Anyone's kid doing nothing to prep for college move?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to jump in and say I think you're doing the right thing by letting him deal. He's got sheets, he's got a dorm, if he wants to scramble at the last minute, he can do so. Much better life lesson to learn at 18 than at 25. You're a good parent.


+1
I'm telling myself that I also am doing the right thing, as my son is one week away from move in and in the same boat as yours... and when we tried a Target trip he didn't know to look for sizes, just randomly put socks and underwear into our cart- said "Oh" when I told him to look at the size.


My god, how badly have you coddled your child that they don’t know underwear and socks come in different sizes?
Anonymous
Also, parents of young women going off to college.. these young men are what the dating pool will be made of. YIKES! Grateful to my MIL for raising a man that wasn’t apathetic and lazy.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.


Yes, this is what I don't really get. What do we really need to do? My kid is going north so I think we need a better winter coat but other than that I'm really not sure other than the basics. I don't have Xlong twin sheets but other than that what is there to buy?


+1 and if they ever went to sleep away camp, they already have shower caddy, laundry bag, etc.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Also, parents of young women going off to college.. these young men are what the dating pool will be made of. YIKES! Grateful to my MIL for raising a man that wasn’t apathetic and lazy.


It isn't apathy or laziness to realize you don't need a car load of miscellaneous, unnecessary stuff.
Anonymous
OP - here. Thanks for all the helpful comments. But, some of you...yikes.


Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP - here. Thanks for all the helpful comments. But, some of you...yikes.




Sorry woman, you raised a dud of a son.
Anonymous
get off DCUM pp
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - here. Thanks for all the helpful comments. But, some of you...yikes.




Sorry woman, you raised a dud of a son.


OP here - good luck to you and your family. I can't imagine being so certain of a damning judgement of another person (well, I guess it's two people) that you essentially know nothing about other than a few online posts that gave minimal tidbits of information. But you do you.
Anonymous
you must have a boy. typical.
Anonymous
OP, I hope your son has a wonderful, successful and happy year at college! Best wishes to him
Anonymous
We're two weeks from move in and DD finally is ready to start figuring out what she needs. Just got her roommate and dorm assignment this week which I think made it all more real. Also up to now it's been a busy summer with time away working at sleepaway camp and then a family trip.

She's my 2nd and I'm much more relaxed about it this time. I know she really doesn't need much.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine is all over it.
(OP here) As in - "totally into it"? I feel like most are....


OP: Do you have a son? I don't mean to generalize, but my son could not have cared less his first year, and still doesn't as he leaves soon for junior year. My DD, on the other hand, ha been shopping up a storm and planning out her room with her roommate. She is very into it. I wouldn't worry if they're not. Some really just don't care. Personally, I'd take a middle ground.


Yes - son (and I agree with the generalization). Other than sheets, I'm on the sidelines. We have offered, so he can still accept in the next week. Currently has just computer, sheets. He will be very low on clothes (in general, but also grew since last winter) and have no shower or school supplies. It will be a very empty room that maybe the roommate can appreciate?!! Also don't know if they even contacted their roommate - crickets on that too . We just know school said freshmen roommates are all assigned from a school run parent session.



Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also, parents of young women going off to college.. these young men are what the dating pool will be made of. YIKES! Grateful to my MIL for raising a man that wasn’t apathetic and lazy.


It isn't apathy or laziness to realize you don't need a car load of miscellaneous, unnecessary stuff.


Yeah, pretty sure the boys don't want the gold diggers that think excessive stuff is the answer.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - here. Thanks for all the helpful comments. But, some of you...yikes.




Sorry woman, you raised a dud of a son.


OP here - good luck to you and your family. I can't imagine being so certain of a damning judgement of another person (well, I guess it's two people) that you essentially know nothing about other than a few online posts that gave minimal tidbits of information. But you do you.


+1

PP is rotten to the core, OP. Ignore that noise.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine rebukes any conversation/offer about getting stuff for the year or the dorm - they leave in a week. Hasn't even let us know about move in window (which we know from school has been assigned but we didn't ask based on other reactions).

Needs essentially everything. I bought sheets but otherwise staying out of it - should be interesting!


I would be really worried. He could just be taking a minimalist approach to packing, which is very smart, or he could have a little mild separation anxiety, but he could also be seriously depressed or just not want to go to college.

Chances are you can still get the tuition money back.

If you have a lot of money, let nature take its course.

If you’re not rich, find the school’s full, partial and medical withdrawal deadlines. I’d tell your son that it’s fine if he takes a minimalist approach to packing, but that college is too expensive for you to gamble on whether he’s going to try to do well in college.

Ask him whether he actually wants to go to college.

If not, talk to him about his plans for doing something else. Tell him about whatever limits there will be on your support.

If he does want to go, ask him for some sign you can use before the various refund deadlines to know that he’s reasonably on track and that it’s worth letting the college keep the tuition money. But be practical. If he tries engineering and can’t cut it, make it clear that you’ll pay for him to major in something he can handle, and that he should use jobs and activities to prepare for work, rather than his major. And, if possible, try to get him into a telecounseling program. See if there’s a way to pay a tutor to support him, help him stay organized and talk to you if something is seriously wrong.

If he just isn’t responsive or isn’t realistic when he responds, tell him that you’re going to proceed as if he has serious health problems and try to arrange for a health-related enrollment referral.

In that case, start by taking him to the doctor for a really good checkup, and look for things like thyroid problems, long COVID and major depression, then ask professionals for their advice.


OP here - thanks for your concern - I get where you are coming from and appreciate your thoughts. But DS absolutely wants to go to college.


This is me you responded. As long as he seems OK with college and generally OK, then there are no worries.

The big concern is about the kid quietly suffering from severe anxiety, major depression or horror that he’s locked into a bad path.

If a happy kid is just a minimalist about moving in, that’s probably more of a good thing than a bad thing.
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