Private school for non fancy middle class families

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fitting in is not in top 10 of issues you need to consider, OP. Leave that aside for now. There are more serious considerations than your little feelings about fitting in and accepting charity.

I would thank the relative profusely and inquire politely whether those funds could be used for college instead.

Here's what you should be considering:

1. In private, the kids are selected at entry and compete against one another in the college process - selective universities don't want to take too many from each small private school. Despite what you may have heard, there are only a few Ivy/top college feeders and none of them are in DC. They're in NY. So your kid will be facing absolutely devastating competition from his peers at a good private school, and he'll be up against families who think nothing of paying $300/hr for tutoring and test prep, and 25K+ for a private college counselor. The connected families will line up valuable internships for their kids, will yours be able to compete? Think hard about that. Whereas in a large but reputable public, competition is meaningless. Some will go to community college, most will go to State U, a handful will go to Ivy Leagues. Your kid will have his chance.

2. If you're not interested in the best privates, then there is no reason to pay for private at all unless your child has particular needs. And sometimes not even then. My son with ADHD/ASD did well in a large public with an IEP, then a 504, and accommodations. STEM instruction is much better in good public schools. Writing is usually taught better in good privates. Guess which majors are being eliminated from certain colleges? Humanities, not STEM. AI will shortly be writing all your stuff. Not saying writing isn't important, I love good writing! But just want to put this out there.

3. What would be really interesting is if your relative could help out for college. My kid is going to a reputable program at an 85K private university, with merit aid. He will have a lot more attention and built-in networking opportunities than in the 30K State U that accepted him; the dorms and food are nicer, and overall it's a better atmosphere. College is when having choices matter. You don't want to be stuck with only in-state options because you can't afford anything else.

4. All this calculus needs tweaking if your kid's public school has issues, or you're unhappy with the breadth of AP offerings, etc. BUT -

5. Re:"boredom", poor grades, etc. Bear in mind that high school coursework is a LOT more challenging than middle school. Also note that if your 99 percentile kid doesn't have great grades and claims he's bored... that's a huge red flag for ADHD or a learning disability. An evaluation is in order. My oldest has that profile, and needs medication to stay focused. A middle schooler who doesn't have good grades won't get into any of the top privates, and won't be very successful in public high school either, OP. You need to realize this now, while you still have time to get him help before high school. As soon as he starts 9th grade, he needs top grades, the most advanced classes he can handle, extra-curriculars, etc. Competition for colleges that were mediocre in your youth is now extremely stiff, and kids needs top grades and multiple APs (or the equivalent advanced course in private school) just to vie for UMD or UVA. I know kids with a 4.2 weighted GPA and lots of advanced coursework who were rejected from UMD in-state.

I hope you're not offended by my comments, but I've seen this play out too many times. Parents don't quite understand that their kid has ADHD/LDs, pay for private then wonder why their kid isn't doing as well as they thought, then realize too late they didn't pay for what mattered, ie an evaluation and treatment, instead of private. If you can do both, great, but then remember what I said about college. Privates do not give you a boost for that. You might not care now, but I promise you will care later.

+10
I agree with everything you said.
If your smart kid is not getting good grades, you won’t get into a good private school.
Mediocre private school could be a waste of your money.

Please look into why his/her grade is not good. I found out my smart DD has ADHD at 10th grade. This happens more often than you think.

[Anonymous]

Flint Hill

[Anonymous]

Ironically, the highest-tuition schools with the biggest finaid awards are your best option. They are operating like Ivy League high schools, actively seeking lower-income students. And I think if your family really is as hardscrabble/bohemian as you describe, this will work in your kid’s favor for top college admissions.

[Anonymous]

SSFS, yes! Based on what friends have said.

But we meet this definition (99%+) and been ok at a "big 3." You just have to accept some kids are vacationing in Europe while you are taking the metro to free museums about Europe. But there are plenty in similar standing as you / us.

The only issue we've felt is feeling we've provided diversity for the fancy families. And it hurts to see an unused baby grand at a playdate house when you don't have budget for a piano and are rebalancing for lessons on a borrowed keyboard. But that occurs in public too. It's DC.

[Anonymous]

I lived this in a different Metro. We weren’t poor and both parents were college grads, but our HHI was firmly middle middle class. I was bored to death in my public. I was happier overall and much more intellectually stimulated when I switched to a local top private. I l3arned a lot more and was better prepared (improved motivation from a more challenging curriculum helped). I was able to get accepted to a top public university, an ivy, and a well regarded private university outside New England, despite no hooks at all. I had As and Bs, good AP test results, and competitive SAT scores. Being not rich helped at college admissions time, to be honest.

I -never- cared that other kids at school went to Vail or Vermont for fancy Xmas ski vacations, or to Barbados for Spring Break. We didn’t have the money, so we did stayed home instead. One hopes your DC and your family also won’t care (IMHO, not caring about what others do or don’t do is a healthy indicator).

I hear good things about SSFS, and I am not a Sidwell fan, but I would urge you cast a wide net, go on tours at many schools and talk with Admissions. Each local school is different. They have different customs and cultures and degrees of rigor. Explore many before deciding where (if anywhere) to apply. Admissions are very competitive, so apply to several schools.

[Anonymous]

How does your child feel about it OP? Mine really wanted to switch to private because her public middle school was underwhelming and she desperately needed a bigger challenge. If your DC wants it, go for it and just don't worry about fitting in unless you think your child is the type who will jealous or insecure. So far we have felt perfectly comfortable at the welcome events and have met some very nice people. I know there will be plenty of other middle class families whose kids are there on FA or scholarships, so I am not worried.

[Anonymous]

There are schools that are worth the money and those that are not. If your kid can get into one that you think is well worth the money and a good fit for your kid, definitely go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The social differences can result in less ability to socialize or to feel like a charity case amongst friends. If you can’t afford to enroll in travel sports, shuttle kids to play dates across town, or buy movie/concert tickets, it will affect your child.

It will affect some children, but will not affect many other children. That did not affect me and I lived it. Not wealthy, lived in the wrong neighborhood, and so forth.

[Anonymous]

st. andrew? Most of the parents i met are very down to earth, and most of the moms are working moms as well.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on how good your public option is. We moved our kids to private because our public tightly controlled curriculum, leaving teachers with no room for creativity, and dumbed down the advanced track in the name of equity.

There are plenty of reasons that a smart kid would not be performing well beyond learning disabilities, highest among them being stuck with uninspired teaching in large classes. You don’t need to be a tippy top private to get small classes amd creative teaching.

The pp with the lengthy post also fundamentally misunderstands private schools. AP classes are not limited because of limited curriculum, AP classes are not offered because the schools don’t want to be stuck with the standardized AP curriculum and believe their own advanced classes are as rigorous if not more rigorous than the AP curriculum. Private school college matriculation has suffered a bit with the college focus on first Gen and URM; but remains better than at similar income public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ironically, the highest-tuition schools with the biggest finaid awards are your best option. They are operating like Ivy League high schools, actively seeking lower-income students. And I think if your family really is as hardscrabble/bohemian as you describe, this will work in your kid’s favor for top college admissions.

Not sure about that. Financial aid is rarely sufficiently generous to attract middle class (2 government salary) families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ironically, the highest-tuition schools with the biggest finaid awards are your best option. They are operating like Ivy League high schools, actively seeking lower-income students. And I think if your family really is as hardscrabble/bohemian as you describe, this will work in your kid’s favor for top college admissions.

Not sure about that. Financial aid is rarely sufficiently generous to attract middle class (2 government salary) families.

it depends on how badly they want the kid. I know quite a few families like this at our Big3 school. We are among them and get 80% aid for our second child.

[Anonymous]

Can rich relative help fund a 529 plan to help with college expenses instead? Or after school enrichment or tutoring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe Burke -- while there are definitely families with serious resources, the school culture (at least to me) feels pretty grounded

My kid is at Burke and we are LMC. And have Ikea furniture. And drive an old car. And have non-fancy clothes. And we rent an apartment.

No issues that I'm aware of.

I also agree with Burke. Families value education but scrimp and save in other areas to make it work.

+3

[Anonymous]

SSFS!!!