HS Bully Died of Cancer

[Anonymous]

OP, it is very hard because you will have mixed feelings about it. I have felt like this when two people who were nasty to me had bad things happen to them. After a long long time I have been able to let go of my bitterness and actually mourn their passing deeply.

[Anonymous]

To those who think is has anything to do with bullying-
Cancer is not karma. Disease is not karma
Death is not karma. These are all biological systems that occur in all living things...including all of us, regardless of what kind of person we are. It's not personal.

[Anonymous]

People who mistreat others have generally been mistreated.

This woman’s cause of death is entirely independent of that.

Go on with your life, and let it go.

[Anonymous]

When I was younger, I would have been embarrassed to say I had been bullied. With decades more wisdom, I judge them for their behavior rather than judging myself. You did the best you could in a horrible situation. Show yourself compassion.
Also, feelings aren’t shameful, they’re involuntary and they are what they are. Feel what you need to feel but don’t get stuck. This woman hurt you badly as a kid. The last thing you want to do is let her occupy more space in your brain now that she’s gone. I find it helpful to do a version of forgiveness. My forgiveness doesn’t mean I don’t judge them or want anything to do with them (if they’re alive), it just means I accept that they made mistakes and may or may not have had stuff going on in their lives that brought out the cruelty in them, but either way, their baggage is not my baggage and I’m letting it go. I don’t wish them harm because I don’t give them headspace at all.

[Anonymous]

You didn't murder her. She died. Mixed feelings, no feelings, relief, etc. are your feelings to feel. You are human.
This could be an opportunity to close that chapter in your life. She's dead. The past is dead. Turn it into a freeing experience.
I think you'd be surprised at how many people can relate to some variation of this. We are not required to be sad when someone dies. We react how we do. It's actions not feelings that are our responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't murder her. She died. Mixed feelings, no feelings, relief, etc. are your feelings to feel. You are human.
This could be an opportunity to close that chapter in your life. She's dead. The past is dead. Turn it into a freeing experience.
I think you'd be surprised at how many people can relate to some variation of this. We are not required to be sad when someone dies. We react how we do. It's actions not feelings that are our responsibility.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I assumed that bullying is an expression of envy. The bullied person has some quality that the bully wishes she had -- perhaps only the kind of vulnerability that comes from the privilege of being raised in a fairly stable family. Perhaps the bullied person is strong or sensitive in some way that the bully perceives. It could be so many things. One of my bullies reached out to apologize after high school. Reading that message freed me from the fear of and resentment toward all the bullies that had lingered.

[Anonymous]

My entire neighborhood, when my kids were in school, was bullied by a PTA type Mom, who hand picked kids she didn't like, Moms she didn't like, and teachers she didn't like, coaches, and principals she didn't like. It was before FERPA, and she would regularly discuss kids, etc., with teachers and principals. She helped her own kids bully and exclude kids from various school groups, classess, and sports teams. She often got her way by sheer intimidation. She wormed her way into school offices under the guise of volunteering, but it was all manipulation. Her kids were perfect, everyone else was a bit player in the theater of their school experience.
All personnel were scared of her and really, all they could do was suck up to her to save whatever they had- to protect their kids, their job, or status in the general area. Her husband was none of this. He was a quiet guy.
In her mid 50s, just as her youngest was launced into the world of work from college, and her others had married and started having kids, she was diagnosed with cancer. Within about 4 years (?) she died. I actually heard about it just by overhearing a conversation. I was pretty shocked, not realizing she probably had a pretty serious metastatic situation when first dxed. My initial unfiltered thought? Sadness,actually. She will be missing a lot and she was too young to die. My second thought was how ironic it was- she'd spent years curating her kids every interaction, schooling, etc., and didn't get to see them as adults, or her grandchildren. They ended up being nice adults, I think (?), though. Don't really know.
No, no one deserves cancer or an illness, or death. It does work that way. Did I like her? Nope, not at all, but I still feel a bit sad when I think of her kids now. I don't even understand this myself.

[Anonymous]

It's okay OP to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Right not, she is not important in your life and you were not important in her life. Your feelings will not hurt her. It's okay to think about the time you felt vulnerable and realize that by the sheer fact that this person is not in your life at all that the person/child who was hurt is no longer who you are and to let that child rest as you also let your memory of this woman who died rest in peace.

[Anonymous]

I would feel embarrassed if I was you. You are 50 years old and still upset about something in HS to the point that you are at ease with her death of cancer? If you believe in karma, then it is coming right back to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel embarrassed if I was you. You are 50 years old and still upset about something in HS to the point that you are at ease with her death of cancer? If you believe in karma, then it is coming right back to you.

You completely misunderstand what "karma."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel embarrassed if I was you. You are 50 years old and still upset about something in HS to the point that you are at ease with her death of cancer? If you believe in karma, then it is coming right back to you.

What’s your karma for online scolding and policing the emotions of someone who was abused? Not good, my friend, not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she became a better person after high school, and maybe she didn't. Either way, as far as you know, it's good riddance to the b1tch, and it's perfectly fine to feel that way.

As someone who was bullied in a place of work in my 20s ( And I mean followed by two girls my age and relentlessly harassed me in full view of the supervisory staff), I truly hope nothing good happened to those girls thoughout their life. And have no guilt thinking that.

[Anonymous]

Why is there always someone quick to shame others for any mixed feelings other than devastation at a bully's suffering? It reminds me of schools punishing the victims and protecting the bully. What is the knee jerk reaction to keep the down person down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posting here because I’m embarrassed to talk about it with my husband or current friends.

You should be, and I say that as someone who's still traumatized from the bullying they went through.

People shouldn't be embarrassed to talk about being bullied when they were younger.

They should be ostracized for celebrating someone's death.

Some people do not positively contribute to society, and are actual negative in society. It's fine to celebrate those peoples' deaths.

OP has no way of knowing what this person contributed to society.