Scared of ADHD child/emotional dysregulation

[Anonymous]

Look into Good Inside by Becky Kennedy and her online community that has courses/webinars etc. I agree with no hitting. For a kid with ADHD, who feels things deeply, any reaction is fuel. Your job is containment and being the calm, regulated, steady pilot that they need. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

Yes, you are wrong. You can hit your kid in DC as long as it is with an open palm and there is no mark 24 hours later.

[Anonymous]

We all have raging adhd in my family but spitting food around the kitchen isn't something any would do.

Is there a secondary diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all have raging adhd in my family but spitting food around the kitchen isn't something any would do.

Is there a secondary diagnosis?

+1

NP. OP's title seems reasonable since her DC sounds beyond ADHD. This behavior does sound somewhat like my ASD and ADHD DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

Spanking absolutely is the worst. The 7+ professionals (and $4000 spent on parent training and therapy) all agree on that. Do not spank your child period but especially a child like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

Spanking absolutely is the worst. The 7+ professionals (and $4000 spent on parent training and therapy) all agree on that. Do not spank your child period but especially a child like this.

We can agree to disagree. But I think no consequence is worse than consequence, for a 10 year old, for a meltdown or tantrum. Children are out of control in a meltdown but not totally out of control. Attacking a sibling because they are upset is not to be tolerated. They need to learn better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

I would argue that hitting a child, who is much smaller and weaker than you - is the worst thing you can do that is - in some states - legal. It’s disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

Spanking absolutely is the worst. The 7+ professionals (and $4000 spent on parent training and therapy) all agree on that. Do not spank your child period but especially a child like this.

We can agree to disagree. But I think no consequence is worse than consequence, for a 10 year old, for a meltdown or tantrum. Children are out of control in a meltdown but not totally out of control. Attacking a sibling because they are upset is not to be tolerated. They need to learn better.

There are SO many consequences other than hitting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

Spanking absolutely is the worst. The 7+ professionals (and $4000 spent on parent training and therapy) all agree on that. Do not spank your child period but especially a child like this.

We can agree to disagree. But I think no consequence is worse than consequence, for a 10 year old, for a meltdown or tantrum. Children are out of control in a meltdown but not totally out of control. Attacking a sibling because they are upset is not to be tolerated. They need to learn better.

OP this poster is of course allowed to have their opinion, but please know that research does NOT support this opinion and there is no reputable professional that studies this research that would support this. Spanking is not recommended for any child and ESPECIALLY a child having a meltdown related to their ADHD. That is a really good way to end up with a child who sneaks, hides things, develops depression, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

No, it’s pretty much the worse. OP needs to get her head on straight. There are ways to access behavioral therapy supports in this day and age of telehealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also read The Explosive Child. You could have Plan Ced what was happening at the breakfast table (which will make sense once you read the book) and had a much more peaceful morning. The Explosive Child is a game changer.

No, it’s really not a game changer for serious behaviors. When kids are actually explosive, they don’t have the ability to chose a Plan C. That book is totally useless.

I think OP’s best hope is to get her kid an autism diagnosis. Then she can access ABA support for the home, which will help her set up some basic disciplinary structures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

Spanking absolutely is the worst. The 7+ professionals (and $4000 spent on parent training and therapy) all agree on that. Do not spank your child period but especially a child like this.

We can agree to disagree. But I think no consequence is worse than consequence, for a 10 year old, for a meltdown or tantrum. Children are out of control in a meltdown but not totally out of control. Attacking a sibling because they are upset is not to be tolerated. They need to learn better.

OP this poster is of course allowed to have their opinion, but please know that research does NOT support this opinion and there is no reputable professional that studies this research that would support this. Spanking is not recommended for any child and ESPECIALLY a child having a meltdown related to their ADHD. That is a really good way to end up with a child who sneaks, hides things, develops depression, etc.

I would, and did, come down hard on terrorizing the sibling. Now DC doesn't do it anymore, but the sibling's relationship is still not as good as it could have been. Sibling has a lot of reasonable anger towards his brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op please please do not hit your child.
a. it's abusive
b. as others have pointed out it is showing your own emotional dysregulation
c. it's causing him trauma which may be contributing to his outbursts and finally
d. I could be wrong but i'm pretty sure hitting your kid is illegal in DC so if anyone finds out they can and will call CPS.

NP. Spanking is not emotional dysregulation, it is teaching boundaries. Which this kid really needs, for his sake and for his brother's and the rest of the family.

While 10 is pretty old for spanking, kids with ADHD and ASD are delayed in maturity 3-4 years. So it's not really that old.

Is spanking the best consequence? No, but it's not the worst.

No, it’s pretty much the worse. OP needs to get her head on straight. There are ways to access behavioral therapy supports in this day and age of telehealth.

Seconded that explosive child is useless.

We loved ‘raising lions’ by Joe Newman op. But yet another plus one for please don’t hit your child. Sooooo not ok

[Anonymous]

The sexual side effects alone are a reason not to spank, especially at 10 when the child may already be masturbating.

What fires together wires together and that goes double if there is drama/escalation or parent is disregulated during punishment. This is the last thing an already struggling male needs to deal with in adolescence and into adulthood.