Parents who drink and then drive with teens/tweens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 or less drinks it’s no big deal.

Drinking 4+ drinks is a bad idea.

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are.

I don't think this is a good blanket rule. 4 drinks and I would NOT be okay to drive.

I typically limit to one when I am driving other kids - two if we are there a long time and I eat a substantial meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 or less drinks it’s no big deal.

Drinking 4+ drinks is a bad idea.

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are.

How did you arrive at this arbitrary number? Are you blowing into a breathalyzer to determine this? This sort of thinking is why drivers continue to get into cars and hurt others. I worked in transportation safety research many years ago and we measured BAC over time as subjects ingested drinks. We also gave them field sobriety tests. People are notoriously bad at judging how alcohol affects them. If you drink 4 drinks over a few hours, please call an Uber.

We trained cadets on roadside sobriety. We gave people drinks over time and had them test and then BAC them.

Game night is 4-6 hours. Sure a 110 lb chick starved herself to stay thin is different but don’t be an idiot, we are talking in generalizations. Average people who eat normal.

4 - 1.5 oz liquor, 5 oz wine or 12oz beer over 4-6 hrs. Yes you are legally safe to drive.

I suspect you’re pouring 3 oz drinks, 9 oz wines and 16 oz beers.

Game night isn’t 4-6 hours to begin with. More like 2-3 hrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 or less drinks it’s no big deal.

Drinking 4+ drinks is a bad idea.

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are.

How did you arrive at this arbitrary number? Are you blowing into a breathalyzer to determine this? This sort of thinking is why drivers continue to get into cars and hurt others. I worked in transportation safety research many years ago and we measured BAC over time as subjects ingested drinks. We also gave them field sobriety tests. People are notoriously bad at judging how alcohol affects them. If you drink 4 drinks over a few hours, please call an Uber.

We trained cadets on roadside sobriety. We gave people drinks over time and had them test and then BAC them.

Game night is 4-6 hours. Sure a 110 lb chick starved herself to stay thin is different but don’t be an idiot, we are talking in generalizations. Average people who eat normal.

4 - 1.5 oz liquor, 5 oz wine or 12oz beer over 4-6 hrs. Yes you are legally safe to drive.

I suspect you’re pouring 3 oz drinks, 9 oz wines and 16 oz beers.

Game night isn’t 4-6 hours to begin with. More like 2-3 hrs.

Adjust, it’s basic math.

[Anonymous]

If my kids see me drink even one drink I do not drive after that. I would have my driving teens drive me before I drove.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my kids see me drink even one drink I do not drive after that. I would have my driving teens drive me before I drove.

This is pretty much the way I want my teens to act if they're at a party trying to figure out whether to get into a car or drive themselves. So it makes sense to model it. I find it surprising that some parents don't.

[Anonymous]

I think we’ve gotten fairly absurd with alcohol messaging.

On the one hand, many people (most I’d argue, at least based on my neighbors, friends and colleagues) drink well in excess of what modern medicine says is appropriate. Very similar to the notion that a “serving” of meat should be the size of a deck of cards. Yeah right. Both are just so insanely out of proportion to American normalcy that it’s a joke.

On the other hand, many (including PPs in this thread) get absolutely hysterical about alcoholism and syndromes of various kinds for levels of drinking that, by any historical measure, are completely ordinary.

It’s a weird combo and I’m sure is super confusing for many people, let alone kids.

You shouldn’t drive drunk. We can all agree on that. But what that means is extraordinarily subjective—size, gender, medications, physiology, and most of all tolerances result in massive variance. So I’d mostly say OP should just mind her own business. If someone isn’t visibly impaired (slurring, lacking coordination, etc.) to the point where driving would clearly be unsafe, just leave it alone. If it makes you that uncomfortable, hang out with other people. Personally, what you’re describing wouldn’t bother me in the least.

[Anonymous]

"
If my kids see me drink even one drink I do not drive after that. I would have my driving teens drive me before I drove."

Terrible advice IMO.

Do you actually think that an adult having one glass of wine or a beer is unsafe to drive? Maybe if they haven't eaten all day and chugged the beer that would be the case. But in 99% of situations, it's perfectly fine for an adult to drive after having one Stella Artois with their hot dog.

This is like telling your kid that if they're making out with someone and they touch their breast they could get pregnant, so don't touch anybody below the neck. It's ridiculous and no normal kid is ever going to abide by such a dumb rule. They'll also discount every other piece of advice you try to give them since you've lost all credibility.

[Anonymous]

Aggressively ignorant people are really telling on themselves here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 or less drinks it’s no big deal.

Drinking 4+ drinks is a bad idea.

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are.

This is insane. Many women will be trashed after 4 drinks. I would be.

2 is too many for be to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is a tricky situation, OP.

I think what I would do is to be sure either you or your husband refrain from drinking, to show your kids how to be responsible with a designated driver. My husband and I do this when we go out to eat dinner, we trade off and one time it's my turn for a glass of wine, then the next is his turn for a cocktail. While we're probably fine to drive after just one drink, we don't risk it and our kids see that.

And I think that's really all you can do, short of risking alienating the others by bringing it up to them, or stopping going altogether, is to model appropriate behavior for your kids and continue to talk to them about it. "You see how Dad and I decide who gets to have an adult beverage, while the other is the driver..."

This is great. Plus reinforces that the DD can have a good time with friends, without drinking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4 or less drinks it’s no big deal.

Drinking 4+ drinks is a bad idea.

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are.

This is insane. Many women will be trashed after 4 drinks. I would be.

2 is too many for be to drive.

I won’t even have one drink if driving. The way alcohol hits can be unpredictable. In my opinion, there’s zero need for such risk.

[Anonymous]

I like how you call the new family the fun family in quotes. Clearly you don’t like them, signature cocktails or otherwise. You sound jealous of them, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we’ve gotten fairly absurd with alcohol messaging.

On the one hand, many people (most I’d argue, at least based on my neighbors, friends and colleagues) drink well in excess of what modern medicine says is appropriate. Very similar to the notion that a “serving” of meat should be the size of a deck of cards. Yeah right. Both are just so insanely out of proportion to American normalcy that it’s a joke.

On the other hand, many (including PPs in this thread) get absolutely hysterical about alcoholism and syndromes of various kinds for levels of drinking that, by any historical measure, are completely ordinary.

It’s a weird combo and I’m sure is super confusing for many people, let alone kids.

You shouldn’t drive drunk. We can all agree on that. But what that means is extraordinarily subjective—size, gender, medications, physiology, and most of all tolerances result in massive variance. So I’d mostly say OP should just mind her own business. If someone isn’t visibly impaired (slurring, lacking coordination, etc.) to the point where driving would clearly be unsafe, just leave it alone. If it makes you that uncomfortable, hang out with other people. Personally, what you’re describing wouldn’t bother me in the least.

Op here. I pretty much agree with you on extremes of messaging being problematic, which is partly why I asked here since I know that I'm pretty conservative regarding alcohol and drug use. I've lived with someone who fell pretty fast down the slippery slope of "I just had one drink, I can drive," next time it's two, then three, then a DUI, then DWI, thankfully nothing much more tragic, I acknowledge I'm carrying some baggage into the conversation.

The cases that got me most worried were twice with the new family and both parents drinking, seeming tipsy, offered a ride by one family and an Uber by the host and insisting they were fine. If it were an afterschool special, someone would have taken their keys.

The kids weren't right there when the rides were offered, but now that they're older, I imagine they will notice and remember when they're out partying.

I might mention something to the person who hosted that last time and was trying to offer an Uber to see if she feels similar. Otherwise I might fade out, which would be sad because this has become a fond tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like how you call the new family the fun family in quotes. Clearly you don’t like them, signature cocktails or otherwise. You sound jealous of them, honestly.

Yeah, I thought that might come through when I wrote it that way. But they literally walk in with the husband saying loudly "look who brought the fun!"

I think when they moved here, they thought we were all pretty lame. We're nerds but we own it. I get that our activities aren't for everyone. They were surprised that we actually enjoyed games and weren't just faking it for the kids and that we weren't drinking. They've changed the dynamics of the group enough that I'm sad and maybe resentful. Not jealous, though. I like an adult beverage or two or even more when I'm out with adults but I don't need one to enjoy time with my family. That's sad to me.

[Anonymous]

I think you can control how you act. You can make it clear that one of you is NOT drinking and driving your kids home, if that's important messaging for you to send. It would probably sink in a bit more if you and your DH both declined drinking for the evening.

Or I think you can attend these nights a bit less. What I don't think you can do is say "Hey I think the cocktail family ruined my nice perfect family gathering and I don't want them to come anymore".

See the other families at other times if you need to.