Can good parents just have an awful child?

[Anonymous]

Psychopathy is a born trait, but can either be ignited or muffled by parenting. A psychopath born to cruel or abusive parents will likely go full bore psychopathy, while one born to gentle loving parents can seem normal but with personality quirks.

This man who studies psychopathy found out he was one himself: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-neuroscientist-who-discovered-he-was-a-psychopath-180947814/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the plot to We Need to talk about Kevin.

No, not exactly. One of the primary themes in the book and the movie adaptation is Eva's ambivalence about motherhood and her struggle to bond with Kevin and meet his basic emotional needs in infancy. Then she has another child who she clearly has no trouble bonding with and showing deep affection for, with Kevin as witness. It isn't clear in the book/movie if he was all born psychopath, or if he was made that way in part by his upbringing/attachment issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was an article in The Atlantic about this: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-your-child-is-a-psychopath/524502/

And this one from the NY Times Magazine: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/magazine/can-you-call-a-9-year-old-a-psychopath.html

I think some kids are just born this way - their brains are wired differently. I really feel for the parents who are struggling with this. There isn't a whole lot of help or support out there for these kinds of kids.

Op here. The child in the article is like my friend. I always thought she had no empathy and I vaguely remember my friend asking how to teach empathy. I also knew the girl was in therapy but never asked for what. I just remember being shocked and scare over her art. It was so disturbing and scary, especially for a little girl. She is a good artist so the details of the pained animals were upsetting. I have seen various violent pictures over the years of zombies or ninjas or other fighting scenes but her art was different.

I’m just going to avoid the girl and family. I’m glad our kids don’t go to the same school.

I think this is the type of girl who will go psycho on some guy one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the plot to We Need to talk about Kevin.

It's also an important chapter in Far From The Tree. Interviews and analysis of Kliebold's (of the Columbine shooting) parents and other parents of kids who've done horrific things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the plot to We Need to talk about Kevin.

This was such a horrible, poorly written book. People speak of it as if it's a true portrayal of a poorly understood psychological condition. It is just crap.

[Anonymous]

How is the child?

[Anonymous]

My good friend’s teen is a really troubled kid. He is often violent or threatening and constantly in trouble. His behavior is very antisocial. LE has been involved but it’s always just a slap on the wrist. She has been trying since age 5 to get him help and nobody will do anything meaningful. He has a slew of diagnoses but I have come to believe that he just lacks any empathy and it’s not a mental health issue at all. I truly believe she is not the cause of his issues. However, over time it has take a severe toll on her mental health.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the plot to We Need to talk about Kevin.

I almost never had kids because of this book. I worried about it daily while pregnant. My husband convinced me we would be OK, and we are, but I am truly horrified by this idea of normal parents birthing a monster.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Some people are just born bad.

[Anonymous]

We Need to Talk About Kevin.

[Anonymous]

Watch 'The Bad Seed'. Campy but addressed the same issue.

[Anonymous]

My friend has a son like that. He is by far the least likable child I have ever met, and he is only 7! My friend works a lot and her nanny is always grumpy and quiet, so I can’t say I am terribly surprised.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but good parents may not be do good behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the plot to We Need to talk about Kevin.

It's also an important chapter in Far From The Tree. Interviews and analysis of Kliebold's (of the Columbine shooting) parents and other parents of kids who've done horrific things.

Yes! OP, if you are curious about this issue, Far From The Tree is a fantastic book recommendation. Also it's just a great book in general.