Private school for non fancy middle class families

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ironically, the highest-tuition schools with the biggest finaid awards are your best option. They are operating like Ivy League high schools, actively seeking lower-income students. And I think if your family really is as hardscrabble/bohemian as you describe, this will work in your kid’s favor for top college admissions.

Not sure about that. Financial aid is rarely sufficiently generous to attract middle class (2 government salary) families.

it depends on how badly they want the kid. I know quite a few families like this at our Big3 school. We are among them and get 80% aid for our second child.

If you can afford one child full pay you are not middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ironically, the highest-tuition schools with the biggest finaid awards are your best option. They are operating like Ivy League high schools, actively seeking lower-income students. And I think if your family really is as hardscrabble/bohemian as you describe, this will work in your kid’s favor for top college admissions.

Not sure about that. Financial aid is rarely sufficiently generous to attract middle class (2 government salary) families.

it depends on how badly they want the kid. I know quite a few families like this at our Big3 school. We are among them and get 80% aid for our second child.

If you can afford one child full pay you are not middle class.

I agree with you, but the PP specified two government salaries. We have two government salaries (HHI about $250) and one kid and are full pay. We aren’t middle class - we make an upper middle class HHI. It is indeed possible on our HHI, though. We’ve been doing it for over 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SSFS!!!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:st. andrew? Most of the parents i met are very down to earth, and most of the moms are working moms as well.

Definitely St. Andrew's. There's nothing fancy about it. They would like to think so, but there isn't. You would be very happy there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't believe the stereotypes you hear. There are families like your all over the place. At some schools, you will be in the majority. Just start visiting schools.

We are a non-wealthy family and while its true that we don't always fit at the schools, we feel confident that our kids are getting the education they need, so we focus on that.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm not understanding why you are ruling out Sidwell and GDS and maret etc. just see what happens and your child may love it there!

[Anonymous]

Explore and apply to a variety, and then based on acceptances, figure out where your kid will be happiest. All schools have all types. Our kid from a solidly middle class family has made plenty of friends at one of the so-called elite schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flint Hill

Can you elaborate?

[Anonymous]

Sandy Spring Friends

[Anonymous]

DC is at a "Big 3," with 2 feds for parents. We're comfortable enough, but certainly not wealthy, and school covers about 50% in aid. First and foremost, we value the education DC is receiving, are grateful for the opportunity, and are very open with our child about the realities of the range of wealth and poverty in this country. DC has always known they won't be one of the "rich kids," and won't have all the same experiences as those kids do, but we also do what we can to make their life enjoyable at school and away from it, including as many extras as we can reasonably afford. I think we'd all be unhappy if either quality of school or quality of life was vastly out of balance with the other. (Bravo to the parents who sacrifice everything for education. And we certainly make sacrifices. But I know myself, so I feel fortunate that we don't have to do it constantly.)

Of our family members, I probably have the most discomfort around real wealth, and I'll admit the first few years felt a bit uncomfortable, not because of the families there, but because of my own assumptions/biases. But even then--and definitely now--the reality is that parents are just not as directly involved at middle school and beyond as we were in the elementary years. So I find that other people's wealth is far less of an issue than I thought, just because I'm not around it as much as I expected to be. And when I have been, it's never been uncomfortable, and people have been nothing but decent regardless of their relative wealth.

Bottom line, for me, is that my own feelings about it all haven't really mattered, and it's never been an issue anyway. What really matters is how your child is likely to handle it day-to-day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is at a "Big 3," with 2 feds for parents. We're comfortable enough, but certainly not wealthy, and school covers about 50% in aid. First and foremost, we value the education DC is receiving, are grateful for the opportunity, and are very open with our child about the realities of the range of wealth and poverty in this country. DC has always known they won't be one of the "rich kids," and won't have all the same experiences as those kids do, but we also do what we can to make their life enjoyable at school and away from it, including as many extras as we can reasonably afford. I think we'd all be unhappy if either quality of school or quality of life was vastly out of balance with the other. (Bravo to the parents who sacrifice everything for education. And we certainly make sacrifices. But I know myself, so I feel fortunate that we don't have to do it constantly.)

Of our family members, I probably have the most discomfort around real wealth, and I'll admit the first few years felt a bit uncomfortable, not because of the families there, but because of my own assumptions/biases. But even then--and definitely now--the reality is that parents are just not as directly involved at middle school and beyond as we were in the elementary years. So I find that other people's wealth is far less of an issue than I thought, just because I'm not around it as much as I expected to be. And when I have been, it's never been uncomfortable, and people have been nothing but decent regardless of their relative wealth.

Bottom line, for me, is that my own feelings about it all haven't really mattered, and it's never been an issue anyway. What really matters is how your child is likely to handle it day-to-day.

I should have added that DC went to public for elementary. Otherwise things could have been way different. But I believe OP isn't talking about private for elementary anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not sure where you live or what your religious leanings are, but St. Rita's in Alexandria sounds like what you're looking for. Solid classical curriculum, down-to-earth faculty and staff, small size, and relatively inexpensive tuition. I don't know what space they have, but may be worth looking into!

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm not sure where you live or what your religious leanings are, but St. Rita's in Alexandria sounds like what you're looking for. Solid classical curriculum, down-to-earth faculty and staff, small size, and relatively inexpensive tuition. I don't know what space they have, but may be worth looking into![/quote]

Just be aware St. Rita is a very conservative Catholic school. Not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fitting in is not in top 10 of issues you need to consider, OP. Leave that aside for now. There are more serious considerations than your little feelings about fitting in and accepting charity.

I would thank the relative profusely and inquire politely whether those funds could be used for college instead.

Here's what you should be considering:

1. In private, the kids are selected at entry and compete against one another in the college process - selective universities don't want to take too many from each small private school. Despite what you may have heard, there are only a few Ivy/top college feeders and none of them are in DC. They're in NY. So your kid will be facing absolutely devastating competition from his peers at a good private school, and he'll be up against families who think nothing of paying $300/hr for tutoring and test prep, and 25K+ for a private college counselor. The connected families will line up valuable internships for their kids, will yours be able to compete? Think hard about that. Whereas in a large but reputable public, competition is meaningless. Some will go to community college, most will go to State U, a handful will go to Ivy Leagues. Your kid will have his chance.

2. If you're not interested in the best privates, then there is no reason to pay for private at all unless your child has particular needs. And sometimes not even then. My son with ADHD/ASD did well in a large public with an IEP, then a 504, and accommodations. STEM instruction is much better in good public schools. Writing is usually taught better in good privates. Guess which majors are being eliminated from certain colleges? Humanities, not STEM. AI will shortly be writing all your stuff. Not saying writing isn't important, I love good writing! But just want to put this out there.

3. What would be really interesting is if your relative could help out for college. My kid is going to a reputable program at an 85K private university, with merit aid. He will have a lot more attention and built-in networking opportunities than in the 30K State U that accepted him; the dorms and food are nicer, and overall it's a better atmosphere. College is when having choices matter. You don't want to be stuck with only in-state options because you can't afford anything else.

4. All this calculus needs tweaking if your kid's public school has issues, or you're unhappy with the breadth of AP offerings, etc. BUT -

5. Re:"boredom", poor grades, etc. Bear in mind that high school coursework is a LOT more challenging than middle school. Also note that if your 99 percentile kid doesn't have great grades and claims he's bored... that's a huge red flag for ADHD or a learning disability. An evaluation is in order. My oldest has that profile, and needs medication to stay focused. A middle schooler who doesn't have good grades won't get into any of the top privates, and won't be very successful in public high school either, OP. You need to realize this now, while you still have time to get him help before high school. As soon as he starts 9th grade, he needs top grades, the most advanced classes he can handle, extra-curriculars, etc. Competition for colleges that were mediocre in your youth is now extremely stiff, and kids needs top grades and multiple APs (or the equivalent advanced course in private school) just to vie for UMD or UVA. I know kids with a 4.2 weighted GPA and lots of advanced coursework who were rejected from UMD in-state.

I hope you're not offended by my comments, but I've seen this play out too many times. Parents don't quite understand that their kid has ADHD/LDs, pay for private then wonder why their kid isn't doing as well as they thought, then realize too late they didn't pay for what mattered, ie an evaluation and treatment, instead of private. If you can do both, great, but then remember what I said about college. Privates do not give you a boost for that. You might not care now, but I promise you will care later.

I am a STEM professor. I spent a good 80% of my day doing scientific communicating, meaning, writing, giving talks, writing grants. Writing is essential for all kinds of tasks. I do not think AI can replace writing, at least not the kind of writing that make you unique and stand out. In scientific research, what separates a technician and PI is largely due to good writing skills.

[Anonymous]

We are at a small independent in NoVa, and financially we are in that weird space where we are on the rich end of our public school but the poor end of our private school. I don't always feel like I fit in with the other parents at private, but DD is absolutely thriving and that's the point her going there.

I'd encourage you to visit several schools and see if they can meet your needs. They aren't all the same.
Also, consider getting your kid tested and evaluated to help try to find out what kind of classroom would work best. As in, is he gifted-bored or spacing-out bored or regular bored.