How do people find marriage partners in their early 20s?

[Anonymous]

I know LTRs of course happen in college, but even the LTRs I knew about in college for the most part had some kind of expiration date or risk of one as people went their separate ways for jobs. Other than that, my experience dating from age 20-25 was that you just don't bring up the idea of being marriage-minded or commitment-minded, or else you come off as desperate. You were supposed to be "chill" with whatever happened and smile and hope for the best. This was my era, about 10 years ago.

If you married or found the partner you were to marry when you were in your early 20s, how did it go? What would be your advice to people who do want to settle down relatively early, but not scare men away by sounding too desperate for commitment? And how do you navigate the risks that come with transience of that stage of life? And let's say you're not religious and into meeting people at church socials and the like. Did you meet in college, at a job or internship? Did you stay close to where you grew up, or choose to stay in the city where you went to school? It seems like most people in their 20s aren't sure where they want to be within the next 5 years, let alone who they want to be with.

[Anonymous]

My younger sister turned 25 in January, and she is going to be in two weddings this year and there are many others on the horizon. She lives in our hometown and these are her high school friends’ weddings. They all went college, but all went to local & instate ones and returned home afterwards. As far as I can tell, although many of them were raised Catholic, none are active in the church now or are having church weddings. One is marrying a childhood neighbor.

[Anonymous]

I met DH at 22 at a bar in DC after we both graduated college. We were typical parting 20 somethings, but enjoyed one another. Didn’t see the need to play the field. We got engaged at 25, married at 26. Now 36 and thankful we met when we did.

We didn’t do anything special other than be in the right place at the right time. We’ve essentially grown up together- went through the partying years, young adult years, and early family years. Didn’t have our first kid until 29 so had plenty of time to enjoy our youth.

[Anonymous]

Depends on your gender.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s tough. Grad school is pretty rough on marriages and/or ltr. Lots of grad school divorces/breakups. The ones that made it are the guys who weren’t too ambitious and didn’t go to grad school or did some kind of part time grad program. Or some split up and got back together.

Maybe you could try dating guys who are already in grad school if you are looking to settle down faster. Check out law school or business school networking events.

[Anonymous]

Met on the first day of grad school 27 years ago. Been together ever since.

[Anonymous]

You attend university in the Midwest or the south

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You attend university in the Midwest or the south

This

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't think this is something people should be aiming for. I do not think people tend to make great life choices in their early 20s, and picking a partner for life is one of them.

[Anonymous]

One night with him 22 years and I wasn’t going to let him get away.

We knew each other in passing and found out that we both had a crush on the other for months.

[Anonymous]

I’ll answer this as a mom of a 24 y.o. man who is moving in with his girlfriend next month and basically views it as a trial run for marriage- you find a guy who is not afraid of commitment, who values marriage and who values you. You don’t get yourself into “situationships”, you let them know early on that you are dating to marry, and if you scare some off - excellent, these are the men you are trying to avoid anyway.

[Anonymous]

We met in grad school. I was early 20s and DH was a few years older.

[Anonymous]

I had a really strong circle of friends during my undergrad years, and he was connected to a couple of the others in the group. The pre-existing social bonds helped me vet him - first as a person, and then as a potential partner.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 25.

DH is from a part of the country where people get married young, was into his career, and had bought a home here as a single person. That is ready to settle down. 7-10 years older, as in our case, also was ready to settle down. Most of his friends group from hometown at least and even from college (not always law school) were married by early 30s if not sooner.

[Anonymous]

Online dating gets a bad rep but I know plenty of people who met online.