When your co-parent lies to your kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why is the co-parent so angry?

Sounds like you dumped them. For no good reason, perhaps?

You write fascinating fiction.

My bet is OP will be too ashamed to say.

Not relevant to how OP should handle this with her kid. Marital issues belong to the couple alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why is the co-parent so angry?

Sounds like you dumped them. For no good reason, perhaps?

You write fascinating fiction.

My bet is OP will be too ashamed to say.

You should be ashamed to be justifying cruelty to a child, on grounds of anger in an adult relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why is the co-parent so angry?

Sounds like you dumped them. For no good reason, perhaps?

You write fascinating fiction.

My bet is OP will be too ashamed to say.

You should be ashamed to be justifying cruelty to a child, on grounds of anger in an adult relationship.

OP blew up the marriage. The cruelty is all theirs.

All the kid wants is two parents and one home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why is the co-parent so angry?

Sounds like you dumped them. For no good reason, perhaps?

You write fascinating fiction.

My bet is OP will be too ashamed to say.

You should be ashamed to be justifying cruelty to a child, on grounds of anger in an adult relationship.

OP blew up the marriage. The cruelty is all theirs.

All the kid wants is two parents and one home.

NP. The OP didn't say anything about why the marriage ended-you are hearing the voices in your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why is the co-parent so angry?

Sounds like you dumped them. For no good reason, perhaps?

You write fascinating fiction.

My bet is OP will be too ashamed to say.

You should be ashamed to be justifying cruelty to a child, on grounds of anger in an adult relationship.

OP blew up the marriage. The cruelty is all theirs.

All the kid wants is two parents and one home.

OP here. You don't know what happened in my marriage. My co-parent's behavior towards my kid isn't a new issue that just arose post separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why is the co-parent so angry?

Sounds like you dumped them. For no good reason, perhaps?

You write fascinating fiction.

My bet is OP will be too ashamed to say.

You should be ashamed to be justifying cruelty to a child, on grounds of anger in an adult relationship.

OP blew up the marriage. The cruelty is all theirs.

All the kid wants is two parents and one home.

OP here. You don't know what happened in my marriage. My co-parent's behavior towards my kid isn't a new issue that just arose post separation.

What happened?

[Anonymous]

You sound obnoxious, OP. “My coparent” if I were your kid I’d roll my eyes and blame you with that language too. 10 seconds ago he/she was literally your spouse so calm down on the “just a random person!” rhetoric. Be an adult and talk to “your coparent.” And start making better life decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound obnoxious, OP. “My coparent” if I were your kid I’d roll my eyes and blame you with that language too. 10 seconds ago he/she was literally your spouse so calm down on the “just a random person!” rhetoric. Be an adult and talk to “your coparent.” And start making better life decisions.

I think you are the one who needs to calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be enough for me to get lawyers involved tbh.

We are in the very beginning stages, and lawyers are involved, but how does a lawyer stop this?

My guess is that if the custody order said "parent may not discuss alimony and child support" then co-parent will tell the kid "don't tell (me), but . . . " and that'll just be worse for the kid.

There are disparagement clauses in every MSA boilerplate and judges take that very seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should definitely talk to the lawyer a shave them out in the divorce papers that neither parent can talk badly about the other. That’s almost standard. With your child, you tell them the absolute truth. “What dad said is not accurate. I absolutely did not stop him from seeing you.”

It sounds like OP is dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be enough for me to get lawyers involved tbh.

We are in the very beginning stages, and lawyers are involved, but how does a lawyer stop this?

My guess is that if the custody order said "parent may not discuss alimony and child support" then co-parent will tell the kid "don't tell (me), but . . . " and that'll just be worse for the kid.

There are disparagement clauses in every MSA boilerplate and judges take that very seriously.

What consequences does a judge have in this situation? I don’t think they would mind losing parenting time, and my understanding is that finances and custody are separate. Plus without making my kid testify how do I prove anything? All they have to do is to stop putting it on writing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be enough for me to get lawyers involved tbh.

We are in the very beginning stages, and lawyers are involved, but how does a lawyer stop this?

My guess is that if the custody order said "parent may not discuss alimony and child support" then co-parent will tell the kid "don't tell (me), but . . . " and that'll just be worse for the kid.

There are disparagement clauses in every MSA boilerplate and judges take that very seriously.

What consequences does a judge have in this situation? I don’t think they would mind losing parenting time, and my understanding is that finances and custody are separate. Plus without making my kid testify how do I prove anything? All they have to do is to stop putting it on writing.

Child support is based off custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be enough for me to get lawyers involved tbh.

We are in the very beginning stages, and lawyers are involved, but how does a lawyer stop this?

My guess is that if the custody order said "parent may not discuss alimony and child support" then co-parent will tell the kid "don't tell (me), but . . . " and that'll just be worse for the kid.

There are disparagement clauses in every MSA boilerplate and judges take that very seriously.

What consequences does a judge have in this situation? I don’t think they would mind losing parenting time, and my understanding is that finances and custody are separate. Plus without making my kid testify how do I prove anything? All they have to do is to stop putting it on writing.

Child support is based off custody.

Yes, but right now they have 1 overnight night a week, which so far kid has spent with grandparents.

I don't actually want to take that away, because I think that keeping that connection with grandparents is good, and kid loves to go there and play with cousins.

So, I don't see child support changing much.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to be honest with your kid. It is NOT helpful for the kid to be taught to demonize you, and it will severely impact your ability to be a trusted guide of your child during the teenage years you are about to enter.

You already know your spouse is NOT going to be a helpful emotion coach or support for your child. So in your child's best interest, do not undermine yourself by surrendering to lies.

I would try to use as neutral a tone as possible and correct any falsehoods in a simple but factual way:

"That is not accurate. Your mom/dad was offered 50% but preferred a different arrangement. The current agreement is their request."

"That is simply not true. Anytime (ex) needs time for a job search, I happily offer other visitation time for you. If your parent can't make Thursdays, I'm open to switching when they need flexibility for their job search. We can meet together if you would like, to hammer this out.

[Anonymous]

My dad used to say dumb shit like that. After a while it was clear to me what was what. My mother didn’t need to correct his lies. I challenged and questioned him when it became apparent he didn’t pick me up because he didn’t plan to or didn’t call when he said he would. So after a while he stopped telling those lies about my mother and started blaming me when we didn’t speak or see each other over months. Always someone else’s fault besides his.