Adult children arriving up to family parties with their parents & not bringing their own gifts—is this a new thing?

[Anonymous]

Gifts for milestone birthdays? LMAO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

But, they come with a family member who did cook a meal? This level of petty is why I don't do pot lucks

We have 30 + at our family meals. Everyone is expected to contribute. Not only to the never Offer to bring anything, they don’t whelp to set up or clean up. They nap on the grandparents couch!!!

No problem, I’d just stop showing up if I were one of them. Happy now?

[Anonymous]

30 is the new 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

Do they decline if asked?

One told my elderly relative that their mom would “bring something”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

But, they come with a family member who did cook a meal? This level of petty is why I don't do pot lucks

We have 30 + at our family meals. Everyone is expected to contribute. Not only to the never Offer to bring anything, they don’t whelp to set up or clean up. They nap on the grandparents couch!!!

No problem, I’d just stop showing up if I were one of them. Happy now?

Why on earth would they do that? Free food and naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom hosts extended family reunions that I attend as a favor to her because I know she wants to show off the grandkids. I have exactly zero interest in attending these parties. When she also wants me to bring a dish, it grates on me. (I’m 43 years old, BTW). So if your younger cousins are coming to Aunt Gert’s birthday party as a favor to their own parent, I can see why they wouldn’t want to shop for a gift as well. From your phrasing (“coming up”) I’m assuming this is an out of town party for them.

Real klassy, you are.

Please don’t share these thoughts with your Mom. She would not only be hurt, she would wonder what happened to her sweet little girl.

OP: One of my daughters is a fabulous Mom to 3. She is so mean, intolerant and selfish with us (her parents). Can you shed any light as to what happened? We think the problem is that we spoiled her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

This is poor parenting. They should have been taught and expected by their parents to contribute something. If they don’t want to cook, then bring nice wine or dessert from a good bakery.

And yes they should do so even if they didn’t really want to attend. Sometimes we do things we don’t really want to do out of love of family. And you still contribute like every other adult.

I can’t believe this has to be explained.

10000%

“ Grandma, I’m not a really good cook, but I’ll be the dishwasher”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom hosts extended family reunions that I attend as a favor to her because I know she wants to show off the grandkids. I have exactly zero interest in attending these parties. When she also wants me to bring a dish, it grates on me. (I’m 43 years old, BTW). So if your younger cousins are coming to Aunt Gert’s birthday party as a favor to their own parent, I can see why they wouldn’t want to shop for a gift as well. From your phrasing (“coming up”) I’m assuming this is an out of town party for them.

Real klassy, you are.

Please don’t share these thoughts with your Mom. She would not only be hurt, she would wonder what happened to her sweet little girl.

OP: One of my daughters is a fabulous Mom to 3. She is so mean, intolerant and selfish with us (her parents). Can you shed any light as to what happened? We think the problem is that we spoiled her.

Ohhhh you’re THAT OP. The mean millennial mom.

[Anonymous]

It’s perfectly fine for my family, my ILs and others I know, because none of us do any of this for the gifts. Indeed, we’d rather have fewer gifts!!! We’re just happy guests are able to make it. We want the human togetherness, not the stuff.

You come across as vulgar and crass, OP. I cannot relate to your problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, this all really depends on the family. For example, you seem to be thinking most family dinners are “potluck” style but that is not at all the norm for my family or DH’s unless otherwise noted. Typically, the host provides the food/meal. Others may offer to bring a special/favorite dish but it isn’t expected. Usually a general offer of “what can I bring?” is “we have it covered, can’t wait to see you!” or similar. Many times, people will bring wine or similar which is graciously accepted- but not expected.

Our extended families don’t really do birthday gifts (even if there is a party), anniversary gifts etc other than for small children or the elderly (and for The elderly it tends to be a sentimental group gift of some sort- no one wants a pile of stuff they don’t need lol). People just want to get together- it isn’t at all about the gifts.

Weddings and baby/bridal showers IDK…usually the young person will purchase a gift on their own, once out of the parents’ household I guess. I don’t really keep track but started purchasing my own gifts after college yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifts for milestone birthdays? LMAO!

+1

Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We factor the number of people in our party into our gift amount and all sign the gift card.

This

[Anonymous]

I really don’t care about gifts and didn’t even notice who did or didn’t give one at my wedding. My mom noticed though and she counted 5 relatives who didn’t give me a gift. They are all of my generation (cousins). One was 40 at the time but the others were 20s-30s. They don’t live w their parents, they got their own invitations, RSVP’d for themselves. If I’m invited to a family event I never expect to go along w my parents as though I still live w them and am dependent on them. It’s just weird to do that past college age.

[Anonymous]

A lot of families have adult children that failed to launch, boomeranged, have mental or physical health issues, are underemployed, have substance abuse problems, etc. They are broke and you can’t expect them to bring gifts.

[Anonymous]

Calm down, Aunt Larla! I earn much more money than my parents. When my mom and I “go in together” for a gift for Larlette’s baby shower, I get you the Uppa stroller or the Stokke chair on her registry. If you insist we gift separately, I’ll spend less so it doesn’t look like I’m flaunting my success and my mom will buy Larlette some random baby clothes with Kohl’s cash. I promise the joint gift is better.

Same with bringing a dish - unless you’re the same poster who thinks only homemade scratch dishes are acceptable. I’ll pick up a gorgeous platter from Balducci’s “from all of us”. Do you really want my mom’s deviled eggs or Waldorf salad?