Fourth date-sleepover, no sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drunk and high and still not having sex? I can't imagine ever having sex sober after that.

I am straight and twice I have spent the night, in bed, with a man and we didn't have sex. Never ended up having sex with either of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drunk and high and still not having sex? I can't imagine ever having sex sober after that.

I am straight and twice I have spent the night, in bed, with a man and we didn't have sex. Never ended up having sex with either of them.

Were the men gay? be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she not used to being gay or something

We both have only kissed women. She said she wants to do more though. I messed up.

If you messed up, then she messed up too. You were following her cues. I think she wants to date women in theory more than in practice, and it’s much easier to flirt over text than in-person. I imagine she really likes you and finds you attractive - you are the kind of woman she would want to date, if she actually wanted to date women.

You didn’t mess up.

I agree.

Maybe she isn't ready, or maybe the vibe isn't there. I think you should date some other people because first it will be she's too nervous for sex, and then she won't want to come out etc etc etc. Sounds like too much trouble, honestly.

+1 Don't put all your eggs in this basket. If something more ends up happening with this woman, yay. If not, perhaps you can be great friends. Either way, don't forget that you are new to being gay - and you deserve to really go explore what this is going to look like for you. Life is too short to divorce a man and then end up in a complicated possibly s**less relationship with someone else right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drunk and high and still not having sex? I can't imagine ever having sex sober after that.

I am straight and twice I have spent the night, in bed, with a man and we didn't have sex. Never ended up having sex with either of them.

Were the men gay? be honest.

Nope. One is probably bi.

[Anonymous]

One of you please strap it on!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I'm reading a immature 7th grader's diary.

Yes, perhaps a little unkind, but I had the same reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds really really boring. Pet her cats? That’s not even a euphemism? If this is what is happening in lesbian relationships, I bet a lot of guys who fanaticize about this are very disappointed.

Ha, so true.

Maybe they should lay off the weed, tequila, and couch-potatoing. How about go do something where you can touch a little bit in a flirtatious way. Mini golf? Hike the Billy Goat Trail? Sit at the corner of a bar, share a bottle of white wine, play a little footsie under the bar? Maybe that would help you get comfortable being physical and sexual. Then you can do a little actual making out.

Right? I am not an extrovert by any means, but if this is what dating has come down to f it.

OP here. We have gone downtown for brunch, went to the drive in theater, and went out to a Mexican restaurant on the 3 dates prior. We wanted a more chill night I guess

This was the pace of my hetero relationship. I think the pace is fine. Ours ended in a sleepover with kissing and mutual manual action.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re going to get skewed answers here. Try one of the local queer women apps; search around on TikTok and you’ll find them (I don’t want to rec here because part of the safety in the community is knowing it’s there).

But anyway, what you’re describing is contextually normal!!! Hilarious to look back on and very normal for two late in life queer women. No one wants to do it wrong so you avoid making the first move, and are unsure if attraction and desire “feel” the same as with an opposite gender partner. Also depending on personalities you might be getting emotionally intimate before sexually. A prior relationship and I didn’t have sex for a month of dates; it only ended bc she didn’t want kids.

Anyway. If you want more, communicate and try. One nice thing about women is that we tend to know what we like and how to say it, so as long as you’re comfortable with communication you’re good.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Relax and be calm. Enjoy it for what it is. I do however agree with an earlier poster to feel out others also to see how that pace may go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds really really boring. Pet her cats? That’s not even a euphemism? If this is what is happening in lesbian relationships, I bet a lot of guys who fanaticize about this are very disappointed.

Ha, so true.

Maybe they should lay off the weed, tequila, and couch-potatoing. How about go do something where you can touch a little bit in a flirtatious way. Mini golf? Hike the Billy Goat Trail? Sit at the corner of a bar, share a bottle of white wine, play a little footsie under the bar? Maybe that would help you get comfortable being physical and sexual. Then you can do a little actual making out.

Right? I am not an extrovert by any means, but if this is what dating has come down to f it.

OP here. We have gone downtown for brunch, went to the drive in theater, and went out to a Mexican restaurant on the 3 dates prior. We wanted a more chill night I guess

I mean… you haven’t actually BEEN “downtown.”

So make that happen.

[Anonymous]

If I’m attracted to someone l would for sure get hot and bothered spooning. I’m a straight woman. I could not do that all night with a guy l was attracted to - for sure would have had sex. It sounds like one or both of you is asexual, or low libido. I’m no sex therapist though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I’m attracted to someone l would for sure get hot and bothered spooning. I’m a straight woman. I could not do that all night with a guy l was attracted to - for sure would have had sex. It sounds like one or both of you is asexual, or low libido. I’m no sex therapist though.

I have a high libido as a woman and also straight but I also know if I’m looking for a serious relationship it doesn’t hurt to pace. You can gauge chemistry in other ways. I think by 4th date you should know if you yourself are attracted to them, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I’m attracted to someone l would for sure get hot and bothered spooning. I’m a straight woman. I could not do that all night with a guy l was attracted to - for sure would have had sex. It sounds like one or both of you is asexual, or low libido. I’m no sex therapist though.

Honest question, have you ever lived with a romantic partner? What happened?

[Anonymous]

Without a man in a relationship, there just is nobody who can initiate sex.

[Anonymous]

This is reminding me of a lesbian version of Heartstoppers.