child is gay but not out and sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. You don't even know yourself.

This!

My parents 100% thought I was gay. I had a really awkward conversation about it and how I should quit my sport because of the lesbians. I'm not now nor have I ever been attracted to women! I was friends with my lesbian teammates, but nothing more than that. Truth is you don't know! Fast forward 20+ years - happily married in a heterosexual relationship worh 2 kids. You don't know what you don't know. I'm simply a sporty tomboy, always have been.

Right, I dont know, but I get a strong vibe. Should I ignore it because I don't have proof?

... should I ignore it because I don't have proof, and believe straight until proven gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is the "2 sisters" part relevant? Are you worried about incest?

Not worried in the least about incest, but it's relevant because I'd prefer to not just stop sleepovers for everyone because one person is gay, esp as what explanation do I give?

And yes I am changing details on siblings for privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do nothing. I’m sure she can control herself.

Would you also be okay with straight tweens of the opposite sex having a sleepover?

It's not the same because there are way less risks with two female tween exploring. It might not be ideal, but it's not the same.

Which risks are you referring to that are way less? Pregnancy, STD?

Unless you are a rare "anti-abortion, even for my own kid" person, it's pretty similar.

I am pro-choice. But I don't think an abortion is risk free physically or emotionally. I would much rather my hypothetical tween (cause I only have boys) not get pregnant, than have to go through an invasive medical procedure.

And yes the rates of STD's are different as well.

Plus there is often a size and strength differential in opposite sex couples that can complicate things.

For girls, with hetero relationships, risks are: STDs (lower), pregnancy, abortion, rape (higher), emotional
For girls, in gay relationships, risks are: STDs, rape (but lower I'm guessing), emotional.

What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do nothing. I’m sure she can control herself.

Would you also be okay with straight tweens of the opposite sex having a sleepover?

It's not the same because there are way less risks with two female tween exploring. It might not be ideal, but it's not the same.

Which risks are you referring to that are way less? Pregnancy, STD?

Unless you are a rare "anti-abortion, even for my own kid" person, it's pretty similar.

I am pro-choice. But I don't think an abortion is risk free physically or emotionally. I would much rather my hypothetical tween (cause I only have boys) not get pregnant, than have to go through an invasive medical procedure.

And yes the rates of STD's are different as well.

Plus there is often a size and strength differential in opposite sex couples that can complicate things.

I am as pro-choice as it gets. I agree abortions arent nothing.

Plus, in part because I am pro-choice, it would be complicated to mandate my teenager having an abortion if she didn't want one. And I don't think I can really predict with assurance she would -- kids aren't always rationale

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the "2 sisters" part relevant? Are you worried about incest?

Um because the sisters are probably allowed to have same sex sleepovers?! And were allowed at tweens age? So rule setting may be trickier. Not sure why you would jump to incest.

I’m also not sure why OP also seems to think gay = predator. What a weird way to think.

OP here. Where did i imply that gay = predator? Sorry if I did, but I don't consciously think that way.

I am just not clear if i am at the point where I want to sponsor people who are attracted to each other sleeping under my roof. And because she isn't out to me, it's hard to have that discussion with her. And because of her gender, and her friends' gender, this isn't the sort of thing where society would pressure them NOT to have a sleepover, it seems like it's easier to almost "encourage" a sexy sleepover without meaning to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do nothing. I’m sure she can control herself.

Would you also be okay with straight tweens of the opposite sex having a sleepover?

OP here- I just don't know yet. Probably not at age 12, no.

But like I said above, I also feel like if a boy is sleeping over at my house with my permission my older, straight daughter, they have reached at least the point where they are confident enough to consider each other boy/girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. You don't even know yourself.

Pretty sure I do, and pretty sure these are more than friends.

Wait, you think your daughter is gay, involved in a romantic relationship with more than 1 girl, and wants to invite her multiple romantic partners for a sleepover?

Yeah, this has troll written all over it. Try again, OP.

I am NOT a troll. Yes, I've been vague, because even on an anonymous forum I feel uncomfortable talking about my daughter's sexuality because she isn't even out to me.

1. I am fairly sure she is gay. She has not yet come out to me.
2. She is 12. She is mature for her age.
3. I am realizing, in retrospect, that she has had several friends who are girls in a series of friendships. I now wonder in retrospect if at least one has been more than friendships. These girls have spent the night in the same room/bed.
4. My oldest is straight, but hasn't had a boyfriend. So, I don't know yet how and when we will feel about opposite sex sleepovers, but it seems the same rules that apply to the oldest for boys should apply to the youngest for girls.

Why are they sleeping in the same bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. You don't even know yourself.

Pretty sure I do, and pretty sure these are more than friends.

Wait, you think your daughter is gay, involved in a romantic relationship with more than 1 girl, and wants to invite her multiple romantic partners for a sleepover?

Yeah, this has troll written all over it. Try again, OP.

No, not necessarily.

How are you so certain things are not happening at “innocent sleepovers” when everyone growing up today is LGTBQIA+ ?

Agree. We stopped doing sleepovers in middle school. Too many kids identifying as other than straight. Not having a bunch of 13 yr old girls that identify as bi over for a basement sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. You don't even know yourself.

Pretty sure I do, and pretty sure these are more than friends.

Wait, you think your daughter is gay, involved in a romantic relationship with more than 1 girl, and wants to invite her multiple romantic partners for a sleepover?

Yeah, this has troll written all over it. Try again, OP.

No, not necessarily.

How are you so certain things are not happening at “innocent sleepovers” when everyone growing up today is LGTBQIA+ ?

Agree. We stopped doing sleepovers in middle school. Too many kids identifying as other than straight. Not having a bunch of 13 yr old girls that identify as bi over for a basement sleepover.

This is SO over the top helicopter parenting

[Anonymous]

I'd probably allow it until I had more information. But maybe change where they sleep to the living room so there's a slightly less privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. You don't even know yourself.

Pretty sure I do, and pretty sure these are more than friends.

Wait, you think your daughter is gay, involved in a romantic relationship with more than 1 girl, and wants to invite her multiple romantic partners for a sleepover?

Yeah, this has troll written all over it. Try again, OP.

No, not necessarily.

How are you so certain things are not happening at “innocent sleepovers” when everyone growing up today is LGTBQIA+ ?

Agree. We stopped doing sleepovers in middle school. Too many kids identifying as other than straight. Not having a bunch of 13 yr old girls that identify as bi over for a basement sleepover.

This is the better approach.

I have identified as straight my whole life and still kissed a girl in middle school. It could have been more if we had privacy. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

We don’t allow sleepovers with non-relatives anymore. My kid knows kids that are bi, gay, pansexual, etc. It’s such a wild mix of horny teens and we don’t know who’s who anymore. Even the [currently] straight kids confuse me. My kid was invited to a mixed gender sleepover, and I’m just not up for that. And I don’t think he really is either but: FOMO, I guess.

At 14, I just don’t think it’s a necessary event.

[Anonymous]

The easy way is to have extra kids for a sleepover, no 1:1 sleepovers of potential partners. Experimentation and exploration are very unlikely to happen in a group setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the "2 sisters" part relevant? Are you worried about incest?

Not worried in the least about incest, but it's relevant because I'd prefer to not just stop sleepovers for everyone because one person is gay, esp as what explanation do I give?

And yes I am changing details on siblings for privacy.

You can’t just stop for one kid. Both have sleepovers or they don’t. That’s just not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the "2 sisters" part relevant? Are you worried about incest?

Um because the sisters are probably allowed to have same sex sleepovers?! And were allowed at tweens age? So rule setting may be trickier. Not sure why you would jump to incest.

I’m also not sure why OP also seems to think gay = predator. What a weird way to think.

OP here. Where did i imply that gay = predator? Sorry if I did, but I don't consciously think that way.

I am just not clear if i am at the point where I want to sponsor people who are attracted to each other sleeping under my roof. And because she isn't out to me, it's hard to have that discussion with her. And because of her gender, and her friends' gender, this isn't the sort of thing where society would pressure them NOT to have a sleepover, it seems like it's easier to almost "encourage" a sexy sleepover without meaning to.

You seem to think that gay people always have sex all the time and don't have same sex friends. This is weird.