Mean girl coworkers are literally killing me! Professional females need your advice

[Anonymous]

Look for another job. Not every job is like that. It's hard to start over, but in the long run will be worth it.

[Anonymous]

People are so fast to say , get another job

I think if it was that easy she would have done that a long time ago

[Anonymous]

If you're in government and make 160k and you aren't managing, aren't you more of a subject matter expert or tenured? If so, can you accomplish your job while mostly avoiding people unless necessary?

[Anonymous]

Do you have to interact with these women to complete your work?
Do you have a door to close?
Can you listen to soft music with earbuds during your workday?

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to come out of retirement. $160k a year?! No. Dude needs to work full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're in government and make 160k and you aren't managing, aren't you more of a subject matter expert or tenured? If so, can you accomplish your job while mostly avoiding people unless necessary?

OP here. Clarification- $160K is our combined HHI, I make $100K. I'm not in management position.

[Anonymous]

I worked in an environment like that, only I was not the targeted one, at least at first. My colleague was, though, and I felt bad for her and stood up for her. Then I was the targeted one. I want to say first that it’s possible that some of these women like you fine and are “going along to get along” and are behaving like that because they don’t want to be the object of the ringleader’s scorn. That’s no excuse, but may help you feel better.
My colleague they didn’t like handled it brilliantly. She would smile politely and go Into her office and close the door. She didn’t ask for anything, she didn’t inquire about anyone’s personal life, she didn’t reveal a thing about her personal life, even the fact that she had gotten married one weekend (!). Not only did she not invite those mean girls, she didn’t even tell them she had a boyfriend. She literally treated them as irrelevant office mates. She put her head down, worked hard, did her thing, and though I’m sure it hurt, she never let on. I think her quiet but respectful rejection of them in turn was powerful. She kept her social life outside of her work, went out with her friends, and she stayed physically active. She was part of a community softball league, if I recall correctly.
One day she just announced that she had gotten another job. When she left, no one knew she was looking to go, or pregnant, either! I eventually left too and caught up with that coworker a year or so later. We’re now friendly. She’s doing great, has a good new job and is enjoying her toddler. Those mean girls are totally irrelevant to her life. She would tell you they were irrelevant then, too, though it felt rotten to be treated like a pariah. She looks back and judges them harshly but doesn’t personalize it or think there is anything wrong with her. She thinks they’re jealous and unhappy people with small lives and small minds. So my advice is to get yourself in a better environment and realize that someday you will put them in the irrelevant category and judge them instead of wishing they were nice or polite or helpful to you. Your preference should be as little interaction as possible. You will be glad when you go that you never have to talk to them again. For now, act like my coworker.

[Anonymous]

"Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing and don’t care if they like it." Tina Fey

[Anonymous]

I just got away from a toxic coworker so I get it, OP. Just keep in mind that if you go “grey rock” it can sometimes cause people to get even more intensely horrible. It’s like they crave the toxicity.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been there, and I know it's upsetting and it hurts, but what if you were able to emotionally divorce yourself from these people? Just do your job as best you can, detaching and ignoring the colleagues. What is the worst that could happen? Maybe you fail on an assignment because they won't "help" you as you said, right? Maybe you get fired because you can't perform? But really how likely is that?

I'd quietly keep looking for a new job but meanwhile just try to ignore and take the money.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the men at work. See if you can get a sex discrimination case against the witches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For those who had to deal with mean girls at work, you probably know how they operate. They are somewhat nice in the public, but cold in private, won't even say "Good morning" to me. They help each other, but won't help me. If I ask for something, they always have some rude answer or say, they are busy. That kind of sort of things. I wish to be less sensitive and develop a thicker skin, but I can't anymore.

This happened in DH’s office (he’s the boss, but he was seeing it with his employees). Made the “receiver” of the mean girl behavior miserable. It was insane how childish they acted.
Find another job, there are nice adults out there to work with.

[Anonymous]

I would get a new job job, fed or private. No fed job is worth high pressure these days, especially if you need 20 more years.

You may find better pay and even better benefits in the private sector.

[Anonymous]

High pressure = high blood pressure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are so fast to say , get another job

I think if it was that easy she would have done that a long time ago

We say this because 1) she is not going to change people or the office culture, and 2) no job is worth your mental health.

OP - do you have a niche career with limited job options? Also have you brought this up with your supervisor?