My spouse is addicted to Drama

[Anonymous]

"Many women do this to get attention" WTF! My mom, with untreated anxiety and depression, was exactly like this. If a woman is coughing her lungs out with Covid, is she "just trying to get attention?"

OP, I don't blame you a bit for not being able to take it anymore. But maybe have a think, and a talk with her about what she might be willing to do as far as treatment goes.

My mom refused treatment because she thought it would destroy her personality. I saw this as another symptom, but I don't even play a doctor on TV.

[Anonymous]

Mental illness, OP. What you are describing is textbook anxiety. She needs therapy and possibly meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like untreated anxiety. I am not a doctor. But a person who has recently started addressing my anxiety. I know it’s a pain to live with but this isn’t any fun for her either.

That said, it does not sound like you love or even like her anymore, so maybe that is the bigger issue here. What you describe doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary, if annoying.

I actually think it sounds way out of the ordinary, are you kidding? Hours of wasted energy? Confronting neighbors? She is not well.

I think OP is worn down because this is so much to deal with and his wife is so not well she’s lost perspective. If you can’t address this with her 1-1, maybe consider if marriage counseling might be a setting where she’d be more open to acknowledging the issue.

Also, anxiety has a strong genetic component so the whole family may have it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. This sounds a lot to me like a woman with teen kids who doesn’t work who is manufacturing drama to create purpose in her life.

“What would everyone do if I wasn’t fixing the dog/addressing kids anxiety/hosting for 50???!!!”

[Anonymous]

Sorry. I could not live with that. Bad environment for the kids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. This sounds a lot to me like a woman with teen kids who doesn’t work who is manufacturing drama to create purpose in her life.

“What would everyone do if I wasn’t fixing the dog/addressing kids anxiety/hosting for 50???!!!”

And that's a very possible indicator of anxiety, which is something to be discussed with and diagnosed by an actual doctor. Not us strangers here online. And it should be treated with some compassion by her husband, who like you sees "drama" when beneath that drama may be a person who's dealing with pain and self-doubts. If he loves the person he married, he should try to grow more concern and compassion for that person, not just sneer and toss up his hands and give up on marriage without making any effort at seeing her problems might be illness and not mere drama.

[Anonymous]

The real problem is you are up against what is probably a heritable condition compounded by witnessing her mother respond to life events in the same way. Meds will help, but there is no quick, easy fix. Was she very maternal and responsive to all of your needs while dating? Did your own mother have smothering tendencies? I think the most concerning is the combativeness with neighbor over something so mundane. I suspect there is more than anxiety at work here.

[Anonymous]

This sounds exactly like a close work friend. Everything was a crisis. We’re in a group chat, and this the emoji I use for her: 😩.

I finally told her that I was worried about her stress level. Everything can’t be a crisis. She was starting to “need” to drink wine every evening. She ended going for a check up and got a prescription to help with anxiety. It’s been a game changer.

Please sit down with your wife and talk with her. Be real about your concern. It’s okay to say, “I think you need to be screened for anxiety.”
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Many women do this to get attention" WTF! My mom, with untreated anxiety and depression, was exactly like this. If a woman is coughing her lungs out with Covid, is she "just trying to get attention?"

OP, I don't blame you a bit for not being able to take it anymore. But maybe have a think, and a talk with her about what she might be willing to do as far as treatment goes.

My mom refused treatment because she thought it would destroy her personality. I saw this as another symptom, but I don't even play a doctor on TV.

Both can be true - some are seeking attention and others truly have anxiety disorders.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this who has become increasingly worse as she ages.

It started out similar to OP's description, and I do believe it stemmed from insecurity and as a way to bring attention to her importance.

But now she's getting older, it's gone from stressing over daily events to flat-out lying about stuff, simply to make it seem more dramatic.

She does this with her medical stuff which is particularly trying. She can make a hangnail seem as though an amputation is imminent. It gets tiring...and it gets increasingly difficult to know when to believe her.

I often think of the old "Chicken Little" and "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" fables. When the sky does fall and the wolf does arrive, no one will believe her.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate all of the responses. I am unaware of any childhood drama. But her parents divorced and he remarried which I believe may be an issue.

I have been very patient, talked many times. we went to counseling for 3-4 sessions but it was unfruitful.

She was diagnosed with adhd and given a prescription which she doesnt take.

I imagine when kids go to college we will end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. This sounds a lot to me like a woman with teen kids who doesn’t work who is manufacturing drama to create purpose in her life.

“What would everyone do if I wasn’t fixing the dog/addressing kids anxiety/hosting for 50???!!!”

And that's a very possible indicator of anxiety, which is something to be discussed with and diagnosed by an actual doctor. Not us strangers here online. And it should be treated with some compassion by her husband, who like you sees "drama" when beneath that drama may be a person who's dealing with pain and self-doubts. If he loves the person he married, he should try to grow more concern and compassion for that person, not just sneer and toss up his hands and give up on marriage without making any effort at seeing her problems might be illness and not mere drama.

Also sounds like a mother who is so exasperated by a husband/father who couldn't care less about her, the kids, or their lives. Probably leaves for work in the morning and doesn't give one thought to what it takes to actually raise children and the immense amount of emotional energy it takes. She is channeling her resentment toward him for doing nothing to help or care about anything into all this other stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything is an issue.

Dog chips a nail running around the yard and has a little blood when it comes in. OMG it could bleed to death, 3 hours of drama, googling. Spoiler alert, dog is fine.

Kids sports team looks to improve the team, OMG, what is going on, X won't be able to play college sport now. Hours upon hours upon hours of calls and texts freaking out, googling kids, team rosters and such.

Kids driving teacher gave feedback that kid is not very comfortable driving. My response, ok we will spend additional time with them behind the wheel to get them comfortable. Wifes response is OMG, she can't ever drive, She needs to be medicated to make her calm, what will we do, this is serious............

Neighbor cutting grass, can you believe it, they are cutting grass again(duh they do it every Saturday), so rude, so inconsiderate, I am going over to say something to them. No, they own the property and are just cutting the grass.

We are hosting thanksgiving this year. Our house is so small, we need to move all the furniture out of formal living room, rent a table and use the formal living room as a dining room because dining room is so small. House is 7300 sf, dining room is 12 x 16 with a table that seats ten.

All of this since Saturday. Including about 10 other things that are so ridiculous I won't even type them.

I just don't want it any more.

It's just non stop. I can't stand her any more. Her mother makes her husband miserable(he pretends he is hard of hearing when she is around), her sister drove her husband out of the house, I am just sick of the drama with everything. And my wife used to always say things to her mom and sister about how nasty they were/are to their husbands, now she is running point on it.

Just venting.

Your wife should have Turkey day with us in our 1,200 sf home, dining room 12x14 (approx). 7300 sf is HUUUUUUGE!that's like 6 of my houses!!
I'm so sorry. Must be frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. This sounds a lot to me like a woman with teen kids who doesn’t work who is manufacturing drama to create purpose in her life.

“What would everyone do if I wasn’t fixing the dog/addressing kids anxiety/hosting for 50???!!!”

And that's a very possible indicator of anxiety, which is something to be discussed with and diagnosed by an actual doctor. Not us strangers here online. And it should be treated with some compassion by her husband, who like you sees "drama" when beneath that drama may be a person who's dealing with pain and self-doubts. If he loves the person he married, he should try to grow more concern and compassion for that person, not just sneer and toss up his hands and give up on marriage without making any effort at seeing her problems might be illness and not mere drama.

Also sounds like a mother who is so exasperated by a husband/father who couldn't care less about her, the kids, or their lives. Probably leaves for work in the morning and doesn't give one thought to what it takes to actually raise children and the immense amount of emotional energy it takes. She is channeling her resentment toward him for doing nothing to help or care about anything into all this other stuff.

You are about as off as it gets with this theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate all of the responses. I am unaware of any childhood drama. But her parents divorced and he remarried which I believe may be an issue.

I have been very patient, talked many times. we went to counseling for 3-4 sessions but it was unfruitful.

She was diagnosed with adhd and given a prescription which she doesnt take.

I imagine when kids go to college we will end.

I’m really sorry to hear this. My former spouse also has untreated ADHD - these people can be great in some ways but can be very hard to manage a household/live with. It also often presents similar to anxiety IME.

I would be very, very clear with your wife that if she doesn’t take this seriously and start managing her condition, divorce is inevitable.