DH broke no contact with my mom

[Anonymous]

The responses on this thread are bonkers. Nowhere did OP say she was enraged at her husband or planning to rip him a new one. She said she's crushed and let down -- totally reasonable and appropriate in this case.

Sending you big hugs, OP. I hope your husband will be home soon, will apologize for his mistake, and you two can proceed with your united front.

[Anonymous]

I totally get why this would upset you OP.

I would be very upset as well.

However it is done…

What you can now do is double-stress to your husband how IMPORTANT it is to you that you are both UNITED in enforcing this boundary w/your Mother.

Perhaps he did not think it was a big deal prior…..??

Hopefully your Mom will not come to your home.
If you feel afraid - do not hesitate to call the police if she shows up.

[Anonymous]

Did he say why he responded? Did she fake an emergency or did he not understand that you were no-contact in order to protect your boundaries? People who don't have experience with people at this level of manipulation and abuse just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry your DH caved and talked to your mom. Sounds like he's under a little stress, too. You are home alone and he can't be there to support you.

Best of luck with the IVF cycle!

Thanks. Hoping for the best.

He usually asks or tells me if she texted and he doesn't respond. They aren't close he never had a separate relationship with her. We were supposed to be a united front on this boundary

Why did he suddenly f*ck this up?

He's going through a family emergency and dealing with stuff at home as well. To me, it's understandable that he made a mistake in responding. I don't understand why mom isn't blocked though

People do all kinds of things when under a lot of stress including being on autopilot and just not thinking.
He might have her blocked she could still have his number and contacted him from a different number.
It might help you op to come up with a strategy for if mom shows up.
Remind yourself you are an adult and in control.
You do not have to open the door.
If she doesn't leave or tries to enter you can call the police.
You may also find it helpful to call a trusted friend or your therapist for support.
If you're not in therapy you should start.
Becoming a mom is going to bring up all sorts of emotions in you. You'll want a professional to help guide you.
Allow yourself grace and your husband too yes he messed up and it was a big one but also he was not at his best self and he's been supportive so far
Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s his own person and a separate human being. You want to cut off contact with someone, great. But don’t tell him what to do.

Strong disagree. DH is no contact with his mom and never wants her to meet our daughter. He knows her better than I do (or ever will), he gets to set that boundary. If I met up with her and brought DD or something, I believe he would divorce me and I would deserve it because that's a huge violation of trust.

[Anonymous]

Stims mean you are also extra hormoney which is going to contribute to your reaction. Let it pass, block her number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses on this thread are bonkers. Nowhere did OP say she was enraged at her husband or planning to rip him a new one. She said she's crushed and let down -- totally reasonable and appropriate in this case.

Sending you big hugs, OP. I hope your husband will be home soon, will apologize for his mistake, and you two can proceed with your united front.

Eh, "crushed" at him is an overreaction too. He's away from her and dealing with a death in his family. He did one dumb thing likely while distracted by, well, see: Death in his family and lots of people around him. OP seems extremely invested in being "crushed" as you call it or angry as it appears to others of us. She also said he's had texts from her mom before this and has never responded, yet the one time he, under stress, makes a mistake, she's spiraling that he doesn't have her back. If she feels actually endangered by her mom knowing where she is, she should go away for a few days but she also should be getting a restraining order if she is THAT level of scared of mom. I get it, she is an abuse victim, but being this level of crushed at DH feels like it's displaced anger that belongs on her mom, not her DH. If OP can't exercise more judgement about where her anger and "crushed" feelngs really lie, her life with her DH and any future child is going to be ruled by her unresolved emotions over her terrible mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, prayers for you!

[Anonymous]

When he is back ask if he has changed his mind or disagrees with the no contact. You need to know if he supports you in this. With the death of a family member, and the two of you starting down the path of growing your family he may be having second thoughts.