Going out to eat with Size Zero friends..when you are not Size Zero..

[Anonymous]

I tend to write things like “Good Lord” because that’s legitimately how I speak. It doesn’t mean that I am shocked to my core but does express some surprise. Let’s let people write what they want without anyone trying to shame them. And by that, I mean telling them that they are being coy and must be thinking at all times exactly what you’ve decided all women are constantly pondering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to write things like “Good Lord” because that’s legitimately how I speak. It doesn’t mean that I am shocked to my core but does express some surprise. Let’s let people write what they want without anyone trying to shame them. And by that, I mean telling them that they are being coy and must be thinking at all times exactly what you’ve decided all women are constantly pondering.

Show me where I said “all.”

[Anonymous]

If I wasn't comfortable, they wouldn't be my friends.

[Anonymous]

Lucky for me, my tiny friend is a foodie and can put away a surprising amount of food. When we go out to eat, we generally order for the table, and share everything, including dessert. I’m not friends with anyone of any size that just eats salads, or makes a meal out of appetizers.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a size zero and it never would occur to me to even pay attention to what someone else ordered. Now at a much larger size, I just order whatever I want. If they’re going to judge me then they aren’t my real friend.

[Anonymous]

I'm a petite person, but a.) I eat whatever I want at a restaurant and b.) I really hope my friends do, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Can we please stop with the “good lord” and “I don’t understand why” and “well *I* nevers” on this thread?

We all know why OP is asking, even if we don’t personally experience this exact insecurity, no matter what size we are. It’s not like this is such a shocking premise. Come on. Body image and comparing oneself to other women and knowing full well that other women do, indeed, judge bodies and eating habits leads to OP’s question. Look no further than this very forum to see how harshly some people clearly observe, speculate and judge others, from “pasta Alfredo, never make THAT” in a current thread to the countless threads on “Midwesterners and their eating habits.”

Just stop with the faux shock. Even if you personally don’t experience what OP is talking about, don’t act like you don’t get where it is coming from. I’ve seen multiple threads on DCUM where people notice and speculate about others’ eating habits at restaurants, so why would OP and her friends be any different?

Speak for yourself. I don’t understand the thought process in the question. It’s incredibly bizarre.

What’s it like living under a rock, or having zero empathy? If you don’t get that lots of women struggle with their weight and their body image, and it affects their choices and thinking daily, you must have never taken a single health or psychology or sociology class, or read a single book or magazine article on any of those subjects.

I don’t understand what any of this has to do with deciding what to eat when dining out in a restaurant with others.

I am also secure and confident enough that I have never given a hoot what others think. Like literally, I don’t care what they’re thinking about. Like you. Your thoughts aren’t relevant or valid in any way. So 🤷‍♀️.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Can we please stop with the “good lord” and “I don’t understand why” and “well *I* nevers” on this thread?

We all know why OP is asking, even if we don’t personally experience this exact insecurity, no matter what size we are. It’s not like this is such a shocking premise. Come on. Body image and comparing oneself to other women and knowing full well that other women do, indeed, judge bodies and eating habits leads to OP’s question. Look no further than this very forum to see how harshly some people clearly observe, speculate and judge others, from “pasta Alfredo, never make THAT” in a current thread to the countless threads on “Midwesterners and their eating habits.”

Just stop with the faux shock. Even if you personally don’t experience what OP is talking about, don’t act like you don’t get where it is coming from. I’ve seen multiple threads on DCUM where people notice and speculate about others’ eating habits at restaurants, so why would OP and her friends be any different?

Nice thanks for understanding.

[Anonymous]

I eat whatever the he11 I want. I’m not 12 and don’t care what other people think. I’m a size 4 and eat a lot.

Why are you hanging out with people who you think might judge you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a size zero (genetics) and I don't give two hoots about what my friends eat when we go out together. Get what you want!

You have won the genetics lottery. If I do not stick to consuming no more than 1200 calories/ day, within the 8 hour period per day, my size 14 frame will become a size 20 in a matter of months. I am glad you don’t care what others order but I do get all types of “advice ” from my slim friends when eating out. It’s frustrating but I just go along and let them order for me.

If someone is commenting on and, indeed, dictating what you should eat, you deserve better friends.

I’m slim, but exercise a ton and eat a lot. One of the most awkward meals I’ve ever sat through was with a visitor who ordered a teeny tiny side salad while everyone else ordered normal meals. It couldn’t possibly have been enough to be satisfying, and I felt bad that she was so self-conscious. She was neither ill nor picky, and I’m sure it was out of fear of being judged. That was 20+ years ago, and I still wonder if there was anything that could have been said to make her feel more at ease without making a huge deal out of it all.

[Anonymous]

Presumably you guys are all friends so...true friends wouldn't care what you (or others) are ordering or judge you.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you think they’re judging you for this, you should be reconsidering your friend group, not your order.

[Anonymous]

I don't care when I'm out with peers, friends, other couples. With my MIL, I am totally self-conscious about what I order, how much I eat, how fast I eat it. This is because she is a judgy, non-eating, weight-obsessed nutjob with a one-track mind. She has made her weight her singular accomplishment and focus in life and almost her only topic of conversation or comment. It's very stressful, yet incredibly boring, to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care when I'm out with peers, friends, other couples. With my MIL, I am totally self-conscious about what I order, how much I eat, how fast I eat it. This is because she is a judgy, non-eating, weight-obsessed nutjob with a one-track mind. She has made her weight her singular accomplishment and focus in life and almost her only topic of conversation or comment. It's very stressful, yet incredibly boring, to be around.

Hopefully, she does not live in the same city as you? Does she judge your weight?

[Anonymous]

I shudder to think people's friends comment on what they do/don't order - regardless of size.
I order what looks good, sometimes I order with leftovers in mind, sometimes I don't.
My only rule is I don't order more alcohol than others.