Anyone's kid doing nothing to prep for college move?

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted to jump in and say I think you're doing the right thing by letting him deal. He's got sheets, he's got a dorm, if he wants to scramble at the last minute, he can do so. Much better life lesson to learn at 18 than at 25. You're a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to jump in and say I think you're doing the right thing by letting him deal. He's got sheets, he's got a dorm, if he wants to scramble at the last minute, he can do so. Much better life lesson to learn at 18 than at 25. You're a good parent.

Except for the move in date. His parents need to drive him and possibly make hotel arrangements. Just one morning as everyone’s headed out the door to work this kid says “move in is today and I need you to drive me 4 hours away.” Hell no. He needs to get his shit together and give his parents the dates.

[Anonymous]

np here. Move-in time will be when he's ready to leave. He may disregard the official move-in window. He will be packing the AM of leaving, or late the night before after getting in very late since it's his last night w/friends. Or maybe he'll pull an all nighter and be up all night!

[Anonymous]

The college said not to have important stuff shipped there. Kids will be waiting in a long line for their stuff and then will need to make multiple trips back and forth to their dorm to get it all there.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster who shipped - but we didn't ship to the university.

[Anonymous]

It is a very scary time for them. My boy did nothing to prepare, I bought most of what he needed.

[Anonymous]

Woman here and I was like your son. My mom wanted me to be all into it and I just didn’t care. I was not excited to decorate half of a tiny room and really didn’t care about sheets and a comforter. I certainly didn’t want decorations. She bought them and a bunch of toiletries. I was happy to go to college but didn’t see the hype over dorm room shopping. It was different a couple years later when my roommates and I were getting stuff for our off campus apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.

Yes, this is what I don't really get. What do we really need to do? My kid is going north so I think we need a better winter coat but other than that I'm really not sure other than the basics. I don't have Xlong twin sheets but other than that what is there to buy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to jump in and say I think you're doing the right thing by letting him deal. He's got sheets, he's got a dorm, if he wants to scramble at the last minute, he can do so. Much better life lesson to learn at 18 than at 25. You're a good parent.

+1
I'm telling myself that I also am doing the right thing, as my son is one week away from move in and in the same boat as yours... and when we tried a Target trip he didn't know to look for sizes, just randomly put socks and underwear into our cart- said "Oh" when I told him to look at the size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.

There is more, most optional, but some items make your time in the dorm more pleasant, like, a fan. And a shower caddy to carry your stuff to the bathroom. And a pillow. And an inexpensive mattress topper (we called them eggshells) so you aren’t just sleeping on a 2” plastic mattress. My kids and I both are not into “extras” and I was surprised at how much we packed/bought for our older when he went to college.

All available on Amazon if he really he wants those things when he gets there.

But why wouldn’t you get them before? Seriously: sheets, pillows, laundry detergent, shower caddy, toiletries — all really important from day 1. Not something you wait and order a few weeks in.

Mom bought the bedding, which is how I worked it with DS last year. Not sure he ever used the shower caddy, I bought that, too. We also went to target on move in day, bought: hangers, power strip, trash liners, detergent. Went to a grocery store before we left town. The rest was on him to pack, and it seemed to happen.

Where my son went to college, the nearest Target (school is in the middle of nowhere) was basically empty of goods during move-in week, and the school asked kids not to ship anything for a month so as not to overwhelm the campus mail. It helps to plan, at least a little!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.

Yes, this is what I don't really get. What do we really need to do? My kid is going north so I think we need a better winter coat but other than that I'm really not sure other than the basics. I don't have Xlong twin sheets but other than that what is there to buy?

Things my son found useful (beyond what is listed above): a bed caddy for his phone; chargers and extension cords; shower caddy and robe; laundry bag/basket. Mine went north for school and really used his winter gear (parka, boots, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to jump in and say I think you're doing the right thing by letting him deal. He's got sheets, he's got a dorm, if he wants to scramble at the last minute, he can do so. Much better life lesson to learn at 18 than at 25. You're a good parent.

Except for the move in date. His parents need to drive him and possibly make hotel arrangements. Just one morning as everyone’s headed out the door to work this kid says “move in is today and I need you to drive me 4 hours away.” Hell no. He needs to get his shit together and give his parents the dates.

Highly unusual. Even kids who want to escape their homes are more organized.

It seems that parents don't care and he does not care. Obviously, this is pattern of behavior and interaction that has continued from childhood. Hope he is not so careless about his academic and professional future in college because God knows parents are not being on top of whatever issues this kid has! Is he a step child? foster kid? non-biological child? refugee? sn kid? broken family? forgotten kid?

[Anonymous]

Failure of parenting if your kid is not organized.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the trolls.

We had this situation with my now junior. He is the type who packs in a rush, morning-of. Still. (Caveat, this is a kid with many issues, incl ADHD, etc.) DH was driving him to move-in; I wasn't even going to be there for the last-minute Target runs. It was fine. I bought what I wanted him to have and we sent plenty via amazon over the past two years as he discovered he needed things.

His school is far away and we have had him handle the move-out by himself, getting everything to storage and getting himself to the airport in a short timeframe. Everything takes longer than he thinks it will. Always. He did miss a flight last time, and he did acknowledge that it took much longer than he thought. We shall see if he has learned anything.

There is something about the passage of time that he has long struggled with. When I mention it, like "you're gonna be late!" or similar, he then moves even slower. This is somehow part of his anxiety issues. (Oh, and doesn't like to be told what to do.)

I don't know your kid and how best to handle it. If it's possible that he simply isn't aware, I might suggest to him, "for a big move like this, packing up takes time to do it right." Other than that, you've got the sheets and can amazon everything else (oh, one thing I ended up sending was a fan, which, if his dorm doesn't have A/C, may be worth getting at your local Costco if they still have it in stock - I saw it the other day - the WooZoo). Or perhaps he's probably processing things internally. Some people are just like that, even though it's stressful for you to watch.

Good luck! This too shall pass

[Anonymous]

In college, we benefitted a lot from peers. Need a hammer? Guy down the hall has one. Some girls brought sewing kits. Need something, you bond.