Parents who drink and then drive with teens/tweens

[Anonymous]

Our family rule is that we decide who is the driver before we get to an event, and that person has no more than one drink. We openly discuss this in front of our kids on the way to events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's good to model responsible social drinking for teens. Extremes just confuse kids and send the wrong messages.

This. Also depends on how much time elapses. If a few hours, two drunks for me. I wouldn’t do three if I was driving. Kids are going to drink. Parents are going to supply it. The need to be prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 or less drinks it’s no big deal.

Drinking 4+ drinks is a bad idea.

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are.

I don't think this is a good blanket rule. 4 drinks and I would NOT be okay to drive.

I typically limit to one when I am driving other kids - two if we are there a long time and I eat a substantial meal.

My DH wouldn’t drive after 3 drinks.

Yes, Op it’s a problem. We were on the periphery of a group like this and I made same comments to DH, who agreed w me. In HS the kids were huge partners and a couple sold drugs.

[Anonymous]

Pp ^^ and this is also why we never pick up phones in car.

[Anonymous]

"
Our family rule is that we decide who is the driver before we get to an event, and that person has no more than one drink. We openly discuss this in front of our kids on the way to events."

Very balanced and responsible way to model social drinking, IMO.

[Anonymous]

"Our family rule is that we decide who is the driver before we get to an event, and that person has no more than one drink. We openly discuss this in front of our kids on the way to events."

I like this because it shows that there is a way to drink responsibly. Alcohol is not bad. Having one drink is very rarely going to make you a drunk driver. The problem is that some people never learned that you can have one drink and decide to just have mineral water after that since you're the one who is driving home. They think it's binge drinking or nothing at all. It's great to demonstrate to kids that they don't have to turn down one beer because they'll be driving three hours later. They can still socialize with the others but keep to their predetermined limit.

I know someone who makes a big deal about not driving at all if she's had even one drink. In her case, maybe that's good because she's unable to have just one light drink. She always seems to polish off a whole bottle of wine all on her own once she gets started drinking. But the message this sends to her teens can't be good.

[Anonymous]

You use a Tesla

[Anonymous]

I never drink and drive. Why would anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we’ve gotten fairly absurd with alcohol messaging.

On the one hand, many people (most I’d argue, at least based on my neighbors, friends and colleagues) drink well in excess of what modern medicine says is appropriate. Very similar to the notion that a “serving” of meat should be the size of a deck of cards. Yeah right. Both are just so insanely out of proportion to American normalcy that it’s a joke.

On the other hand, many (including PPs in this thread) get absolutely hysterical about alcoholism and syndromes of various kinds for levels of drinking that, by any historical measure, are completely ordinary.

It’s a weird combo and I’m sure is super confusing for many people, let alone kids.

You shouldn’t drive drunk. We can all agree on that. But what that means is extraordinarily subjective—size, gender, medications, physiology, and most of all tolerances result in massive variance. So I’d mostly say OP should just mind her own business. If someone isn’t visibly impaired (slurring, lacking coordination, etc.) to the point where driving would clearly be unsafe, just leave it alone. If it makes you that uncomfortable, hang out with other people. Personally, what you’re describing wouldn’t bother me in the least.

Op here. I pretty much agree with you on extremes of messaging being problematic, which is partly why I asked here since I know that I'm pretty conservative regarding alcohol and drug use. I've lived with someone who fell pretty fast down the slippery slope of "I just had one drink, I can drive," next time it's two, then three, then a DUI, then DWI, thankfully nothing much more tragic, I acknowledge I'm carrying some baggage into the conversation.

The cases that got me most worried were twice with the new family and both parents drinking, seeming tipsy, offered a ride by one family and an Uber by the host and insisting they were fine. If it were an afterschool special, someone would have taken their keys.

The kids weren't right there when the rides were offered, but now that they're older, I imagine they will notice and remember when they're out partying.

I might mention something to the person who hosted that last time and was trying to offer an Uber to see if she feels similar. Otherwise I might fade out, which would be sad because this has become a fond tradition.

I would not model standing around through further instances of this. What you do to avoid it could be a few different things. “Mention something” and talk it over without getting to a clear plan would not be a thing I’d do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never drink and drive. Why would anyone?

+1. OP, just look at this thread. Drinking and driving is incredibly common in wealthy, white families, but they brush it off as “just one drink” and teaching kids to “responsibly drink”. It’s beyond stupid. Every time. But people do it anyways. You just have to tell your kids that in 2023, there’s literally no reason or excuse to drink and drive. Is alcohol really that important to you? Call an Uber for f*cks sake. A 100$ Uber is better than a DUI or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's good to model responsible social drinking for teens. Extremes just confuse kids and send the wrong messages.

This. Also depends on how much time elapses. If a few hours, two drunks for me. I wouldn’t do three if I was driving. Kids are going to drink. Parents are going to supply it. The need to be prepared.

Telling a teenager not to get in the driver’s seat of a car after consuming alcohol is absolutely not an extreme. Seriously, what is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like how you call the new family the fun family in quotes. Clearly you don’t like them, signature cocktails or otherwise. You sound jealous of them, honestly.

+1

Had the same thought. Fun people are fun. Squares are squares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how you call the new family the fun family in quotes. Clearly you don’t like them, signature cocktails or otherwise. You sound jealous of them, honestly.

+1

Had the same thought. Fun people are fun. Squares are squares.

A bunch of squares playing games together can be pretty fun of you're into that kind of thing. If you're not, no biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 or less drinks it’s no big deal.

Drinking 4+ drinks is a bad idea.

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are.

This is insane. Many women will be trashed after 4 drinks. I would be.

Agree 4 is way too much for driving. I would say 2 max

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this issue too and I hate how normalized it is to drink at an event then drive home.