Adult children arriving up to family parties with their parents & not bringing their own gifts—is this a new thing?

[Anonymous]

I see this as no big deal. One side of my family is much older because dad was 16 years older than mom. Even in the 40s at my wedding they did this with their spouses. I found it normal and still wrote them each a thank you note.

[Anonymous]

My mom hosts extended family reunions that I attend as a favor to her because I know she wants to show off the grandkids. I have exactly zero interest in attending these parties. When she also wants me to bring a dish, it grates on me. (I’m 43 years old, BTW). So if your younger cousins are coming to Aunt Gert’s birthday party as a favor to their own parent, I can see why they wouldn’t want to shop for a gift as well. From your phrasing (“coming up”) I’m assuming this is an out of town party for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom hosts extended family reunions that I attend as a favor to her because I know she wants to show off the grandkids. I have exactly zero interest in attending these parties. When she also wants me to bring a dish, it grates on me. (I’m 43 years old, BTW). So if your younger cousins are coming to Aunt Gert’s birthday party as a favor to their own parent, I can see why they wouldn’t want to shop for a gift as well. From your phrasing (“coming up”) I’m assuming this is an out of town party for them.

Do you eat at these parties?

[Anonymous]

We went to a family wedding for DH’s side recently. MIL wanted to give the bride and groom one gift from her and her husband, her daughter and family, and her son and family. We declined and chose to send our own gift. Our reasoning was that we were all sent separate invites and the “kids” are all now grown with families of their own! And we got flack for it.

[Anonymous]

Separate invite, separate gift. One invite, one gift.

[Anonymous]

I’d guess they didn’t get the invitation and don’t even know about it. Then happen to be home from college and parent asks them to join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

But, they come with a family member who did cook a meal? This level of petty is why I don't do pot lucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

But, they come with a family member who did cook a meal? This level of petty is why I don't do pot lucks

We have 30 + at our family meals. Everyone is expected to contribute. Not only to the never Offer to bring anything, they don’t whelp to set up or clean up. They nap on the grandparents couch!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

But, they come with a family member who did cook a meal? This level of petty is why I don't do pot lucks

No they come from their own home. But still act like they’re a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

Do they decline if asked?

[Anonymous]

I was surprised how many of our cousins in their 20s and 30s didn’t give us wedding gifts. All of them also brought either their spouse or date too. It is what it is. I was just glad they were there.

Dh and I married in our late 20s, but he absolutely wasn’t treated as separate from his parents until we married. No one sent him Christmas cards. He was just part of his parents invites to weddings and parties (we lived several hours away). He was shocked when he received his first Christmas cards when we got married. People used to even send his birthday cards and gifts to his parents house.

[Anonymous]

Not nearly as immature as counting gifts and holding it against someone for not bringing one.

It's extremely vulgar to be hosting a party just to solicit gifts. You host a party to celebrate an event. Some people bring gifts, some do not. You appreciate those who bring gifts and you appreciate those who come to celebrate without gifts. If you are hosting it just to get gifts, you are really need to rethink your extremely entitled and obnoxious attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

Sure about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep all my cousins in their 20s/early 30s do this. The same goes for Thanksgiving/Easter, they don’t bring their own dish.

What do you mean???

I mean they show up to Thanksgiving empty handed! These are grown adults who cook for themselves on a day-to-day basis. But they think they don’t have to bring anything to contribute to the family meal.

This is poor parenting. They should have been taught and expected by their parents to contribute something. If they don’t want to cook, then bring nice wine or dessert from a good bakery.

And yes they should do so even if they didn’t really want to attend. Sometimes we do things we don’t really want to do out of love of family. And you still contribute like every other adult.

I can’t believe this has to be explained.