Boyfriend is Cheap!!!

[Anonymous]

Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds shallow and materialistic

Actually it sounds to me like middle aged divorced man has decided he is not going to spend a lot on his dating life and is just using OP for sex while spending as little as possible to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run.

Exactly. He needs to find a better partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not compatible and you should move on.

This. He isn’t wrong and neither are you - you just aren’t compatible.

[Anonymous]

I hate cheap. I do not/will not date cheap men. My parents were cheap to the point of it being a mental illness.

I have broken up with men over cheapness. They were professionals and made a very good living. They made 2-3 times what I make.

Maybe if you did not grow up with it you do not understand it.

[Anonymous]

Taking you girlfriend out to Chipotle and calling it dinner is gross. Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is quite frugal. But he has plenty of money to spend on quality when he does want something new or nice. One way to determine your BF’s level of cheapness is for you to plan and pay for something nice to do together. Kind of frivolous. Like a dinner cruise on the Potomac, hot air balloon ride, tickets to a play. Observe how he behaves. Is he able to enjoy it, participate fully without complaining or speaking about the cost or how it’s a waste of money? If yes, then there is hope, if not, then that is how he is hard wired and dating him and moving through life will not be as enjoyable as you would probably like. Whatever the outcome, it’s money well spent.

FWIW, many people like this have a lot of money saved/invested and it can be hard to understand why they are so tight-fisted. A lot of times, they experienced some hard stuff money wise and they over compensate once they have the means to do so.

Good luck figuring it out.

OP here. I did this once and he complained about the prices, but did say he enjoyed it. I'll try one more time.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with having this guy as a casual friend. Not for sex. As a potential mate? I agree: run!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is quite frugal. But he has plenty of money to spend on quality when he does want something new or nice. One way to determine your BF’s level of cheapness is for you to plan and pay for something nice to do together. Kind of frivolous. Like a dinner cruise on the Potomac, hot air balloon ride, tickets to a play. Observe how he behaves. Is he able to enjoy it, participate fully without complaining or speaking about the cost or how it’s a waste of money? If yes, then there is hope, if not, then that is how he is hard wired and dating him and moving through life will not be as enjoyable as you would probably like. Whatever the outcome, it’s money well spent.

FWIW, many people like this have a lot of money saved/invested and it can be hard to understand why they are so tight-fisted. A lot of times, they experienced some hard stuff money wise and they over compensate once they have the means to do so.

Good luck figuring it out.

OP here. I did this once and he complained about the prices, but did say he enjoyed it. I'll try one more time.

You sound desperate, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

It sounds like you are doing what he wants to do -- save money by only eating out at places like Chipotle, and by doing free activities. But he isn't ever doing what you want to do -- which is to occasionally do some nicer things that cost money. You are being subsumed into his lifestyle instead of there being a compromise. That is no way to live in partnership, by doing things one person's way all the time. Add that to the fact that cheapness usually = control, and you have more than a red flag.

I'd break up with him. But I'd be okay with being alone.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking you girlfriend out to Chipotle and calling it dinner is gross. Run.

Taking you out would be gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is quite frugal. But he has plenty of money to spend on quality when he does want something new or nice. One way to determine your BF’s level of cheapness is for you to plan and pay for something nice to do together. Kind of frivolous. Like a dinner cruise on the Potomac, hot air balloon ride, tickets to a play. Observe how he behaves. Is he able to enjoy it, participate fully without complaining or speaking about the cost or how it’s a waste of money? If yes, then there is hope, if not, then that is how he is hard wired and dating him and moving through life will not be as enjoyable as you would probably like. Whatever the outcome, it’s money well spent.

FWIW, many people like this have a lot of money saved/invested and it can be hard to understand why they are so tight-fisted. A lot of times, they experienced some hard stuff money wise and they over compensate once they have the means to do so.

Good luck figuring it out.

OP here. I did this once and he complained about the prices, but did say he enjoyed it. I'll try one more time.

You sound desperate, OP.

OP here. I’m not desperate. I’ve dated plenty of well off men who’ve been generous, but they also had other serious flaws. My current boyfriend while not generous with money IS generous with his time, affection, acts of service and words. So I’m giving it thought before just bailing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. I did this once and he complained about the prices, but did say he enjoyed it. I'll try one more time.

Sounds like you know the answer to this one.

That's what dating's for, to see if you're compatible. Time to say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you suggest something expensive what does he say? Like if you suggested a show?

OP here. He’d say something like “Let’s not do that, it’s expensive. Let’s go to Chipotle instead.”
Sometimes when I want to do more expensive things I treat. But he NEVER takes me to anything that’s more than $15.

This is how he can afford multiple houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is quite frugal. But he has plenty of money to spend on quality when he does want something new or nice. One way to determine your BF’s level of cheapness is for you to plan and pay for something nice to do together. Kind of frivolous. Like a dinner cruise on the Potomac, hot air balloon ride, tickets to a play. Observe how he behaves. Is he able to enjoy it, participate fully without complaining or speaking about the cost or how it’s a waste of money? If yes, then there is hope, if not, then that is how he is hard wired and dating him and moving through life will not be as enjoyable as you would probably like. Whatever the outcome, it’s money well spent.

FWIW, many people like this have a lot of money saved/invested and it can be hard to understand why they are so tight-fisted. A lot of times, they experienced some hard stuff money wise and they over compensate once they have the means to do so.

Good luck figuring it out.

OP here. I did this once and he complained about the prices, but did say he enjoyed it. I'll try one more time.

You sound desperate, OP.

OP here. I’m not desperate. I’ve dated plenty of well off men who’ve been generous, but they also had other serious flaws. My current boyfriend while not generous with money IS generous with his time, affection, acts of service and words. So I’m giving it thought before just bailing.

In this age range, you’re going to have to settle on some things. There’s no attractive, smart, kind, monogamous man w/ no red flags on a white horse looking for you