Mean girl coworkers are literally killing me! Professional females need your advice

[Anonymous]

I work in a federal office setting with 98% females. The daily office drama, bullying, gossiping is just not for me anymore. The demands of my job are stressful and to deal with mean girls on top of it is a lot to deal with. I'm in my early 40s and really cannot take this every day. Literally, I feel like I'm driving every day to work and going to prison. I have developed a very high blood pressure over the last couple of months, which has never been high before; I do exercise, eat very healthy and have no health problems in general. I can only attribute it to high stress and anxiety of work. There are nice coworkers in my office as well, don't get me wrong, but I'm not working closely with them. I don't have a " soul mate" at work, that I could just laugh and talk to.
I don't know if I'm developing premenopausal symptoms or what. I have read that premenopausal symptoms can be very bad. I only have 8 years under my belt in the government, so to me it looks like, either I put up with another 20 years in the government or so to get a decent pension, or leave now. It is also impossible to transfer to another department, because of my niche skills. I am considering quitting my job altogether, take a break for a couple of months, and then maybe return to work in private sector. Remote work has never been an option, so cannot do that.
I'm married and we have a young child ( 10 years old). My husband has been semi retired and already draws pension. He works part-time. Our combined annual gross income is $160K only. We have about $1.3 mln combined retirements savings, paid off house and no other debt. Since my husband has worked for federal government, we have health insurance through him, so I don't have to worry about that. I'm thinking that if I would quit, we would be OK, but we couldn't really enjoy anything extra in life ( like more expensive vacations etc.). We live in Northern Virginia, and everything is getting so expensive, that I know I need to work and do something to bring an income.
Any professional females can you give me some advice on what to do. Have you been in similar situation? Appreciate any advice.

[Anonymous]

Paragraphs are your friend.

[Anonymous]

What are they doing?

It should be pretty hard for “mean girls” to really get to you.

Obviously, there are important things like supervisor retaliation or interference with your actual work.

But for little petty social stuff, you should be impenetrable from that. You don’t need your colleagues to be friends. You need a thick skin and a short memory and to keep your head down.

[Anonymous]

Theres a worker shortage still. Apply for non fed jobs and see if you get something great! Dont be tied down by the pension, especially if your specialized skills might net you more in the private sector. I believe you about the mean girls. There were just a couple at a nonprofit where I worked, they turned others against me for no reason (actually they were jealous/threatened). I was always kind and professional. Im so glad I no longer work there. (And this was after a long string of jobs.) there’s always your “next thing.” Time to find it.

[Anonymous]

OP,

PLEASE be proactive about your high blood pressure. Nothing is more important than your health. You risk dementia and cardiovascular disease with high blood pressure. Are you taking meds and eating less salty? Also, when you get home from work (or in the evening), please go for a walk in the fresh air. Get a dog and walk it, like I did, for my mental health. Something!

Separately, what egregious things are your mean girl coworkers doing? Maybe we can give you some scripts.

[Anonymous]

I have been in this situation and the only answer is to get another job. No job, at all, is worth your peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Get another job!!

I was in the same situation nothing changed untill I got out. It sucked but I am glad I got out.

[Anonymous]

OP here. For those who had to deal with mean girls at work, you probably know how they operate. They are somewhat nice in the public, but cold in private, won't even say "Good morning" to me. They help each other, but won't help me. If I ask for something, they always have some rude answer or say, they are busy. That kind of sort of things. I wish to be less sensitive and develop a thicker skin, but I can't anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are they doing?

It should be pretty hard for “mean girls” to really get to you.

Obviously, there are important things like supervisor retaliation or interference with your actual work.

But for little petty social stuff, you should be impenetrable from that. You don’t need your colleagues to be friends. You need a thick skin and a short memory and to keep your head down.

True, but they should have basic decency in the work place. Why don't people get that? What do op's coworkers get out of singling people out or gossiping about coworkers? Maybe if it's a reaction op can take that away. If they are joining forces to keep her from advancing that would be very stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For those who had to deal with mean girls at work, you probably know how they operate. They are somewhat nice in the public, but cold in private, won't even say "Good morning" to me. They help each other, but won't help me. If I ask for something, they always have some rude answer or say, they are busy. That kind of sort of things. I wish to be less sensitive and develop a thicker skin, but I can't anymore.

It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t have to adapt to crappy behavior to go to work. Seriously: just get another job. Apply to any and everything, apply aggressively, put the word out, network etc.

In the meantime stay scarce and do your best to avoid.

[Anonymous]

You can absolutely find another job! Including in government. Probably in your field but it's OK to change fields. Having 8 years in is worth something, I would try to stay federal. Can you try to find a mentor at work to help you with career planning?

PS, "females" as a noun is how we talk about animals. Just say women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paragraphs are your friend.

+1

For the love of God

[Anonymous]

As a fed who has been in your shoes, get a new job. Sounds like your management isn't doing anything and without their support there is NOTHING that HR or anyone else is going to do to help.

No one's area is that niche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For those who had to deal with mean girls at work, you probably know how they operate. They are somewhat nice in the public, but cold in private, won't even say "Good morning" to me. They help each other, but won't help me. If I ask for something, they always have some rude answer or say, they are busy. That kind of sort of things. I wish to be less sensitive and develop a thicker skin, but I can't anymore.

X10000

They are stunted, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in this situation and the only answer is to get another job. No job, at all, is worth your peace of mind.

This. Yes, it’s drastic. It’s also completely worth it. I’m a mid-40s woman, parent of three, and GS15 Fed supervisor; there’s no way in hell I’d put up with that work culture.