Boyfriend is Cheap!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you suggest something expensive what does he say? Like if you suggested a show?

OP here. He’d say something like “Let’s not do that, it’s expensive. Let’s go to Chipotle instead.”
Sometimes when I want to do more expensive things I treat. But he NEVER takes me to anything that’s more than $15.

So why don't you take him out, then?

she can’t always treat him. it’s goes deeper than dinners out. what if she wants to go on a vacation? buy a couch that isn’t from off the curb? there may be too much of a gap in their lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you don’t like him then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not cheap. You need to get more information. What does his house/apartment look like? Would he refuse to do something that costs money like the movies or a dinner out? Are his clothes ok?

OP here. He is cheap, but not out of necessity. He earns pretty good money. He has multiple houses. His main house is large, but he refuses to furnish it because he’s cheap. He grabs free furniture off the curb. If it’s not free he doesn’t own it.He refuses to do things that cost more than $15, and when do things that are less than that he still complains about the cost. His clothes are presentable.

He’s probably overextended and up to his hairline in debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

It sounds like you are doing what he wants to do -- save money by only eating out at places like Chipotle, and by doing free activities. But he isn't ever doing what you want to do -- which is to occasionally do some nicer things that cost money. You are being subsumed into his lifestyle instead of there being a compromise. That is no way to live in partnership, by doing things one person's way all the time. Add that to the fact that cheapness usually = control, and you have more than a red flag.

I'd break up with him. But I'd be okay with being alone.

[Anonymous]

Op sounds shallow and materialistic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not cheap. You need to get more information. What does his house/apartment look like? Would he refuse to do something that costs money like the movies or a dinner out? Are his clothes ok?

OP here. He is cheap, but not out of necessity. He earns pretty good money. He has multiple houses. His main house is large, but he refuses to furnish it because he’s cheap. He grabs free furniture off the curb. If it’s not free he doesn’t own it.He refuses to do things that cost more than $15, and when do things that are less than that he still complains about the cost. His clothes are presentable.

The question is if he can compromise. If you say “I want to go to a show for my birthday” would he do it? Go on a trip? Buy a nicer mattress for your sleepovers?

+1 See how he responds to something like this. Six months isn’t a long time, really. If you like him enough you may learn to live with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds shallow and materialistic

+1

That is what I am thinking. Reminds me of my SIL that buys new furniture every few years. What a waste!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

It sounds like you are doing what he wants to do -- save money by only eating out at places like Chipotle, and by doing free activities. But he isn't ever doing what you want to do -- which is to occasionally do some nicer things that cost money. You are being subsumed into his lifestyle instead of there being a compromise. That is no way to live in partnership, by doing things one person's way all the time. Add that to the fact that cheapness usually = control, and you have more than a red flag.

I'd break up with him. But I'd be okay with being alone.

This is the real trouble. My husband is cheap, but he can compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds shallow and materialistic

Oh, come one. This guy won't even furnish his house with furniture that came from anywhere but set out on a curb as garbage. That's an issue. It doesn't make her shallow and materialistic to be concerned about this.

[Anonymous]

Values mismatch. Simple as that.

Compromise or split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nooooo don't do it! The marriages that I have seen with a cheap spouse (in the cases I know, usually the DH) it's NEVER good - and the financial control can extend to other things. Run!!!

This is the right answer. OP, you know the difference between appreciating frugality and a red flag. Your gut is telling you something, so trust it. This doesn't get better, just more controlling.

[Anonymous]

You're not compatible and you should move on.

[Anonymous]

My DH is quite frugal. But he has plenty of money to spend on quality when he does want something new or nice. One way to determine your BF’s level of cheapness is for you to plan and pay for something nice to do together. Kind of frivolous. Like a dinner cruise on the Potomac, hot air balloon ride, tickets to a play. Observe how he behaves. Is he able to enjoy it, participate fully without complaining or speaking about the cost or how it’s a waste of money? If yes, then there is hope, if not, then that is how he is hard wired and dating him and moving through life will not be as enjoyable as you would probably like. Whatever the outcome, it’s money well spent.

FWIW, many people like this have a lot of money saved/invested and it can be hard to understand why they are so tight-fisted. A lot of times, they experienced some hard stuff money wise and they over compensate once they have the means to do so.

Good luck figuring it out.

[Anonymous]

LOL! This man probably has more money squirreled away than you know because he is practical.

OP, go ahead and break up with him. You know you want to. Go on the hunt for your "one percent man" who looks right past you to the young 20soemthing who has no marital baggage, and no demands.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

He like saving money. He gets kick out of it. He is not for you. He needs to fins a lady just like him.