Keeping a “secret” from the Father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Love it when parents think like you. The moment they disagree with something, pull that college fund. That will show them.

Set them up for a life of hardship over a harmless vaccine, or a tattoo, or a boyfriend. Good lord.

The issue is bigger. If you are cutting out Dad, Dad can cut you out.

[Anonymous]

I never involved him in their vaccination schedule and he never asked. There’s misinformation out there on every vaccine. He doesn’t need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Love it when parents think like you. The moment they disagree with something, pull that college fund. That will show them.

Set them up for a life of hardship over a harmless vaccine, or a tattoo, or a boyfriend. Good lord.

The issue is bigger. If you are cutting out Dad, Dad can cut you out.

Sure! Neglect their health AND their education. I forsee a wonderful relationship with his adult children in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Love it when parents think like you. The moment they disagree with something, pull that college fund. That will show them.

Set them up for a life of hardship over a harmless vaccine, or a tattoo, or a boyfriend. Good lord.

The issue is bigger. If you are cutting out Dad, Dad can cut you out.

Sure! Neglect their health AND their education. I forsee a wonderful relationship with his adult children in the future.

Which the child and Mother caused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Love it when parents think like you. The moment they disagree with something, pull that college fund. That will show them.

Set them up for a life of hardship over a harmless vaccine, or a tattoo, or a boyfriend. Good lord.

The issue is bigger. If you are cutting out Dad, Dad can cut you out.

Sure! Neglect their health AND their education. I forsee a wonderful relationship with his adult children in the future.

Which the child and Mother caused.

Nice try but not even close. The father decided to be an uninformed moron AND to cut off the child because of pure pettiness. Grow the hell up.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing OP

Not sure why it’s his business if you have custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. People used to keep secrets all the time. Sometimes it’s valuable to do so.

DD has confided many of her friend’s secrets; we keep them from the parents.

Why should parents know things about their kids? Kids have rights too.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what state you are in, but I’m in Oregon now and at 15 they can legally get a vaccine without parent consent and at 13 have medical privacy for birth control. I think at 15 it’s full medical privacy. So as long as it was her choice, I don’t see the issue.

I confess that I have kept a few similar things from my (somewhat estranged) husband. Adhd meds for my middle schooler and when my 15 yo went on birth control. He is completely irrational about this stuff. He doesn’t engage in their lives much but wants to control their bodies in that way without caring how they feel about it or what a doctor recommends. It’s easier to go around him than try to engage reasonably.

If they were younger I’d feel more guilty but teenagers no….

[Anonymous]

It’s fine. My husband couldn’t tell you which vaccines our kid had or or to find out when they had them. He wouldn’t care but has no idea I took our kid last week for an HPV shot. If you live in VA, the age of consent for medical is 14 anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have custody. You made a decision with your child and her pediatrician. End of story. *If* *she* wants to tell him, she may do so. But you owe him zero information, as you have custody.

This.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is “custody” in your case? Sole custody? You have the unilateral right to make all decisions on behalf of your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly is “custody” in your case? Sole custody? You have the unilateral right to make all decisions on behalf of your daughter?

Not OP, but I have full legal custody which means I get to make decisions such as this for my child.

[Anonymous]

I have legal custody but I never would ask my child to withhold information unless it put them in harms way. I communicate all medical decisions to the father even if I get to decide. It is their child after all. That said if we can’t come to an agreement, I make the decision and he remains fully informed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hoping Dad has a secret that he is removing all financial college assistance to daughter at last minute.

Why do you hope this? What kind of horrible person are you? Were you raised wrong or something?

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine. When you are forced to interact with unreasonable people who have the power to hurt you or your kids, sometimes it's simpler to lie or omit certain facts.