Can good parents just have an awful child?

[Anonymous]

I think it happens, but is very rare. In the large majority of cases bad kids result from bad parents. But occasionally some kids are born psychos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it happens, but is very rare. In the large majority of cases bad kids result from bad parents. But occasionally some kids are born psychos.

Well I think it's very rare for a kid to actually be evil. I think that parenting can cause narcissists (or at least trigger some predisposition to narcissism), and a parent can sort of get a kid into a life of, like, gang violence or something. But a child who truly just wants to do horrible things for no reason at all? I really don't think bad parenting can cause that. I worked as an attorney for bit in a juvenile court system for a while and all the children I saw who were like this had normal parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it happens, but is very rare. In the large majority of cases bad kids result from bad parents. But occasionally some kids are born psychos.

Well I think it's very rare for a kid to actually be evil. I think that parenting can cause narcissists (or at least trigger some predisposition to narcissism), and a parent can sort of get a kid into a life of, like, gang violence or something. But a child who truly just wants to do horrible things for no reason at all? I really don't think bad parenting can cause that. I worked as an attorney for bit in a juvenile court system for a while and all the children I saw who were like this had normal parents.

NYT article talks about how it’s 80% heritable…The string genetic component makes me think that at least one parent is probably oriented a little differently. Whether that also impacts their parents of their psycho kid is TBD. Of course it’s possible both parents are totally normal and the kid is just genetically unlucky…If that’s the case hopefully the parents can have a positive impact. What a difficult and heartbreaking situation to face as a parent. If I were the OP I would keep my kids and pets away from the friend’s daughter. I hope she doesn’t have pets or siblings!

[Anonymous]

I’m going to say possible, but unlikely. Lots of folks with excellent reputations are nightmare parents behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the plot to We Need to talk about Kevin.

No, not exactly. One of the primary themes in the book and the movie adaptation is Eva's ambivalence about motherhood and her struggle to bond with Kevin and meet his basic emotional needs in infancy. Then she has another child who she clearly has no trouble bonding with and showing deep affection for, with Kevin as witness. It isn't clear in the book/movie if he was all born psychopath, or if he was made that way in part by his upbringing/attachment issues.

+1 this is exactly how i interpreted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch 'The Bad Seed'. Campy but addressed the same issue.

The original Bad Seed movie is such a classic. They don't make horror movies even close to that anymore!

[Anonymous]

Yes, past karmic account balance.

The person you have injured the most in a previous life will be born as a close relative - kid, parent, sibling, IL, spouse, relative. They will make your life miserable.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t used to think so but now I do. A close relative of mine has two delightful kids and one really problematic one. He’s not getting in trouble at school, but he is selfish, constantly complaining, feels wronged and persecuted all the time, only wants to do what he wants to do. His siblings are independent, helpful, good kids. When I talk to his mom, she says that her main goal is to get him to the point where he can arrange his life the way he likes. They’re excellent parents, doing what they can.

Sometimes I wonder what’s going to become of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t used to think so but now I do. A close relative of mine has two delightful kids and one really problematic one. He’s not getting in trouble at school, but he is selfish, constantly complaining, feels wronged and persecuted all the time, only wants to do what he wants to do. His siblings are independent, helpful, good kids. When I talk to his mom, she says that her main goal is to get him to the point where he can arrange his life the way he likes. They’re excellent parents, doing what they can.

Sometimes I wonder what’s going to become of him.

With three kids, she probably has her favorites and focuses on the other two or isn't doing much parenting gand got lucky the other two basically parent themselves and this child needs more support. Excellent parents i very subjective. There is a high possibility he's the scapegoat in the family and not treated well.

[Anonymous]

There's a This American Life Episode called Bad Baby in which a mother admits that one of her three kids is a likely a sociopath and enjoys hurting others.

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/521/bad-baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t used to think so but now I do. A close relative of mine has two delightful kids and one really problematic one. He’s not getting in trouble at school, but he is selfish, constantly complaining, feels wronged and persecuted all the time, only wants to do what he wants to do. His siblings are independent, helpful, good kids. When I talk to his mom, she says that her main goal is to get him to the point where he can arrange his life the way he likes. They’re excellent parents, doing what they can.

Sometimes I wonder what’s going to become of him.

Is he the oldest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t used to think so but now I do. A close relative of mine has two delightful kids and one really problematic one. He’s not getting in trouble at school, but he is selfish, constantly complaining, feels wronged and persecuted all the time, only wants to do what he wants to do. His siblings are independent, helpful, good kids. When I talk to his mom, she says that her main goal is to get him to the point where he can arrange his life the way he likes. They’re excellent parents, doing what they can.

Sometimes I wonder what’s going to become of him.

Is he the oldest?

He’s the middle. He’s treated the same except that his behavior gets addressed a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a good friend whose daughter is truly evil. I don’t want to give too many details but of all the kids I have encountered over the years, this girl scares me. I don’t want her near my kids. I want to avoid her. This made me wonder how her always pleasant smiling parents must be at home.

The girl seems to enjoy when others get hurt. She had been the cause of many getting injured and I honestly feel my kids are unsafe around her. I have seen some of her dark art in passing and it is of tortured animals and death. Really dark stuff. I don’t know anyone like her and it is far beyond any typical mean girl behavior.

Can good parents just have an evil child?

How do you know they are good parents if you don't live with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good friend whose daughter is truly evil. I don’t want to give too many details but of all the kids I have encountered over the years, this girl scares me. I don’t want her near my kids. I want to avoid her. This made me wonder how her always pleasant smiling parents must be at home.

The girl seems to enjoy when others get hurt. She had been the cause of many getting injured and I honestly feel my kids are unsafe around her. I have seen some of her dark art in passing and it is of tortured animals and death. Really dark stuff. I don’t know anyone like her and it is far beyond any typical mean girl behavior.

Can good parents just have an evil child?

How do you know they are good parents if you don't live with them?

We’re at each others’ homes all the time (every couple weeks?) and vacation together. We’re essentially raising the cousins together. He’s decent with my kids but will still refuse to help with chores, quit games or cheat if he starts losing, and whine/sulk if we don’t do what he wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a good friend whose daughter is truly evil. I don’t want to give too many details but of all the kids I have encountered over the years, this girl scares me. I don’t want her near my kids. I want to avoid her. This made me wonder how her always pleasant smiling parents must be at home.

The girl seems to enjoy when others get hurt. She had been the cause of many getting injured and I honestly feel my kids are unsafe around her. I have seen some of her dark art in passing and it is of tortured animals and death. Really dark stuff. I don’t know anyone like her and it is far beyond any typical mean girl behavior.

Can good parents just have an evil child?

How do you know they are good parents if you don't live with them?

Op here. The parents don’t seem like sociopaths. They seem like nice people. They are friendlier than most other people. Obviously I don’t know what happens behind closed doors.