How would you advise sister in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this ship has sailed for your sister but I’m saying this for other women in similar situations who may be reading this. But it is *really* bad idea to have 3 kids with a spouse like that. Having a large family to fill an emotional void for one parent is being so thoughtless of those kids. This situation would be much easier to manage with one kid.

I'm not in the same situation. My situation is a little different, and we have separated, but honestly, as someone whose spouse developed psychosis* years after my youngest was born, being told over and over again that my kids shouldn't exist doesn't make me feel safer or more likely to accept advice or take a chance on leaving.

* In my case it was psychosis, but the same could be said for someone whose spouse developed an addiction, or a major mood disorder, or had a head injury, or a degenerative brain disorder.

PP, here. Thank for your message - I apologize for what I wrote above. That was not very sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly think you’re superior to everyone involved. That’s annoying.

Plus I don’t understand the need to drag the MIL into all of this. Based on your description of what’s going on, the problem is with the husband and the marriage - not the mother in law.

But considering you don’t see her very much it’s pretty obvious you don’t know the whole story. So stay out of her life. Listen, nod your head, then go back to your own glamorous life where you are just soooo much better than everyone you grew up with.

Project much?

What did I say that wasn’t true?

The presumptions about superiority and a glamorous life. Seemed kind of out-there and presumptive.

This poster is a troll. They have a similar response on every thread. Don't feed the troll.

[Anonymous]

What options does your sister have? Can she live with you or your parents? Does she want full custody? How can she support 3 kids on what sounds like an inadequate salary?

The MIL sounds like the only one in this situation who has it together, from what you’ve described. I don’t believe your sister should treat her like she’s the enemy. She cares for her son and her grandchildren. She might be a bit over the top because she’s not blind to what you’ve described.

The nuclear option would be to let the ex and MIL have full custody and she would be free?

If nothing else is viable, maybe she needs to figure out a way to get more income and get herself out of this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What options does your sister have? Can she live with you or your parents? Does she want full custody? How can she support 3 kids on what sounds like an inadequate salary?

The MIL sounds like the only one in this situation who has it together, from what you’ve described. I don’t believe your sister should treat her like she’s the enemy. She cares for her son and her grandchildren. She might be a bit over the top because she’s not blind to what you’ve described.

The nuclear option would be to let the ex and MIL have full custody and she would be free?

If nothing else is viable, maybe she needs to figure out a way to get more income and get herself out of this situation.

Oh and she needs to stop trying to change him and work on herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister married her high school sweetheart and settled in our very small, insular hometown. Our family quietly hoped for "more" for her, but it's her life. Cliche-style, her meddlesome mother-in-law lives a block away and is always coming by and fussing over her son.

BIL is a big weirdo. He's always been very scatter-brained and inappropriate thinking it's funny, but he seems to have gotten more eccentric over time. He's an artist in his spare time and will lock himself away for hours in his studio, smokes TONS of pot and becomes catatonic in front of TV, sells weird graphic art on Instagram but it seems to make him happy. He does hold down a 9-5 job working for his father (plumbing).

For the past three years, whenever I see my sister, which isn't much since they live in the Midwest,husband. She says he drinks to the point of passing out a lot, does nothing with household stuff, accuses her of having mental illness, ref she is in tears about her uses to see a marital therapist, etc. She is ALWAYS complaining about how miserable she is with him but always "wants to make it work." She saw her own therapist who even outright told her to leave. Granted I am only hearing her side but it seems very odd.

Our parents divorced as a kid and I am sure this plays a part. We grew up with a single mom and saw how it could suck. She is also in our VERY PROVINCIAL, appearances-oriented hometown where her DH family is well known. On social media, she would think she had it all, so happy, etc. She also has three young kids (under 8) and I'm sure leaving would be a mess. Her MIL has already tried to begin winning kids over with snacks, candy, vacations etc.

My SIL has a job but not a ton of money, neither of them do, but her DH is backed by his family and we have none of that support. I'm not sure how to help her. She just wants to "make it work!" and help him "get better!" but...it sounds really awful? We are meeting for an annual family vacation this weekend (DH refuses to come) and I almost want to have a come to Jesus, like, you need to get out and here's how.

Ideas?? Stay out of it? Is this common in a marriage?? I just don't understand why she insists on staying and making it work when even HE has said he'd be OK separating and sharing custody (that is the other important point, he has even suggested it and she is resisting, so he isn't threatening her by withholding kids, tho perhaps the MIL would).

Oy.

The bolded is your only problem.