How do people find marriage partners in their early 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We met at work. It happens. Think about it. If you work for a large company, people are somewhat pre-selected based on background. We were not the only ones who dated or hooked up at that long gone employer. Accounting firms are notorious for this.

This is considered crass nowadays.

Is it? I would consider hooking up at the office crass, but not normal, relatively discreet dating.

A lot of workplaces have policies against it; too many fears of sexual harassment issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't think this is something people should be aiming for. I do not think people tend to make great life choices in their early 20s, and picking a partner for life is one of them.

No. Don't wait until after 30 to make finding your mate a "sort of" priority. Well, do that if you want to be 40 alone with three cats. Land him in your prime. Your 20s.

I didn’t trust myself to make good decisions in my early 20s and my dating life reflected that. I got serious about dating around 26 or so and met my current partner then. In retrospect, I wish I had trusted myself earlier, but we have been married for 16 years, so I guess it worked.

[Anonymous]

Met the quaint, old fashioned way in post college in 1993: set up by our respective childhood best friends who got married. We initially met at events leading up to their wedding. I took my then-boyfriend to the wedding, paid no attention to future DH, except I thought he had the most gorgeous blue eyes and was super smiley.

The weekend after my boyfriend broke up with me, I got invited to hang out with the newlyweds and go to a concert. Future DH was invited along - all carefully orchestrated behind the scenes with all parties except for me. Told my BFF on date 2 that I was going to marry him.

Dated for 3 years, engaged for almost one year. Married 26 years. 3DC.

[Anonymous]

I met a grad student who was working the same lab and married him at 23.

We will celebrate our 20 year anniversary in the fall.

[Anonymous]

25 is not young to be married it's average

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll answer this as a mom of a 24 y.o. man who is moving in with his girlfriend next month and basically views it as a trial run for marriage- you find a guy who is not afraid of commitment, who values marriage and who values you. You don’t get yourself into “situationships”, you let them know early on that you are dating to marry, and if you scare some off - excellent, these are the men you are trying to avoid anyway.

This is the opposite of commitment.

[Anonymous]

I have a 39 yr old friend who is unmarried. He is charming, handsome, makes a lot of money, generous and a man who is family oriented. No red flags.

However, his optics are not that great. He lives in an expensive condo in downtown, drives a super expensive car, has a pitbull, has a social media page that is full of pics of his high end life (he expenses it) - travel in first class, eating in the finest restaurants, flying to another continent for sporting events, best booze, best resorts etc. I want to shake him and tell him to fix all of this. Buy a TH (if not SFH) in a good school district, get a golden retriever or a cat, get rid of the pitbull, take pictures with the kids of your married friends. But, he does not find anything wrong with what he is portraying. What he is attracting are the golddiggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll answer this as a mom of a 24 y.o. man who is moving in with his girlfriend next month and basically views it as a trial run for marriage- you find a guy who is not afraid of commitment, who values marriage and who values you. You don’t get yourself into “situationships”, you let them know early on that you are dating to marry, and if you scare some off - excellent, these are the men you are trying to avoid anyway.

This is the opposite of commitment.

Yup. This is a FWB situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll answer this as a mom of a 24 y.o. man who is moving in with his girlfriend next month and basically views it as a trial run for marriage- you find a guy who is not afraid of commitment, who values marriage and who values you. You don’t get yourself into “situationships”, you let them know early on that you are dating to marry, and if you scare some off - excellent, these are the men you are trying to avoid anyway.

This is the opposite of commitment.

Yup. This is a FWB situation.

Maybe that is PP's point? That her son is not one of the young men you want to marry?

[Anonymous]

Portray clearly what you want and become worthy of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll answer this as a mom of a 24 y.o. man who is moving in with his girlfriend next month and basically views it as a trial run for marriage- you find a guy who is not afraid of commitment, who values marriage and who values you. You don’t get yourself into “situationships”, you let them know early on that you are dating to marry, and if you scare some off - excellent, these are the men you are trying to avoid anyway.

This is the opposite of commitment.

Yup. This is a FWB situation.

What??? No way. Moving in with your partner is not what friends with benefits do. FWB means you don’t identify as boyfriend/girlfriend and are free to date other people.

[Anonymous]

We met through friends at parties and gatherings when we were 23. Once we started dating, we got pretty serious and both wanted to ultimately get married and have kids sooner rather than later. We moved in together, and a couple years later got engaged. I think the big thing was establishing that we wanted the same things on a similar timeline. Of course, it could not have worked out and we would’ve got our separate ways but we wouldn’t have gotten serious if it was clear from the beginning that we wanted very different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll answer this as a mom of a 24 y.o. man who is moving in with his girlfriend next month and basically views it as a trial run for marriage- you find a guy who is not afraid of commitment, who values marriage and who values you. You don’t get yourself into “situationships”, you let them know early on that you are dating to marry, and if you scare some off - excellent, these are the men you are trying to avoid anyway.

This is the opposite of commitment.

Yup. This is a FWB situation.

What??? No way. Moving in with your partner is not what friends with benefits do. FWB means you don’t identify as boyfriend/girlfriend and are free to date other people.

24 y/o men don’t do trial runs for marriage. They found a girl to sleep and hangout with, agree to move in together, and then at some point a few years later she finally drags him over the finish line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll answer this as a mom of a 24 y.o. man who is moving in with his girlfriend next month and basically views it as a trial run for marriage- you find a guy who is not afraid of commitment, who values marriage and who values you. You don’t get yourself into “situationships”, you let them know early on that you are dating to marry, and if you scare some off - excellent, these are the men you are trying to avoid anyway.

This is the opposite of commitment.

Yup. This is a FWB situation.

What??? No way. Moving in with your partner is not what friends with benefits do. FWB means you don’t identify as boyfriend/girlfriend and are free to date other people.

Getting free sex in your 20s benefits men more, not women. It is prime years for women to find a worthy spouse. She is wasting it by playing house with a man without the benefit of a ring. What trial run for marriage does this man need? He already knows her character and if there are dealbreakers like promiscuity or addiction. Which obviously there are not. What else does he need to know? Will he breakup with her if she is a lousy cook or a messy person or if she snores? SMH.

Good for the PP's son to arrange for a free hole for his pole, but, OMG, young women are sooooo fekking stupid!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a really strong circle of friends during my undergrad years, and he was connected to a couple of the others in the group. The pre-existing social bonds helped me vet him - first as a person, and then as a potential partner.

This. I actually hadn’t planned on getting married. We met through college athletics, and I kind of expected it to burn out. 27 years later…we are still together. I’m not a naturally trusting person, so I think having that extensive social network we both shared help me to be more open to seriously dating him.