Reply to How do you identify a man that would be a good husband?

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[quote=Anonymous]Agree with pretty much all that has been said.

-get to know his family extremely well, and watch carefully how he relates with them. Family baggage is likely to spill over into your marriage eventually. Most families will have some issues- does he handle those issue maturely? Does he speak to his family respectfully and vice versa? Any abuse or addiction in the family? Does he have an age appropriate relationship and reasonable boundaries with his parents? Does his family like you, and approve of the marriage? Any major problems in this realm are unlikely to change much over time, IME.

- how does he handle stress and adversity, or unexpected setbacks? There will be plenty of that in life, especially if you have kids. If any temper issues- huge huge red flag. Emotional resilience is important. Look at all the posts on this board about angry husbands who yell all the time, the rest of the family is walking on eggshells etc…

- is he gainfully employed and hard working , in a stable career or working towards that, with a specific plan? Can he support himself (not necessarily a family - just himself). Any large debts or other financial issues you should be aware of?

- any addiction or ongoing mental health issues? Present or past? Existence of either one will make life a lot more difficult for you, and should require careful consideration. These issues tend to crop back up over and over again.

- is he kind? How does he treat waitstaff? How does he treat people when he thinks other are not watching? Good with kids? kind to animals?

- does he take care of his home/apartment? keep the place reasonably clean and maintained? Do his own laundry? Knows how to cook a few meals? What is his baseline?- as it usually only gets worse over time and with the addition of kids. [/quote]

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