How do you identify a man that would be a good husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessary but the following would be a plus:
Able to fix irrigation, able to paint, able to change a tire and change a battery, knows how a car engine runs,
able to fix simple plumbing, able to trouble shoot home repairs

Can cook 1 or 2 meals that are really yummy.

Op inquired about a husband, not a butler! Glad I’m not stuck with you!

Seriously!

PP forgot to add that he needs to rock a crisp white shirt while answering the door while saying "Good day, sir/madam"!

[Anonymous]

Agree with pretty much all that has been said.

-get to know his family extremely well, and watch carefully how he relates with them. Family baggage is likely to spill over into your marriage eventually. Most families will have some issues- does he handle those issue maturely? Does he speak to his family respectfully and vice versa? Any abuse or addiction in the family? Does he have an age appropriate relationship and reasonable boundaries with his parents? Does his family like you, and approve of the marriage? Any major problems in this realm are unlikely to change much over time, IME.

- how does he handle stress and adversity, or unexpected setbacks? There will be plenty of that in life, especially if you have kids. If any temper issues- huge huge red flag. Emotional resilience is important. Look at all the posts on this board about angry husbands who yell all the time, the rest of the family is walking on eggshells etc…

- is he gainfully employed and hard working , in a stable career or working towards that, with a specific plan? Can he support himself (not necessarily a family - just himself). Any large debts or other financial issues you should be aware of?

- any addiction or ongoing mental health issues? Present or past? Existence of either one will make life a lot more difficult for you, and should require careful consideration. These issues tend to crop back up over and over again.

- is he kind? How does he treat waitstaff? How does he treat people when he thinks other are not watching? Good with kids? kind to animals?

- does he take care of his home/apartment? keep the place reasonably clean and maintained? Do his own laundry? Knows how to cook a few meals? What is his baseline?- as it usually only gets worse over time and with the addition of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way he treats wait staff at a restaurant, how he treats his family, how he interacts with kids. Most of all how he treats you.

This worked for me too! I’m married to a true gem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luck!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessary but the following would be a plus:
Able to fix irrigation, able to paint, able to change a tire and change a battery, knows how a car engine runs,
able to fix simple plumbing, able to trouble shoot home repairs

Can cook 1 or 2 meals that are really yummy.

Op inquired about a husband, not a butler! Glad I’m not stuck with you!

I know. My DH can’t do a single one of these things but he is a terrific life partner. Kindness and emotional maturity are way more important.

I hope at least one of you learns to change a tire sooner than later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way he treats wait staff at a restaurant, how he treats his family, how he interacts with kids. Most of all how he treats you.

This worked for me too! I’m married to a true gem.

This and only this.

I am divorcing and this is really the only thing that matters. I have kids, they have a father, I make enough $ for myself, I have girlfriends to travel or dress up with, I have colleagues to stimulate me intellectually. What I need in a husband is someone who cares for the real me, who I am attracted to and want to have sex with, who I want to grow old with and share a life with longterm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- he comes from an intact and happy family
- he is loved by his family. he is close to his family
- very well educated and values education
- honest, moral and principled
- kind, loving and fair
- hard working and not greedy
- has pride and self respect
- respectful towards other people and women.
- loves, wants and values me.
- wants to have a family and values the family
- has the qualities to be a great father
- is not misogynistic. Believes in equality.
- is a flexible thinker
- sees me as an equal and as his partner.
- disciplined and has maturity
- no addiction, adultry and abuse
- loyal and upholds the marital vows

Money? Meh! I can earn alongside him. Not a problem.

Thanks for this! I completely agree. Especially the points about no addiction, adultery or abuse - pretty major issues that many people are leaving out!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the number one thing you need to look for is someone who has a track record of maintaining good long term relationships. That is good relationship with parents, siblings, childhood friends, employers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the number one thing you need to look for is someone who has a track record of maintaining good long term relationships. That is good relationship with parents, siblings, childhood friends, employers.

Yeah Meghan and Harry are both screwed if this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When dating what qualities does one look for in a man to ensure he would be a good husband?

What do you consider good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kindness

That is not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with pretty much all that has been said.

-get to know his family extremely well, and watch carefully how he relates with them. Family baggage is likely to spill over into your marriage eventually. Most families will have some issues- does he handle those issue maturely? Does he speak to his family respectfully and vice versa? Any abuse or addiction in the family? Does he have an age appropriate relationship and reasonable boundaries with his parents? Does his family like you, and approve of the marriage? Any major problems in this realm are unlikely to change much over time, IME.

- how does he handle stress and adversity, or unexpected setbacks? There will be plenty of that in life, especially if you have kids. If any temper issues- huge huge red flag. Emotional resilience is important. Look at all the posts on this board about angry husbands who yell all the time, the rest of the family is walking on eggshells etc…

- is he gainfully employed and hard working , in a stable career or working towards that, with a specific plan? Can he support himself (not necessarily a family - just himself). Any large debts or other financial issues you should be aware of?

- any addiction or ongoing mental health issues? Present or past? Existence of either one will make life a lot more difficult for you, and should require careful consideration. These issues tend to crop back up over and over again.

- is he kind? How does he treat waitstaff? How does he treat people when he thinks other are not watching? Good with kids? kind to animals?

- does he take care of his home/apartment? keep the place reasonably clean and maintained? Do his own laundry? Knows how to cook a few meals? What is his baseline?- as it usually only gets worse over time and with the addition of kids.

Plus a million. If his family resents him(for whatever narcissistic reason), they will resent any wife, also!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When dating what qualities does one look for in a man to ensure he would be a good husband?

What do you consider good?

+1

Important question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kind, good to his parents, long term job (not a job hopper every year), careful with money, has some long term friends (1 or 2 is okay), generous to help others,
some kind of faith tradition, sense of humor, flexible in outlook

The above won’t control for some mental disorders and masking.

Not manipulative narcissists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not necessary but the following would be a plus:
Able to fix irrigation, able to paint, able to change a tire and change a battery, knows how a car engine runs,
able to fix simple plumbing, able to trouble shoot home repairs

Can cook 1 or 2 meals that are really yummy.

Op inquired about a husband, not a butler! Glad I’m not stuck with you!

I know. My DH can’t do a single one of these things but he is a terrific life partner. Kindness and emotional maturity are way more important.

DP here. Agree that being handy means that his dad spent extra time with him, and that his dad paid attention, and that his dad was likely a good example - all good. If the parent/s are checked out, that is kind of awful.

That’s a pretty sexist assumption. My DH can fix almost anything around the house, and learned it all from his mother. She still - at 80 - does almost anything a hired handyman does.