Keeping a “secret” from the Father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Hope daughter has a secret that despite what dear old dad believes she will make her own decisions regarding her body and her sex life. And if dad wants to play games with finances let him. As the daughter of a single mother with custody she'll be eligible for all kinds of assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in favor of the HPV vaccine (my daughter got it) but I don’t agree with your approach here. How would you like it if her father made a medical decision about her without telling you? Is there no way to have a rational decision with him on this? Or have her advocate for herself with him? Telling him that her doctor recommended it and she wants it.

FWIW - I think her father’s attitude towards sex is ridiculous. Even if she waits until she meets her spouse…no guarantee the spouse will have waited and she could still be at risk without the vaccine!!!

He doesn't have custody. There must be a reason. My kids' dad doesn't have custody. He doesn't have custody because a judge decided that his behavior towards his kids, and towards me when we tried to negotiate things, demonstrated that he couldn't be trusted to make decisions safely and in the best interest of the kids. So, now I get to make the decisions. OP is in the same situation. Either he has shown that he can't be trusted to make decisions appropriately, or he hasn't shown interest in being able to make decisions. In either situation it's totally appropriate for OP to decide herself.

OP, I don't think keeping things from a custodial parent is a good idea. But he's not. So, I think it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Do you have legal custody (sole decision making ability) or just physical custody. If the latter only, it was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Many divorced couples still have joint legal custody, but one parent may have full physical custody. Joint legal custody means they have to make medical decisions together. My guess is parents with full physical custody don’t always share little medical things such as vaccines or well checks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Love it when parents think like you. The moment they disagree with something, pull that college fund. That will show them.

Set them up for a life of hardship over a harmless vaccine, or a tattoo, or a boyfriend. Good lord.

The issue is bigger. If you are cutting out Dad, Dad can cut you out.

Sure! Neglect their health AND their education. I forsee a wonderful relationship with his adult children in the future.

Which the child and Mother caused.

NP. You have the emotional maturity of a toddler. I hope you don't have any kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Love it when parents think like you. The moment they disagree with something, pull that college fund. That will show them.

Set them up for a life of hardship over a harmless vaccine, or a tattoo, or a boyfriend. Good lord.

The issue is bigger. If you are cutting out Dad, Dad can cut you out.

Sure! Neglect their health AND their education. I forsee a wonderful relationship with his adult children in the future.

Which the child and Mother caused.

NP. You have the emotional maturity of a toddler. I hope you don't have any kids.

Interesting perspective; I had not thought of that. NP, BTW.

PP, perhaps you should take a look in the mirror and consider your own lack of emotional maturity. I will leave your offspring out of this, as you should have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Let’s be real…no custody, anti vaxxer dad probably a) doesn’t believe in education; and b) doesn’t have two nickels to rub together.

[Anonymous]

I fall in the camp of no need to share, but also no need to keep it a secret. But at the same time, inform, inform, inform your daughter as to the benefits of the HPV vaccine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Hoping the custody agreement spells this out so he can't. Many of them do.

Is college tuition layaway part of child support? Or just on custodial parent to manage the overall budget?

[Anonymous]

If by custody, you meant legal custody and not just physical custody, then you are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any time someone gets their information from Facebook they lose the right to have an opinion.

yes!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Let’s be real…no custody, anti vaxxer dad probably a) doesn’t believe in education; and b) doesn’t have two nickels to rub together.

LOL true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Hoping the custody agreement spells this out so he can't. Many of them do.

Is college tuition layaway part of child support? Or just on custodial parent to manage the overall budget?

It's not at all uncommon for child support agreement to include requirement that a parent pay for some portion of college (up to and including all of it). Not a "layaway" but a continued obligation to pay that is legally enforceable.

[Anonymous]

I don't like the idea of keeping secrets. She has gotten the vaccine, and if ex doesn't like it too bad -- it's legit healthcare and any objections based on fear of sexual activity are misogynistic and antiquated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it’s not wrong to protect your child from the wrath of her abusive controlling father

Where did OP say abusive and controlling? Incredibly ignorant, yes.