxiety).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she work outside the home, OP? Because it sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands and doesn’t have an outlet or platform where she can be part of anything. So she fabricates drama in every interaction she has.

My SIL is like this. Incredibly anxious, super high maintenance and just exhausting to be around. We’ve found that when she’s working and has an outlet she’s easier to tolerate.

THis. Your wife needs a job. Not a 7300 sf house to make up drama about. Sounds like you've given her too much leeway.

DP. Those of you thinking jobs are magical cures, or at least outlets, for people with serious anxiety do not know what you're talking about. Yes, a job can help SOME people have less mental space for fixating on other things. But for some people, a job -- and especially pressure from a spouse to find a job -- will ratchet up the anxiety far, far more and things at home will get much worse, not better. Stop blithely and ignorantly insisting a job is a fix for mental illness.

The OP's DW needs professional help before any job-hunting, FFS. She's sick and it sounds like OP assumes she is merely "dramatic." OP, are you going to start viewing these issues as anxiety talking, and anxiety taking over the person you love and want to help? Or are you just going to shrug and say you hate her (when what you really hate is the anxiety) and leave her?

And for PP above: OP has "given her too much leeway"? He's not her keeper who has her on a leash and who can choose to give her leeway or not. He's supposed to be her spouse who should be communicating with her when her behaviors are problematic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she work outside the home, OP? Because it sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands and doesn’t have an outlet or platform where she can be part of anything. So she fabricates drama in every interaction she has.

My SIL is like this. Incredibly anxious, super high maintenance and just exhausting to be around. We’ve found that when she’s working and has an outlet she’s easier to tolerate.

THis. Your wife needs a job. Not a 7300 sf house to make up drama about. Sounds like you've given her too much leeway.

+1

Your wife is spoiled, OP. She needs perspective.

[Anonymous]

We did therapy for a short period and her takeaway was very narcissistic, which runs in her family. I remember when I once we were seriously dating, the MIL of my future SIL, pulled me aside and told me I was very lucky, “I got the normal one.” This started to really make sense about ten years ago.

She has been diagnosed with adhd and won’t take meds.

It gets worse as we get older.

She her sister and mother all create drama with everything. When we do a group dinner I always go to the bathroom as we are being seated because I know any table they are offered will be a rude shun and then back to the front, point at 5 tables, bicker, then sit. Just one example. It’s a full process every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she work outside the home, OP? Because it sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands and doesn’t have an outlet or platform where she can be part of anything. So she fabricates drama in every interaction she has.

My SIL is like this. Incredibly anxious, super high maintenance and just exhausting to be around. We’ve found that when she’s working and has an outlet she’s easier to tolerate.

If she has untreated add, and anxiety, she needs to be shocked into treatment.