Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would not say anything to your face, but privately, I would judge you, yes. I think it’s stupid to wait so late to have kids, and I think it’s possible with the help of family and partner to get a good career going and have kids earlier. The “super planners” often have regrets later.

This. Don’t wait to have children. So many people have issues and it kills your spirit and sometimes the marriage. The quality of your eggs drastically decreases at 30. Visit the infertility and TTC boards on here. Aside from that - yes there’s probably some envy there but to be honest they wouldn’t trade their whole life, children and all, just to have your life. It’s just a quick pang of wistfulness that is usually resolved in moments or once you get home and get a big hug or kiss from your kid. Just ignore them but please note my advice. I want you to have what you want but nature is going to do its thing as you age. Good luck.

You’re creepy. And I had kids in my 20’s. You’re probably a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re jealous. They’re remembering what it was like to be unburdened by parenting. They’re not judging you.

This. I try not to say this kind of thing because 1) it's obnoxious and 2) I don't need to draw any more attention at work to the fact that I have parenting demands on my time , but I don't see any negative judgment of you waiting to have kids. They just want a beach weekend and quiet time to read a book. Just smile big and say "yes I'm grateful" or whatever and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my early 30s and a director at a large, fortune 100 firm. In a long term relationship, my husband is active duty military. We elected to wait to have kids and it seems like the snide comments I get have increased lately.

Things like ‘DH and I are taking a long weekend down at the beach’ are met with ‘wow must be nice to not have kids, we could never do that’ and when discussing my evenings things like mentioning i read a book by the fire pit(obviously not turned on) just get crooked eyed comments.


Am I missing something or do people genuinely dislike others having control over their lives?

these just sound like statements to me. What do you want people to say? Face it IS nice, isn't it? Try not to take things personally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re jealous. They’re remembering what it was like to be unburdened by parenting. They’re not judging you.

+1. Very much this. They are commenting from "yeah, I remember those good day" perspective. Nobody gives F about your kids' situation. I mean that seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Main character syndrome. No one cares what you do, promise.

+1
Stop talking about anything personal at work. Seriously.

This advice has to stop. The idea that work is work and home is home is unhealthy. Work is a huge part of life and you can’t be expected to turn on and off that way. There is nothing wrong with sharing what you did over the weekend with your coworkers and this advice is always said with animosity and judgment like the OP is complaining about in the first place.

OP: Certainly, it’s not everyone but one or a few people that you’re thinking about writing this post. These people will be there no matter what you do. I had kids at ages 27 and 31 and got comments. I bottle fed and I got comments. I put my kids in daycare and worked part-time and I got comments. I bought a house and I got comments. I didn’t manage to produce a male heir and I got comments.

It’s not your particular situation that receives judgement. It’s ALL SITUATIONS.

Just learn to shrug it off, and hopefully find someone else at work to whine to on the side so you can keep on that fake smile the next time some jerk makes a comment about some innocuous comment.

Comments don’t mean animosity. You sound paranoid.

Are this the same poster who writes “you sound” on every post on this board?

You sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Main character syndrome. No one cares what you do, promise.

+1
Stop talking about anything personal at work. Seriously.

This advice has to stop. The idea that work is work and home is home is unhealthy. Work is a huge part of life and you can’t be expected to turn on and off that way. There is nothing wrong with sharing what you did over the weekend with your coworkers and this advice is always said with animosity and judgment like the OP is complaining about in the first place.

OP: Certainly, it’s not everyone but one or a few people that you’re thinking about writing this post. These people will be there no matter what you do. I had kids at ages 27 and 31 and got comments. I bottle fed and I got comments. I put my kids in daycare and worked part-time and I got comments. I bought a house and I got comments. I didn’t manage to produce a male heir and I got comments.

It’s not your particular situation that receives judgement. It’s ALL SITUATIONS.

Just learn to shrug it off, and hopefully find someone else at work to whine to on the side so you can keep on that fake smile the next time some jerk makes a comment about some innocuous comment.

Comments don’t mean animosity. You sound paranoid.

Are this the same poster who writes “you sound” on every post on this board?

You sound unhinged.

So, yes?

Are you a fan of “What They Do in the Shadows”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Main character syndrome. No one cares what you do, promise.

+1
Stop talking about anything personal at work. Seriously.

This advice has to stop. The idea that work is work and home is home is unhealthy. Work is a huge part of life and you can’t be expected to turn on and off that way. There is nothing wrong with sharing what you did over the weekend with your coworkers and this advice is always said with animosity and judgment like the OP is complaining about in the first place.

OP: Certainly, it’s not everyone but one or a few people that you’re thinking about writing this post. These people will be there no matter what you do. I had kids at ages 27 and 31 and got comments. I bottle fed and I got comments. I put my kids in daycare and worked part-time and I got comments. I bought a house and I got comments. I didn’t manage to produce a male heir and I got comments.

It’s not your particular situation that receives judgement. It’s ALL SITUATIONS.

Just learn to shrug it off, and hopefully find someone else at work to whine to on the side so you can keep on that fake smile the next time some jerk makes a comment about some innocuous comment.

Comments don’t mean animosity. You sound paranoid.

Are this the same poster who writes “you sound” on every post on this board?

You sound unhinged.

So, yes?

Are you a fan of “What They Do in the Shadows”?

I wrote that "sounds like" and no I do not write it every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re jealous. They’re remembering what it was like to be unburdened by parenting. They’re not judging you.

+1. Very much this. They are commenting from "yeah, I remember those good day" perspective. Nobody gives F about your kids' situation. I mean that seriously.

Another +1. Seriously people don't care whether you have kids or not. It's also a way of deflecting from the fact that when you ask what they did over the weekend it is going to sound very boring by comparison. Like wow your weekend was awesome, I was just riding bikes with kids or at a kid party or something else that's kinda lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Main character syndrome. No one cares what you do, promise.

+1
Stop talking about anything personal at work. Seriously.

This advice has to stop. The idea that work is work and home is home is unhealthy. Work is a huge part of life and you can’t be expected to turn on and off that way. There is nothing wrong with sharing what you did over the weekend with your coworkers and this advice is always said with animosity and judgment like the OP is complaining about in the first place.

OP: Certainly, it’s not everyone but one or a few people that you’re thinking about writing this post. These people will be there no matter what you do. I had kids at ages 27 and 31 and got comments. I bottle fed and I got comments. I put my kids in daycare and worked part-time and I got comments. I bought a house and I got comments. I didn’t manage to produce a male heir and I got comments.

It’s not your particular situation that receives judgement. It’s ALL SITUATIONS.

Just learn to shrug it off, and hopefully find someone else at work to whine to on the side so you can keep on that fake smile the next time some jerk makes a comment about some innocuous comment.

Comments don’t mean animosity. You sound paranoid.

Are this the same poster who writes “you sound” on every post on this board?

You sound unhinged.

So, yes?

Are you a fan of “What They Do in the Shadows”?

I wrote that "sounds like" and no I do not write it every time.

I wrote the "unhinged" one (tongue in cheek) because I see that comment constantly but I have never personally written that seriously. LOVE What they do in the Shadows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re jealous. They’re remembering what it was like to be unburdened by parenting. They’re not judging you.

+1. Very much this. They are commenting from "yeah, I remember those good day" perspective. Nobody gives F about your kids' situation. I mean that seriously.

Another +1. Seriously people don't care whether you have kids or not. It's also a way of deflecting from the fact that when you ask what they did over the weekend it is going to sound very boring by comparison. Like wow your weekend was awesome, I was just riding bikes with kids or at a kid party or something else that's kinda lame.

Yes you don't have to keep personal life SECRET at work but you also can make sure that your small talk is just that. Small talk. Easy enough to small talk without actually being personal. What are your plans this weekend? Oh not much, the usual. What about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ref the beach comment “ you could go, you would just need a sitter”
Or “ you could go, you would just have your kids with you”
Everyone prioritizes things differently and makes different choices with how to spend money/time.

This is terrible advice. Just say "huh" or "too bad!' and then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sound like your own insecurities on waiting.

+1
I feel sorry for you and would never be jealous. If you have kids you will be out of sync with your peers, professional and through your kids. You also may have trouble conceiving. You might be mistaken for grandma on grandparents day (this has happened several times at my kids private school). There is a trend for upper class women to have all their children by their early 30s - so you basically pinpoint yourself as MC, no matter how successful you are in your career.

If you never have kids, that's your choice. My kids, although they are work, have made my life so rich and full. I cannot imagine having a life this fulfilling without them. There is not a substitute for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sound like your own insecurities on waiting.

+1
I feel sorry for you and would never be jealous. If you have kids you will be out of sync with your peers, professional and through your kids. You also may have trouble conceiving. You might be mistaken for grandma on grandparents day (this has happened several times at my kids private school). There is a trend for upper class women to have all their children by their early 30s - so you basically pinpoint yourself as MC, no matter how successful you are in your career.

If you never have kids, that's your choice. My kids, although they are work, have made my life so rich and full. I cannot imagine having a life this fulfilling without them. There is not a substitute for me.

Ok OP, this is a helpful example of what judgment DOES sound like, very different than "I wish I could have a couple's weekend!"

[Anonymous]

Your husband is your “beard” I guess

[Anonymous]

Meh. I'd probably try to make a neutrally pleasant response to news of your kid-free exploits, but don't expect me to be good at pretending I'm interested in your dog. It is not a person.

Also, and this is more of an issue for people in your personal life than your work life, understand that we (parents) have serious obligations that engage our time and money. Unless you're personally providing elder care or battling cancer, there is no comparison to anything in your life.