Boyfriend is Cheap!!!

[Anonymous]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

[Anonymous]

Nooooo don't do it! The marriages that I have seen with a cheap spouse (in the cases I know, usually the DH) it's NEVER good - and the financial control can extend to other things. Run!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

You didn’t do an exceptional job of painting a picture here, OP. My father was saving slivers of soap, buying dented cans and expired foods, refusing to replace tattered linens, never running the AC cheap- and not out of financial necessity. Try again, hiking, museums and Chipotle not enough to indict him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

What do you chip in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

What do you chip in?

+1

Where do you think you have to go for dinner, OP?

[Anonymous]

That’s not cheap. You need to get more information. What does his house/apartment look like? Would he refuse to do something that costs money like the movies or a dinner out? Are his clothes ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not cheap. You need to get more information. What does his house/apartment look like? Would he refuse to do something that costs money like the movies or a dinner out? Are his clothes ok?

OP here. He is cheap, but not out of necessity. He earns pretty good money. He has multiple houses. His main house is large, but he refuses to furnish it because he’s cheap. He grabs free furniture off the curb. If it’s not free he doesn’t own it.He refuses to do things that cost more than $15, and when do things that are less than that he still complains about the cost. His clothes are presentable.

[Anonymous]

Cheap is about spending relative to income. What does he earn, OP? If he earns a decent salary but will only take you to Chipotle yeah he’s cheap. If he doesn’t earn much and those are his options, he’s just appropriately frugal.

[Anonymous]

If you want to do more expensive things, you should pay.

[Anonymous]

So if you suggest something expensive what does he say? Like if you suggested a show?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to do more expensive things, you should pay.

This is the answer, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if you suggest something expensive what does he say? Like if you suggested a show?

OP here. He’d say something like “Let’s not do that, it’s expensive. Let’s go to Chipotle instead.”
Sometimes when I want to do more expensive things I treat. But he NEVER takes me to anything that’s more than $15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you suggest something expensive what does he say? Like if you suggested a show?

OP here. He’d say something like “Let’s not do that, it’s expensive. Let’s go to Chipotle instead.”
Sometimes when I want to do more expensive things I treat. But he NEVER takes me to anything that’s more than $15.

So why don't you take him out, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We are both middle aged and divorced. He is a kind and hardworking man and very smart. We have a great time together. He is also INSANELY cheap. We always go on cheap dates (think Chipotle) and do a lot of free stuff hiking museums, etc. I enjoy these low cost things but I also want to do nice stuff sometimes. This is the only issueI have with him. Would you break up over this? The middle aged dating market has been a nightmare, and I do like his company. the idea of eventually marrying someone who is super cheap makes me nervous.

Is he paying a ton of child support and alimony? Men get hosed by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s not cheap. You need to get more information. What does his house/apartment look like? Would he refuse to do something that costs money like the movies or a dinner out? Are his clothes ok?

OP here. He is cheap, but not out of necessity. He earns pretty good money. He has multiple houses. His main house is large, but he refuses to furnish it because he’s cheap. He grabs free furniture off the curb. If it’s not free he doesn’t own it.He refuses to do things that cost more than $15, and when do things that are less than that he still complains about the cost. His clothes are presentable.

The question is if he can compromise. If you say “I want to go to a show for my birthday” would he do it? Go on a trip? Buy a nicer mattress for your sleepovers?