Fourth date-sleepover, no sex
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Anonymous
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This is the same person who wrote second date-no kiss, if anyone remembers that one.
I (F28) am dating a woman (29) and we are both new to dating women. We kissed on the first and third date, both initiated by me (though on the third date she pulled me in for a second kiss). After the third date she sent me a text basically thanking me for kissing her again and that she wants to do it more but get scared to make the first move. I'm fine with making the first moves since she seems really into me (bubbly with me, texts back fast, thoughtful and caring). She invited me to her house last night, it was nice, we pet her cats, smoked a joint, each had two shots of tequila, and ordered pizza as we watched two movies. We didn't hold hands or kiss, though we sat close on the couch. She asked me to spend the night and I agreed, we watched TV in her bed still not cuddling. After one episode I decided to make the first move and asked her to cuddle, which she seemed really happy about. We fell asleep. We kissed in the morning when I left. She wanted me to spend the day there, but I was kinda socially worn out after 12 hours, since I'm used to being single. I'm feeling overall ok with this, but do you think it's weird? I probably should have tried to make out with her or something. We are both feminine if that matters. |
Anonymous
| If you're having a good time just go with it. |
Anonymous
| Are you attracted to her? I feel like if you were in bed, and buzzed, and nothing happened … I say give it one more shot and be a little more proactive! |
Anonymous
| I feel like I'm reading a immature 7th grader's diary. |
Anonymous
| You don’t know her and she’s not an easy lay- pace yourself. Go buy some lube. |
Anonymous
| This sounds really really boring. Pet her cats? That’s not even a euphemism? If this is what is happening in lesbian relationships, I bet a lot of guys who fanaticize about this are very disappointed. |
Anonymous
Ha, so true. Maybe they should lay off the weed, tequila, and couch-potatoing. How about go do something where you can touch a little bit in a flirtatious way. Mini golf? Hike the Billy Goat Trail? Sit at the corner of a bar, share a bottle of white wine, play a little footsie under the bar? Maybe that would help you get comfortable being physical and sexual. Then you can do a little actual making out. |
Anonymous
It sounds to me like someone who's not actually sure she wants to be in a gay relationship - or even to try gay sex. It could just be extreme nervousness or shyness. But I wouldn't discount the possibility that you are her "safe" friend she can have over for cuddles and movies, who she doesn't really have to risk anything with. If you're comfortable going EXTREMELY slowly/perhaps never going anywhere at all, then it's hard to see how it hurts to keep hanging out. But I guess I'd try not to get too committed to this being an actual thing at this stage! I wish you luck, though - and TBH going to someone's house to get a little high, pet their cats, and watch a movie, sounds sort of awesome. |
Anonymous
Right? I am not an extrovert by any means, but if this is what dating has come down to f it. |
Anonymous
OP here. We have gone downtown for brunch, went to the drive in theater, and went out to a Mexican restaurant on the 3 dates prior. We wanted a more chill night I guess |
Anonymous
It wasn't boring to me. She once said I could come over to play with her cats anytime, then said she meant is sexually too. So she basically gave me the go-ahead, and I didn't take it because I'm nervous with women and used to men making the first move. I think that none of the people commenting on here have even bothered trying to date a woman... |
Anonymous
What's the big rush? I know that these days "dating" now means "having sex" and having it as early as possible but why not get to know each other as people first? This applies whether the relationship is lesbian, gay, straight or anything else. I get the impression you're both a bit insecure here and overthinking it all. Plan more active outings (not just restaurants/food/movies). What does she really like to do for fun? Where in the area has neither of you been before? Do you realliy share the same interests and tastes--do you know for sure? Are you able to have actual fun together beyond sharing food and watching movies (drive-in or at home)? Worry less about when you "should" be having sex and then it'll happen more organically and naturally, because you both want to, not because either of you feels you "should" be doing it. |
Anonymous
The same advice applies no matter the sexuality involved: If you're too nervous to make the first move, it's not time for the first move yet. Slow down the assumptions that people are supposed to kiss by Date Number Whatever and then have sex by Date Number Whichever. There are no magic numbers for when one is supposed to do anything. You're both individuals, not part of some formula. Dating a woman, dating a man, etc., same thing is true. |
Anonymous
| Is she not used to being gay or something |
Anonymous
We both have only kissed women. She said she wants to do more though. I messed up. |