Anyone's kid doing nothing to prep for college move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - here. Thanks for all the helpful comments. But, some of you...yikes.

Sorry woman, you raised a dud of a son.

OP here - good luck to you and your family. I can't imagine being so certain of a damning judgement of another person (well, I guess it's two people) that you essentially know nothing about other than a few online posts that gave minimal tidbits of information. But you do you.

+1

PP is rotten to the core, OP. Ignore that noise.

No, this is what #boymom turns into. Little Johnny expecting mommy to take care of everything. I will teach my daughters to avoid kids like OP’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine rebukes any conversation/offer about getting stuff for the year or the dorm - they leave in a week. Hasn't even let us know about move in window (which we know from school has been assigned but we didn't ask based on other reactions).

Needs essentially everything. I bought sheets but otherwise staying out of it - should be interesting!

I would be really worried. He could just be taking a minimalist approach to packing, which is very smart, or he could have a little mild separation anxiety, but he could also be seriously depressed or just not want to go to college.

Chances are you can still get the tuition money back.

If you have a lot of money, let nature take its course.

If you’re not rich, find the school’s full, partial and medical withdrawal deadlines. I’d tell your son that it’s fine if he takes a minimalist approach to packing, but that college is too expensive for you to gamble on whether he’s going to try to do well in college.

Ask him whether he actually wants to go to college.

If not, talk to him about his plans for doing something else. Tell him about whatever limits there will be on your support.

If he does want to go, ask him for some sign you can use before the various refund deadlines to know that he’s reasonably on track and that it’s worth letting the college keep the tuition money. But be practical. If he tries engineering and can’t cut it, make it clear that you’ll pay for him to major in something he can handle, and that he should use jobs and activities to prepare for work, rather than his major. And, if possible, try to get him into a telecounseling program. See if there’s a way to pay a tutor to support him, help him stay organized and talk to you if something is seriously wrong.

If he just isn’t responsive or isn’t realistic when he responds, tell him that you’re going to proceed as if he has serious health problems and try to arrange for a health-related enrollment referral.

In that case, start by taking him to the doctor for a really good checkup, and look for things like thyroid problems, long COVID and major depression, then ask professionals for their advice.

OP here - thanks for your concern - I get where you are coming from and appreciate your thoughts. But DS absolutely wants to go to college.

This is me you responded. As long as he seems OK with college and generally OK, then there are no worries.

The big concern is about the kid quietly suffering from severe anxiety, major depression or horror that he’s locked into a bad path.

If a happy kid is just a minimalist about moving in, that’s probably more of a good thing than a bad thing.

Thanks PP (OP here)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - here. Thanks for all the helpful comments. But, some of you...yikes.

Sorry woman, you raised a dud of a son.

OP here - good luck to you and your family. I can't imagine being so certain of a damning judgement of another person (well, I guess it's two people) that you essentially know nothing about other than a few online posts that gave minimal tidbits of information. But you do you.

+1

PP is rotten to the core, OP. Ignore that noise.

No, this is what #boymom turns into. Little Johnny expecting mommy to take care of everything. I will teach my daughters to avoid kids like OP’s.

OP here - to clarify - DC has zero interest in mommy taking care of anything. You are reading into this with a strangely warped lens.

DC is 100% a minimalist. But I also think (as other PPs have noted) that DC doesn't quite "get" the bare bones of what he'll need at school. Then sprinkle in (his annoyingly ever present) contrary stance.

He's a great judge of character in his friends and girlfriends though, so probably unlikely to hang out with someone like you. (And a great student too.... so I'm not that worried)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, parents of young women going off to college.. these young men are what the dating pool will be made of. YIKES! Grateful to my MIL for raising a man that wasn’t apathetic and lazy.

It isn't apathy or laziness to realize you don't need a car load of miscellaneous, unnecessary stuff.

There seems to be an industry of selling useless dorm room stuff to people. No, you and your roommate don't need matching comforters or whatever. Most 18 year-olds probably already own 90% of what they need to take with them to college.

[Anonymous]

Best Friend, her DD had no zero interest in setting-up a dorm room. Not an indication of readiness for college, that's ridiculous. She has her doctorate now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're two weeks from move in and DD finally is ready to start figuring out what she needs. Just got her roommate and dorm assignment this week which I think made it all more real. Also up to now it's been a busy summer with time away working at sleepaway camp and then a family trip.

She's my 2nd and I'm much more relaxed about it this time. I know she really doesn't need much.

+1. Same here. Daughter at sleep away as counselor. Been busy working hard. Has not focused on the room at all, really. I did tell her to choose a comforter and coordinate color with the new roommate. Roomie wants matching headboard and rug. The school’s environmental club sponsors a thrift fair where kids can buy things that other kids left behind for cheap. It’s a great idea and daughter mentioned it today.

I am basically sending bedding. Mattress topper. Pillows and her clothing. Also shampoo, soap and soap for laundry

No need to make this a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, parents of young women going off to college.. these young men are what the dating pool will be made of. YIKES! Grateful to my MIL for raising a man that wasn’t apathetic and lazy.

It isn't apathy or laziness to realize you don't need a car load of miscellaneous, unnecessary stuff.

There seems to be an industry of selling useless dorm room stuff to people. No, you and your roommate don't need matching comforters or whatever. Most 18 year-olds probably already own 90% of what they need to take with them to college.

Yes. DD’s school is asking kids to try the dorm mattress before buying a “ mattress topper”. They make significant waste at moveout in spring. Just too much junk going into dumpsters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - here. Thanks for all the helpful comments. But, some of you...yikes.

Sorry woman, you raised a dud of a son.

OP here - good luck to you and your family. I can't imagine being so certain of a damning judgement of another person (well, I guess it's two people) that you essentially know nothing about other than a few online posts that gave minimal tidbits of information. But you do you.

+1

PP is rotten to the core, OP. Ignore that noise.

No, this is what #boymom turns into. Little Johnny expecting mommy to take care of everything. I will teach my daughters to avoid kids like OP’s.

OP here - to clarify - DC has zero interest in mommy taking care of anything. You are reading into this with a strangely warped lens.

DC is 100% a minimalist. But I also think (as other PPs have noted) that DC doesn't quite "get" the bare bones of what he'll need at school. Then sprinkle in (his annoyingly ever present) contrary stance.

He's a great judge of character in his friends and girlfriends though, so probably unlikely to hang out with someone like you. (And a great student too.... so I'm not that worried)

+1. He's probably stressed out, but wither doesn't see it or doesn't want to admit it. He's blocking out packing because he knows he's about to make a big change. OP, you might consider buying some things you think he will need and let him choose to take it with him or not (you can always return it).

[Anonymous]

I just went shopping w my son today. He’s excited to start college, but boy, was not thrilled to be shopping. He purchased the essentials and doesn’t seem too stressed about it. I asked if he wanted pictures of family, friends, etc for his desk and as of today said no. I haven’t been in a boy’s dorm room in quite awhile lol, so do boys really not decorate or add personal touches? Maybe he’ll display his favorite sports teams or a picture of his dog, at least something. But I’ll leave him to his own style. Our wallets are appreciating the minimalist approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been decades since I went to college and a few years before we send our kids, but what purchases does a student really need beyond a week's worth of clothes, sheets and a towel, and a computer? You can buy pens and toothpaste and shampoo when you get there. Everything else is optional.

The above was my DS’s approach to college packing - worked fine for his needs.

[Anonymous]

Dad and college kid shopped for sheets and towels. A generous aunt bought a shower caddy.

Kid spent time choosing wall decorations. I bought a laundry basket.

They need a comforter but haven’t ordered one. I am not nagging more so maybe they will have a comforter and maybe they won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad and college kid shopped for sheets and towels. A generous aunt bought a shower caddy.

Kid spent time choosing wall decorations. I bought a laundry basket.

They need a comforter but haven’t ordered one. I am not nagging more so maybe they will have a comforter and maybe they won’t.

PS: We packed a box of toiletries and I’m sending kid with a handheld vacuum cleaner.

Not sure what else they’d need. They can order from Amazon later.

[Anonymous]

Mine is preparing like she’s hanibal crossing the alps. However, my son who who will be doing this next year will be an entirely different story I’m sure-both are fine, just different (and both with learn from their mistakes, I hope!)

[Anonymous]

B/G twins have done nothing other than purchase bedding and buy winter coats/boots. We will have them pack a couple of duffels and go to school. They can get stuff later as desired. All they need to start is bedding and clothes, plus a computer. They are excited for school and seem ready.

[Anonymous]

One imagines he has a laundry hamper in his room and that things like fans can be bought at the local Target as needed.

PP is right that most of this just ends up in the dumpster at the end of the year having never been needed.