My spouse is addicted to Drama
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Anonymous
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Everything is an issue.
Dog chips a nail running around the yard and has a little blood when it comes in. OMG it could bleed to death, 3 hours of drama, googling. Spoiler alert, dog is fine. Kids sports team looks to improve the team, OMG, what is going on, X won't be able to play college sport now. Hours upon hours upon hours of calls and texts freaking out, googling kids, team rosters and such. Kids driving teacher gave feedback that kid is not very comfortable driving. My response, ok we will spend additional time with them behind the wheel to get them comfortable. Wifes response is OMG, she can't ever drive, She needs to be medicated to make her calm, what will we do, this is serious............ Neighbor cutting grass, can you believe it, they are cutting grass again(duh they do it every Saturday), so rude, so inconsiderate, I am going over to say something to them. No, they own the property and are just cutting the grass. We are hosting thanksgiving this year. Our house is so small, we need to move all the furniture out of formal living room, rent a table and use the formal living room as a dining room because dining room is so small. House is 7300 sf, dining room is 12 x 16 with a table that seats ten. All of this since Saturday. Including about 10 other things that are so ridiculous I won't even type them. I just don't want it any more. It's just non stop. I can't stand her any more. Her mother makes her husband miserable(he pretends he is hard of hearing when she is around), her sister drove her husband out of the house, I am just sick of the drama with everything. And my wife used to always say things to her mom and sister about how nasty they were/are to their husbands, now she is running point on it. Just venting. |
Anonymous
Sorry OP - she sounds like a piece of work. Has she considered anxiety meds? |
Anonymous
| OP - what are the companion qualities that initially drew you to her? Is she otherwise very positively passionate (about you? ABout other things)? Has her passion become more focused on negative things? This also seems like super anxious behavior |
Anonymous
| What trauma did she experience in childhood? Often, people seek out the same chaos from their childhood, because it feels comfortable for them. |
Anonymous
| Anxiety is an illness. You should be more sympathetic that your spouse is sick, but your spouse must also seek treatment. This is no way for either of you to live. |
Anonymous
NP. OP, please re-read the post above. Get out of the house, away from her and the kids, and try to focus for a while on your whole relationship and what positives she had and positives you can still find. Then think: If she had a physical illness or injury, you would be sympathetic--wouldn't you? But you aren't seeing that she actually is ill right now. She sounds so anxious and possibly depressed as well. But because anxiety and depression manifest in behaviors like you describe, spouses and others tend to think, "My spouse is just being terrible," rather than, "My spouse is sick and needs help." Can you at least try to approach this as, she is not just "addicted to drama," she's in constant misery and mental pain? Because people who suffer from anxiety and/or depression are in agony, even if it comes out as anger and drama and flying off the handle about things which seem tiny to YOU. Those things loom so very large for HER because she can't control them and her anxious mind is desperate for control; she may feel terrifyingly out of control. Maybe not. But if you still love her, or love your marriage, why not default to "She's ill and needs help" instead of "She's dramatic and I can't deal any more"? She may resist at first but you need to sit down with her and tell her that out of love for her, you're pointing out that she seems so very wound up and upset and you want to help her. Have an appointment already lined up with her doctor to get her a full workup and ask the doctor how to proceed for anxiety -- she may need talk therapy, meds, whatever. If she's tried that previously? Wrong doctor, bad fit, wrong med, all possible. But it's sad and a bit disturbing when a spouse's first instinct is "drama" instead of "this behavior is irritating but maybe there's more going on and I want to help." |
Anonymous
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Please sit her down and tell her. If you love her, she needs this feedback. A friend’s husband had this conversation with her.
She shared with me later that her dh had one foot out the door as it/ she with the negativity was too much. She is so grateful he told her. She worked on a few things, as did he. Now with dc out of house, they are so happy they got through that. |
Anonymous
I wouldn't either, tbh. |
Anonymous
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Many women do this to get attention rather than ask for what they want/need so they fixate on something outside of themselves that they believe warrants attention. Trouble is they go from one made up drama to the next and eventually exhaust everyone around them.
Sit her down and tell her she needs to get a handle on this issue b/c it's not a healthy way to live. |
Anonymous
| I was like this when I had terrible anxiety. A little Prozac is just what she needs |
Anonymous
| Run! and take your kids. Marriage to this person is an emotional sinkhole. It will consume you. Get out while you can. |
Anonymous
| This sounds like untreated anxiety. I am not a doctor. But a person who has recently started addressing my anxiety. I know it’s a pain to live with but this isn’t any fun for her either. |
Anonymous
That said, it does not sound like you love or even like her anymore, so maybe that is the bigger issue here. What you describe doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary, if annoying. |
Anonymous
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Wow. It actually sounds like she has a medical condition, OP.
You need to lay it all out before her. Keep a list of the things she's done that are out of the range of normal. Then sit her down when she's at her least excitable, and go over the list. Point out that her mother and sister are like this, and the consequences on their marriages. Then tell her that she has to seek professional help: first a medical check-up, then mental health check-up. Explain that she's making life unbearable and that you cannot live with someone like this. If she can at all help herself, she will find a way with your support. If she can't, you will have a hard decision to make in the future. |
Anonymous
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Sounds exhausting op.
Try talking to her about it. Literally tell her you are tried of her drama have a come to Jesus moment with her. Give her a chance to change. |